several weeks ago I have posted a message about me "cheating" on my bf of 4 yrs.... I've been reading your posts and it makes me sad.. My father was a cheater, as a child I saw him with a woman and I told my mom..I have seen my mom crying over the years, she has never talked to us, kids, about it, however they stayed together for 35years. I am 30 yr old woman now, I have a child, 2 1/2 yrs old, ..my relationship with my bf has gone sour after our little one was born, it was expected, changes, new tasks, all that, however we never picked up, ..I went to visit my family in Europe a couple of years ago, while I was gone my bf went to a strip club and the word is that he had payed a striper to give him a blow job, he sais that that's what he told the guys he was with cuz that's what they all wanted to hear and that he acctually had a payed for a lap dance......however, when I got back from Europe, he never told me anything, I found out about all this a yr later by accident... I beleive that, because of the way I grew up, I am somewhat "damaged"and it doesn't matter how hard I try I just can't bring my trust levels to the point of blindness, and something happened then, i talked to him, I tried to understand what happened, he tried to make up, it's almost like a part of me died, but I went on, and on,and one day I found mysef so far away from my bf,..... his work is like 12hrs a day, he comes home, watches tv, goes to bed, and that's our life, we have sex sometimes, once a month, maybe...I had days when I wanted to talk, and I did for hrs, i was the only one talking....don't even know if he ever listened...
sorry but I need to tell the entire story... Not very long time ago we finaly talked, acctually he talked back, after 4 damn yrs, he told me that I have destroyed his life, that he wanted to do stuff, that he didn't want a child (do u recall my post now?)..that he was never attracted to me physically, that he "gave" me the child cuz he felt sorry for me at the time and that he was lonley..and of course I was the HURT pathetic woman and fell in this other guy's arms, who was keeping them spread for me for the longest time, I just never noticed them till then...and to make my story even more "exciting", I, yes I couldn't bear the quilt and misery that I was feeling(even though I didn't feel it right away) and I told my dear bf what happened, he was MAD, wow, he actually has feelings (I thought for a moment), two weeks later he went to his tv, work, we don't talk..ANyone has an opinion of all this??

me again.........
WHAT IS THE POINT??? Hey I cheated, maybe he does too, since he's acting like this, what is the point of SAVING a marrige, a relationship, when all I can see is hurt, tears, unhappiness, sorry, I just don't know what's right anymore... Maybe I just haven't find my "true love"...maybe it's my fault, maybe I just want to be happy and I want everything to be too perfect for it to happen in reallity..
stens to me.......

Leave him.

That's all I can say. If there is no love in the relationship, and he says that kind of stuff to you, he doesn't deserve you. I despise cheating...but you wanted love in your life, and your boyfriend was not giving it to you, and he was doing thigns himself. You need better.

He wants to do stuff, let him. You can nail him for child support and find a man who will treat you much better.

I understand how you feel, I was in a relationship simular to yours.....
he didnt care about my feelings....
he was always staring at other girls in front of me and answering the phone during sex.....
he was possesive and controlling and put me down....after he finally confessed that he cheated my feelings for him died even more.
If you tell him how he feels and he still shows no improvement then he's just selfish and cruel.
If I were you I would probably give it one more push....and then if things didnt change....
I would leave. Life's too short. Good luck

My sister in-law went through a similar situation, but no kids involved. My brother cheated multiple times on my sister in-law. He was cold to his wife and would say very mean and hurtful things. He wanted her to be the one to leave, so his family wouldn't blame him for the divorce. Even after a year, he still wouldn't fill out divorce paperwork because he didn't want to pay for it. He makes great money and so does she, so I guess money was just another way to hurt his wife. My advice is to ask your hubby what he wants. I would hate to see anyone go through what my sweet litte sister in-law went through, so if he is truly done with your relationship, find out now, so you can move on and find someone better while you are still young. Be strong. He does not have the right to hurt you the way he has, and as for your indescretion, I am not justifying it, but I am sympathetic. If he is anything like my brother, running into another man's arms would have felt really good. Love is nice to have. Love yourself and know that there is a God who loves you and wants to comfort you as well. God has the biggest arms I know of. Best wishes, Julie

thank you, thank you for all your help!!!

Get out! Get child support! Your duty is now to kids. You have no marital vows that you are breaking. Get counseling and do not look back. Understand that he will be part of the kids life, but he doesn't have to be part of yours. Better is just around the corner. Be patient, it might be a BIG corner.