I married my current wife ten years ago. We spend a great deal of time together however the intimate portion of our life has become non-existent.
Two years into the relationship she began to complain that she was allergic to my semen. Following that she began on a campaign of "you don't approach me right", "I don't like you to approach me from the left" and other complaints. She acts as if touching certain parts of my anatomy are filthy or disgusting and when we do have sex she simply is inert and non-participative. I have tried to talk to her about this both directly and through counseling but she is mostly silent except to try and lay a guilt trip on me about her (many) complaints.
Prior to the marriage she had one of her ovaries removed, and in the past three years she has had her breasts removed and rebuilt (cancer scare).
This is my second marriage and I am feeling as if I am being taken advantage of. At no point has she shown the slightest interest in how I'm dealing with this. I've been trying to be supportive however I'm to the point where I don't even bother initiating relations with her as the outcome always turns out to a situation where I'm trying to get her 'turned on' and she's lying there inert, telling me "I'm doing this or that wrong".
This is a tough situation for you and it certainly has all the crisis alarm bells ringing.
I certainly can agree with you that the way the wife is acting towards your intimate relationship with her is very poor. A good marriage must have a good balance and most of all both parties must be happy that the other is doing their best to create that balance. Obviously your marriage is lacking that piece. Now there may be some good reasons why she is acting this way due to her medical problems or something she is not telling you about. Regardless - you two must get to the root of the problem so you can agree on a solution to fix the problem.
I really do believe this is something you two should consider going to professional counsiling. There are some deep rooted issues between you two that really need counsiling to solve. Yes it will cost a good chunk of money and yes it is very hard going to a 3rd party and spilling your guts out. But your marriage is on the line and you should NEVER throw a marriage away and you must fight hard to do anything that might help to fix the problems.
So go to her and explain where you feel your marriage is and how if things don't change you both are headed for divorce. I am assuming she does not desire a divorce and will be motivated to take action to save the marriage. If she refuses to go to counsiling then she is essentially saying she would rather get a divorce.
nunnzie is spot on in his post. All I can add is that if your family physician is the same for both of you, perhaps your physician could shed some light on what's going on with her health. Are there hormonal issues at work here? Should you expect some of these reactions? Most of all, should your/her doctor be telling the both of you that this could possibly be a result of the medical procedures?
Try asking some of these questions. But, talk to a counselor first.
