I have yet to allow someone else to give me an orgasm. I have a boyfriend, but as many of you know from other topics, I ma fearful to allow him to do anything because of my self-consciousness. However, even when the time comes, I feel that I will "hold back" and not allow myself to really let go. I masturbate about once or twice a week...sometimes less than that, and I know how to please myself. I also know that you are supposed to tell your partner what you like and all that jazz...but I still feel that I would rather give myself an orgasm than let someone else do it. Keep in mind..I have a biased opinion since no man has ever given me an orgasm...but I wanted to other people's thoughts on this.

Well, let me tell you, if you think giving yourself an orgasm feels good, just wait until someone who you are really in love with gives you one!!! If it's good, it is an experience beyond description. It sounds like the orgasm will be the easy part, getting over your self consciousness will be the hard part.
Look at it this way. I have found over the years that I am the only one who is aware if something about my appearance is not right. To everyone else I am simply another person who looks the way I do. Not wrong or right, I just look the way I do. For instance if I'm having a bad hair day, or I put on a couple extra pounds over the holidays. Nobody else knows that but me. I have recently had the pleasure of taking my 3 year old to swimming lessons in which I had to get into the pool. I was a little self conscious of this myself as I have a little extra around the middle as the result of a desk job. However, I was quickly put at ease when I saw a number of other parents there who were much larger then myself. None of them seemed to care because thats simply who they are.
From reading your previous posts it sounds like you have a great guy who won't care what your specific body parts look like. Because thats simply you, and you are different from all others. He will love you for who you are, body and soul. If not, that would be pretty shallow and then he's not the one for you.
Now go get em, and give us an update.

i used to have your same exact problem i was always to uptight to have an orgasm. To tell you the truth no one will ever give you an orgasm as good as you can give yourself because you know exactly what you like, when to go faster/slower, when to stop or etc... but it is an awesome experience to let someone else give you one! i learned that the key is just to relax and not tense up your muscles and DON'T feel rushed or pressured into having one just lay back and enjoy and really focus on the stimulation that your partner is giving you! It takes a while to get to the point of climax with a partner for the first time, it took me 6-7 yrs of being sexually active before i let someone else give me an orgasm but you get more comfortable with it as time goes on...and never feel self conscious, if he is having sex with you then he is attracted to you and likes you for who you are and what you look like, never be ashamed...confidence is a very sexy thing in a woman and i'm sure your partner will respond to that. good luck!

So I went to my boyfriends parents house this past weekend.. we went to the drive-in last night...and we kinda started making out...and he was feeling down there...over my pants like normal(I have yet to actually let him "in my pants") but when he hits the right spot I always stop him..and last night we was like "were you getting close" and I said yeah and he said "but you always stop me" and he asked why, and I said I dk....so then I basically let him get me off...but it took awhile...longer than when I do it myself...and it wasn't like normal...like it didn't feel as good as when I do it myself..but it still worked...because I felt the same way afterwards...then we drove back to my house today...and we were making out..and he did it again...but this time it took a really long...and he was like "are you getting close...because my hand is starting to hurt" well I'll be damned if that didn't add even more pressure....and he told me to guide him in the right spot...well I told him he was in the right spot....so again...he got me off...but it still didn't fell as good as usual...and it took freaking forever...and I dk what the problem is...because he was doing it right...but I was just focusing too much on trying to get off.. I guess I should relax more? I dk...it's like I have performance anxiety..and I told my one guy friend about this and he said it was probably because he was doing it over my pants...so that's why it took longer, and didn't feel as good...do you guys think that is true?

It takes most women longer unless he performs oral. As a matter of fact, longer is better, but you have to be on the same page and he will enjoy touching you as much as you like to be touched. To me there is nothing better than warming a woman to a nice glow and holding it. Then it's her turn to do the same and the more u practice self control, that is, having orgazms without ejaculating, the closer you will become and the better the communication between you two will get. Do some research on Tantra.

Well he said his hand was getting tired....so if it's better to take longer...than what was the problem? And this will sound REALLY weird...but when I masturbate...and get myself off...in order to do so...I get really tense....and sometimes hold my breath....I have to concentrate on it really hard...and my legs get really tense and kind of close....and I can orgasm in under 5 mins in that case...but when I was with him...it really did take forever...and I was unable to tense up and hold my breath because we were kissing...and I couldn't close my legs...because his hand was there...maybe I should practice doing it by just laying there...and totally relaxing?

If he is complaining about how long it takes, he's not on the same page with you. Breathing is what you want to do because it enhances your O. Yes learn to relax and enjoy yourself. I recommend some DVDs from the Tantra site: 1) Secrets of female Sexual Ecstasy 2)The art of Orgasm. Just grasp the concept of the information and if you want to get deeper, it's up to you. Preparation is important for good long secessions and there's nothing better than making your partner fulfilled.

This is really hard for me... I'm very bummed out. I'm so in love and my boyfriend can't give me an orgasm. bluelace12, I do the same when I masturbate and I think that sometimes has something to do with my current situation. I also think it may be psychological. My story is kind of long. I have always been over weight and when I met my current boyfriend he had just gotten out of a serious relationship. So we fooled around for a year and I could always tell he thought I was fat-which turned out to be true. I was and still am overweight. Not much. I was 167 now I am 145 and getting closer to my goal everyday but my weight isn't evenly distributed in fact it is all in my stomach.. all of it. After a year we started dating and we have been dating for a year. My boyfriend is really honest (and told me what he thought of my appearance although he did say he was ok with it) but because he rejected a relationship for that first year, b/c he wasn't ready and b/c I was overweight, it is really hard for me to not be completely confident all the time. He adores me and I know it but I feel like he is selfish. Selfish in bed but also he has kind of given up and I don't push the issue because when he tries and it still doesn't happen I get even more upset. He really wants me to get off and sex is really good but I just don't climax. I'm so upset about it. I know it has something to do with being self conscious, even though I portray confidence always. I don't think I focus enough when we have sex either because I think about my appearance. I also want to know if it is my birth control b/c I hear that can make it harder. I guess what I'm wondering is, what's wrong with me and will I ever have an orgasm by someone other than myself? I really want it to happen but I don't even know what to tell him when we do have sex. I guess it is hard for me to get over my appearance despite his reassurance. Sorry for the essay.