I am a married woman who had an affair with a married man. I know it was wrong, but i really fell for this man. I met this man five years ago and we had an affair for around three months. I fell hard for this man. He was seperated from his wife, then went back to her. THree years later we met up again and started an affair again, again he seperated from his wife. This time though he told me how much he loved me, he acted like he couldnt get enough of me. He told me it was completly over with his wife. The lovemaking was incredible. I have never been with a man who can make love like him. I was so into him. I felt bad about cheating on my husband but i couldnt let go of this other man. Anyway, all this time he was working at going back to his wife. Eventaully he went back to his wife and he dumped me like a hot potato. He wrote to me later and told me how he regretted every moment with me, and how he had never stopped loving his wife. He said he couldnt believe how much he hurted his wife and that he is still now figthing so hard to win back her love and trust. I have a friend who actually knows his wife and I am disgusted to hear how much he treats his wife like a queen. How he is doing everything she says to win her love back. My husband found out too because his wife called and told him. Thank god men dont like to hear too many details. I am trying to work on my marriage now, but it is hard because i dont desire and love my husband like i did this other man. This other man said he loved me and wanted me always. We talked for hours!! How can he now say it meant nothing to him? How can he now act like I was just a whore available to him while he was without his wife? How could he have said and talked to me about everything and it not be true? I am so angry! I know I am the Other woman and people will say I deserve what I got, but I really, really loved this man. I hear that his wife is very angry with him and still has not forgiven him, yet he keeps begging and doing everything she wants. I thought he went back to her becasue of their kids, but when I hear about how much he tells everyone how sorry he is for what he did and how much he loves her, it makes me crazy. I loved this man, and I am heartbroken.
I want you to ask anyone, why do married men tell their mistresses how much they love them when its not true!! Why did he seem to share his heart with me and tell me we were soulmates when now all he wants is his wife. I am so angry!! I know I was wrong too...But i fell in love, thats why I did what I did, but why did he have to lie to me? Why?

Jackie,
Ok where do I start here? First it seems that you are more interested in why this man could hurt you rather then the moral issue of an affair so I will concentrate on that. Aside from the fact that the affair was wrong to begin with here are my thoughts.

These are just my very first thoughts after reading your post, again just my opinion.
It sounds like he did love you very passionately and very much. In my opinion he probably still does. His negative letter and talk seems to me to be for the benefit of his very angry wife, and not actually meant to relay his true feelings about you. I wouldn't doubt if his wife actually read the letter. He wrote and said those things because thats what his wife expects to hear from a hubby who's been caught cheating. (My Opinion) is that he may not even love his wife as much as he says he does. What he loves is his comfortable existance right now (which by the way happens to include his wife). At this critical moment in his (comfortable) marraige, if he doesn't say and do the right things she will pack up the kids and hit the road. Even though he may have loved you more emotionally and physically it probably wasn't worth loosing everything he has worked for. Think of it, move to a different house, split all your personal possesions, split financial accounts, and not to mention only seeing your children half as much as you do now. I'm speaking from personal experience here. LOL!

When my ex announced she wanted a divorce I was devistated! I would have done anything to keep her from splitting up the family. But after talking to a councelor and friends I realized that it wasn't loosing (HER) that bothered me, it was loosing my comfortable existance. I didn't realize that I no longer really loved her but the whole cozy family thing we had built. It just killed me to split up the family and do that to those two innocent little boys. They are adopted and we were supposed to be giving them better homes. To no longer be a part of their daily routines every day just killed me. The fact that I discovered my ex had started an affair just prior to her announcement didn't even bother me as much.
So it may not be his wife he loves morethen you, it could just be his comfortable and convenient existance he has with her. I would be willing to bet that if she couldn't find it in her heart to reconcile and kicked him out that you'd be getting a call (this time a little more friendly if you know what I mean).

So that being said, now about this whole infidelity thing...............

Hope this helped.

Brigor,
I couldn't agree with you more. I think you are a hundred percent right on the money. I believe that the married man did have feelings for you. He may have truly loved you, but it will always be a different kind of love than he feels for his wife. I agree that he said what he said in the letter to apease his wife. However, now that the relationship is over, I think you need to move on Jackie. Figure out what it was about this man that made you so obsessed with him and see if you can find any of those things in your husband. If not, determine if you husband has the potential to be these things to you and for you. I don't know how to advise you in trying to change the desirability you have for your husband except for to remember what it was about him that made you all in love with him and marry him in the first place.