So I need advice but first I’ll tell my story in brief. So last July I started what was an emotional affair with someone I peripherally worked with. At the time I didn’t know what an emotional affair really was so I didn’t really understand the damage I was doing to our marriage. Finally, one night in late Sept. I went out with a large group of co-workers (there were 11 of us all together) and he told me he loved me and wanted me to come home with him. And I stupidly replied that I wished I could, but I knew I was going home to my husband. Another co-worker was driving me home because I was a little too wasted to drive myself home. So on the drive home my husband called me on my cell phone and was very belligerent to me and in order to “get the drop on him” I told him he could leave and he’d get lots of money in the divorce, on and on. It was bad. When I got home the guy who told me he loved me called and implied to my husband that he and I had slept together. Now I never hugged this guy, I never kissed or touched him and he didn’t do any touching of me at any point we’d known each other. Well, throughout all of this I had kept a journal, cause I have kept one all my life. I wrote about my fantasies during the emotional affair and the events of that night in the journal and my husband found it. He asked me what I was saying. I said “I love him and I don’t know why.” Very stupid remark on my part but I made it. I realized how stupid it all was and I’ve been working very hard to rebuild our relationship. We’ve become pregnant since then, just as we had planned to do before all this happened. But my husband is still having a very difficult time dealing with this. I no longer see this guy or any of the people who were there the night all this happened. My husband thinks they’re all a bad influence on me, and I’m okay with that. I have been in therapy for 5 months now cause I realized I had a mental issue that I need to accept and straighten out. But he doesn’t trust anything I say no matter how much proof I give him of something. I want to know if anyone has any advice as to what I can do to help him move on? Sometimes he wakes me up in the middle of the night to quiz me about all the same things again. And it’s really starting to take its toll on me, especially since I’m pregnant. Thanks for listening to my long ramble. Any advice is appreciated.

Building trust takes a long time, but losing it takes a few seconds. And re-building broken trust takes even much longer.

Have you asked yourself, how would you feel/react if the roles were reversed and you were in his shoes? Imagine, YOU found your husband's diary with compromising entries, he told YOU that he loved another woman), and a woman called you telling YOU that he and her had sex (it also would be her word against his). Your tust would be shattered as well, and you not know if anything he said is true. Right?

All you can do is give him all the time he needs to get over it. Do not give him even the slightest reason for doubt when you interact with other men.

And be aware of this potential problem for many marriages: when a child is born the mother focus all her love and attention to the baby, but neglects her husband. Have your husband play an active part in your life, and gibve him the same attention as the baby gets. Get a baby sitter once in a while and go on a "date" with him.

Your action got you in a difficult situation, but you can manage it. Hang in there and put all your effort in it. You both can't change in the past, try to move on together. ratgher than digging and dwelling in the past mistakes, try to look forward to a bright and common future.

Get the book "No Just Friends" by Shirley P. Glass, Ph D and read it with a highlighter so you can go back and reread the parts that apply to you. Then if you can get him to read it or share it with him when you are reading it, it might be helpful. I know how he feels as I have been in his spot too many times. My bf has refused to discuss these things and that is WHAT NEEDS to be done. It all takes time so be patient. Your behavior has hurt him deeply. Think how you would feel if the tables were turned.