I have been an affair with a man for going on four years. I have been married for 9 yrs.this month! 3 beautiful boys, but my marriage to my husband has been on the rocks for years..full of emotional and some physical abuse..yet I never left him..I stayed in my marriage to my husband because I was afraid of breaking up my family and my children growing up like I did, with a single mother and an absent father..so I have stayed in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship..I think I still love my husband, but I fell out of love with him long ago, do to the troubles of our relationship and the things he has put me through over the years. I sought solace in another man that I met online, never expecting him to become someone who I would end up being involved with for this long. I have tried to end this relationship several times, once I was succesful, and I cut ties completely from him and didn't see or talk to him for 3 months..But he came looking for me and we gradually picked up where we left off before..I tell myself either he has a hold over me, more than I am willing to admit, or I have feelings for him, more than I am willing to admit to myself..and I fear letting him go, because I fear that I will miss out on something without him..In reality this man isn't right for me either..he has manipulated, lied and done things to me as well..and I feel like DAMN..do I just attract these type of men who will mistreat me..I went into the affair thinking it was just a fling..how did love become part of the picture..? Physically and mentally this man wasn't anything like my husband..11 years older than me..sexually blew my mind..patient, intimate,loving, gentle, we shared common interest in things that I could never get my husband to share with me..he was everything my husband wasn't..but that was just it..HE wasn't my husband..and he could never be more than what he was to me..which was a man I was cheating with...and maybe he looked at me the same..because he liee and hurt me all the same in the end..but realized when it was too late what he had done..just like my husband did me..but this time, I am afraid to go back to where I was before..I have admitted to my husband that I had an affair..but I still haven't admitted that I haven't truly ended it yet..I am still holding on..I am afraid to let go..I want to let go, but I am still holding on..this man has nothing to lose, so he is still holding on to me too..maybe he loves me like he says..I don't know..he still travels 200 miles to be with me and calls me 3-4 times a day..but he has nothing to lose..I am still holding on and I want to let go, but I don't know how..

Looks like there have been lots of readers of this post, but no one has replied to give you some support. I know this post is several months old, but hope that you will get this message. I know that an affair can seem exciting and real, but the end of the story is always painful. Someone gets hurt and usually that is everyone involved. You are not only cheating on your husband, you are cheating on your children. I didn't see that in the middle of things but I can see that now that I am out of it. You need to end things with this other man for now. Focus on your marriage. Either fight for it and go to counseling, or go to counseling to end it, but either way, it sounds like you need to go talk to someone so go to counseling! I found it very helpful to have a voice of reason in the middle of a very turbulent period of my life. If counseling does not improve what you described as emotionally and some physical abuse, you need to get your children out of this situation. You are not doing them any favors just to keep from raising them alone. And how can you possibly be concentrating on your kids when you have this other man taking your time, attention, energy and emotions? It takes time to plan and plot your time with the other person in an affair. There were times I was late picking up my son because of it. See it for what it is and put an end to it. You do not need a man in your and your children's life to make all perfect. Just do what you need to do and keep your focus on being the best Mom you can be to those kids. I wish you the very best in what lies ahead. Be strong!

HEY,
Listen up. I had an affair with a married man for 7 years!As a result of this affair I had a beautiful daughter. My daughter lost because of this affair. She didn't know her father until she had ,married and had a child of her own.He had divoirced his wife later and remarried.Fortunatly I met a man who became her daddy.The thing is she is mixed I am white her father is black.She had no choice growing up. I did the best I could to give the best of both worlds.However in your situation you should think about yourself apparently you are not happy! Move on it's not as hard as you may think. I did it YOU can too.If your husband is abusive (even once)he has no respect for you or his children. Move on girl you can do it!I'm wishing you the best. Think about it.