I'm getting married in 7 months. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years but the problem is that I also have feelings for another guy (my x) for almost 7 years. Not only that..but me and my bf have problems like every day. We argue over almost everything but then we are fine. Our problems got to the point of even hitting each other. I'm not going to put all the blame on him...but hes the one that starts first with the hitting. I hate it when he does that because it makes me think that he can controll me. He is 100 times stronger than me and I get very scared when we are arguing because when that happens, he finds the way to hurt me by twisting my arm or grabbing me hard. The other day, we were arguing and started to fight because I just didn't wanted to have sex with him. He didn't respect me at all. It got to the point that I closed myself in the bathroom because I didn't wanted to be around him. he almost broke the door but didn't because I opened it. This all happend in my sistes house while she wasn't there. I kept on telling him that I want to leave but he didn't wanted to. He had my car keys and my clothes and didn't want to give it to me. Then the worse thing happend. He put his hand around my mouth and nose and I couldn't breath. I couldn't breath at all. He held it for 10-15 seconds. I thought that I was going to die. I cried after that the whole time. I felt scared and I didn't know what to do. I told him that we should postponed the wedding in order for him not to feel bad but he doesn't want to. I know that you must be saying why I said yes in the first place..but I said yes to him because he asked me to marry him infront of 15 people. I didn't wanted to make him feel bad.

I don't know what to do. I have almost everything ready for the big day.

get pre-marital counseling!!!

domestic violence can be deadly! do not marry this man until you've seen a professional!

this is probably the scariest thread i've seen here. i'd rather be cheated on than beaten on! that's how bad i feel about this issue! argh!

Trust me -- if he's hitting you now it will only get worse once you're married. You need to break it off now until he can prove to you that he has sought help for his violent temper.

I don't know where to find help at. I tried once on seeking for help but they never called me back. Today was a preety bad day for me and him. We work at the same place and people there tried to get me jealous. By saying to me...oh there is the girl that be flirting with him everytime and that be asking for him. I didn't get mad because I am really tired of the same thing over and over. But I asked him what was up with that other girl, he said nothing but everytime that the females that he knows come into the restaurant that we work at, he gets nervous and tried to ignore them while I am there. People say that he acts different when I am not around. I know that some what, the rumors are not a lie because I have seen those girls ask for him in a flirty way. AND most of the time that I talk to him about those girls, he gets really mad and starts talking out loud infront of everyone. He gets me so sad inside. I ask myself why am I still with him. Why I can just leave. I try. But I can't...he doeasn't leave me alone. He finds me everywhere I go. Anyways, I know that I have to do something for my own good. You don't know how bad I want to tell someone what he has done to me while I was at my sisters house the last time we got in a fight. I feel like screaming out loud and ask God why is this happening to me. I have a huge feeling that if I get married with him, I will die . I live in Connecticut, does anyone know anybody there that can help me with this problem?

yeah...its called 911.
and the front door.

Once again, he tells me that he will try to change. Tomorrow we are getting pre-marital counseling. I really hope that everything works out for me and him after that.

ok, look jenn...here's the truth and you should better listen ok?ok.
YOU CANNOT CHANGE A PERSON FROM WHOM THEY REALLY ARE!!!
so now look me in the eyes and listen...I spent 12 years in an abusive marrage that was of a mental and emotional fashion.
so, after years of hoping and trying, and therapy...I have found that you or any other means of working this out will not change "these people" they will say that they "will try". [these two words make me sick]
jenn. about a year ago I gave advise to a woman here on these boards who had two children together that she should leave him for his explosive short temper...and she did...so to me I felt a relief and comfort knowing that I had helped a total stranger and her children to find a better way of life and not to go on with this insanity. so now the best that I can offer is to help those "see the truth" as it really is before time and the pain has gone too long...I thank God that you two dont have any children, so please, move on. ok?ok.

I would LOVE to move on, but I feel that I am trap in this relationship. I have told him so many times that I don't want to be with him because I have feelings for someone else. I have told him so many times that it will be better off if we postponed the wedding so that I can cut off the relationship with him later on, I have done bad things and told him later on in order for him to leave me. I hurted his feelings and he is still there. I am not a bad person now. I just know and I told him so many times that our relationship is not going to work and he says that we can try. That everybody is different and that our relationship might work. I have almost everything ready for the wedding. Most of my family are coming to the US from PR to see me on 'my big day'. As you can see, I am stuck! To tell you the truth, the only way that I can really and definately leave my fiancee is if I was to go back with someone else who has my heart and run away with him. But.....hes supposely 'in love' with someone else.

Jenn. You need to get out of the relationship, your family will understand, and if the wedding isn't for another 7 months, that it plenty enough time for your family to cancel their flights! You aren't thinking clearly you are like me, you don't want to hurt anything or anyone even if it means you get hurt. Drop that attitude at the door on you way out or this relationship. Life is too short to have to deal with this crap!!! And by the sounds of it, life might be a little shorter if you stay with this abusive man!

Teenie

jenn...my reply to you is absolute...[in my opinion] so I have knothing further to say.......

Hi there,
Well, I'm not getting married anymore. I exploded last week and told my sister everything that was going on with me and my 'X'. She then helped me out on telling my mother to convice me on not to get married. Somewhat, I feel sad about the whole situation, but not as sad as I felt when I was with him. I exploded and told my sister because i was really tired of everything, plus he started treating me like S***. Everytime I look at the stuff that me and him bought together for the wedding, I start to cry. Right now, I feel so lonely...but I know that I should try to stop feeling like this. Well, that was all. I just wanted to give ya a little update.

Take care everyone!

jenn...I'm at a true loss of words...given that I can be known for my "winded" opinions. he,he.
so, I'll just say... God bless.
ps. I'd suggest cashing in on that stuff and taking mom and sis. out to dinner and out on the town.
Dave.

Thanks...I hope that I can go on with my life and hopefully in the future I can fall in love again and be happy with someone who respects me.

well, you have about 50,000,000 other men to meet out there so... you go girl!
remember...what you want in life matters the most. so, set your sights in what you want and what you like in a man [and of yourself] then do not stray or even compromise...you hear??? good.

thanks!