I need some advice. When I was 14 years old I met a 17 year old who I fell deeply in love with. After his 18th b-day I became pregnant with our child. When I was eight months pregnant he took off because he was "too young to be a dad" leaving me with the responsibilites of a newborn and the task of finishing high school. Well, life went on for me. When I was 16 I started dating the man who is now my husband and got pregnant with my second child at 17 and we married at 18 2 months before our son was born. So now I have been married nearly 2 years and I run into my ex. I have never ever stopped loving him despite the fact that he took off. I felt the sparks again as soon as I saw him. We sat and talked and he told me that he was still in love with me, and if I agreed he would leave his wife and we could run away together. I love my husband, but I wonder what to do because although he is a wonderful man, and the father of my children (he has helped me raise my first from birth) there is no chemistry between us. I don't like to be intimate with him, and when I give in I think of my ex (I always have) I know that this is not healthy, and I have no plans on leaving my husband, but I don't know how to handle this situation at all. Any advice is welcomed! Thank you

Teenie

Well, in my opinion I think that you should go to the guy who you love and would be better of staying with. If you are unsure right now,I would give it a bit of more time and see how everything goes. The first love is always hard to get over. I'm still in love with my first since these past 7 years and he has a baby and i'm about to get married soon. Sorry that I didn't give you too much of a good advise but I'm sure that other people here will try to help you. Good Luck!

I know what you mean about going with the guy I love... but my hubby is a wonderful man. He gave up his childhood to help me raise the child my ex left. We were both only 15! He didn't have to do that...that baby was my responsibility. That's one of the reasons it is so hard for me. Besides, I don't want to take his kids from home, or our stability from the kids. But I don't want to be unhappy. I just wish something would happen that would make me "fall in love" with my husband. I love him, but it's fading back to that "as a friend" love. That love is enough to keep me from breaking his heart, and pretending to enjoy intimacy even though I don't want to do it. I feel like an idiot. I guess I shouldn't have been so rash in marrying him, but I was a kid with a kid, and he was the only person who still wanted me for something other than sex, so I jumped on what could have been the only other man other than ex to love me. And now the fact that my hubby and I have our baby, and he has adopted my first child that makes things rather complicated. What would I tell my first after four years of growing up with my husband as her dad to tell her that "oh this is your real dad and we are going to go be with him now." And I wouldn't know what to do about the baby either. My husband and I were planning a third child until all of this happened. Now I don't want to have another baby with him because I'm afraid it will make me less appealing to my ex. man I am such a psycho! I just wish I knew how to feel. Like I said, I have no intentions on acting on all of this, but I need to know how to feel about it so I can m ove past it. I 'm so confused!!

There are a lot of different kinds of love. I think a lot of relationships fall into the "just as a friend love" eventually. No relationship will always have the spark that it did in the beginning. Have you tried to talk to your husband and tell him how you feel?

hi teenie,
ok...you still feel love for your first love but you are with a TERRIFIC guy who helped you raised both of your children. I know you love the other guy...but it seems to me that the guy just want you back because the hardest times of your life raising a child without him has past away. I think that you should try to forget about your first born baby's daddy and try to go on with your life with your husband. Try to talk with your husband and tell him whats going on. Tell him how you feel and you may also want to talk to the other guy if you haven't done so and ask him what made him change his mind, why now, and where does he sees himself with you. Think about how is he going to be with you and your two childs, is he going to treat the other kid different? Is he going to be there and support the family. This is a really big decision, but I don't think that I would leave someone like the guy that you have now who was there for you through the roughest times when the other guy just ran off. Think about it. Don't let a good person go.

as for the question above...you've made your excuses, so make a decision.
so what life may God have to offer? lest it be lived in lies.

I'm not necessarily making excuses, this is a very delicate situation. I have to chose between the man who even after all of the crappy stuff he's done still makes my heart flutter unlike anything I have ever felt before and the best friend I have ever had. My husband is a wonderful wonderful man. I think that I would sacrifice a life of that "sparks flying" kind of love to keep from hurting him. But living and carrying out "typical marital activities" with the man I love like my best friend is so hard too. It takes a lot of the enjoyment out of it... okay almost all of the enjoyment out of it I don't like avoiding that aspect of our relationship, but I do because it just doesn't feel right, does that make sense?

ooookay...so what part of my reply did you miss??

I didn't miss any part of your post, it just fails to offer any real advice or prospective. At least other people try. I have read most of your post on this forum, and yet all you do is post a few sentences about how you feel about that person, or riddles, yet no help, or advice which is what these people so desparately need. Some people are really having problems and require help in making decisions... if you aren't going to look at the whole situation and at least say clearly that I should consider one alternative as opposed to the other I would appriciate you not responding. Thank you.

so, I guess my opinion is not of the manner in which are willing to expect...thus my opinion is solely based on the feelings that you convey...no more, and no less.
Im sorry that you dont understand it that way...so good luck, and follow your own words that you have posted here...for that is where your answer is...no more, and no less... I'm through. regards, David.

Thank you for your words and the time you took to even read my post. I was unreasonable when I wrote that last post because my ex had called me again, and I guess I was wanting someone to look me straight in the face and tell me exactly what to do. This situation just sucks. Now ex is pressuring me to choose between him and my husband. I told ex that it is now and will forever be my husband that I choose and he says that I need to follow my heart because without love where is life? I believe that I must take care of my kids and do what is in their interest first anf foremost. I suppose that a man who wasn't ready for one then certainly won't be ready for two now and I don't know that he would openly accept my husband's son and that wouldn't be right. Time to grow up and make the hard decision for the good of my kids rather than what I feel is the right decision for myself. Thank you and again I am very very sorry!

Teenie