I am a single man who has been friends with an older married woman for 4 years. We work together and have shared the ride to work on and off for a similar amount of time. We have grown very close to the point we know almost everything about each other. We share all our problems. I think she is way too good for her husband, but her kids are great and we get on really well.
A couple of years ago I admitted I was in love with her and I wanted to take our relationship further. She let me down gently and explained she was married and wouldn't cheat on her husband. I accepted this and we continued to work and travel together. My friend however continues to confide in me about her marital problems. We always openly flirt together and everyone who knows us sees we have a chemistry and suspect there's more to our relationship than we let on. Her husband knows we are very close friends. She has told him we are just friends and nothing physical will ever happen.
However, she admits she loves spending time with me and has recently started arranging to meet up with me to go for walks and to chat. These meetings are done without the knowledge of her husband. She invites me round to her house to help her with jobs she cannot do around the house. There is always someone else around though.
We send each other emails and texts, we share secret jokes and confide in each other daily. More recently during a messaging conversation I asked her to send me a topless photograph of her and to my surprise she sent me one. She tends to blow hot and cold with me as though some days she loves me and others she does not. If we fall out for a while she always comes back to being the same flirtatious best friend.
I think we are having an emotional affair and I'm addicted to the highs & lows. She denies she wants to make it a physical affair but her sending me topless photographs is sending me the signals that she wants more than she's letting on.
Does anybody think we are on the verge of taking our relationship to the next level?
Is it wrong to have a loving, non physical relationship with a married woman?
I'd be interested to hear from anyone who has been in a similar situation and what the outcome was!
You both need to stop what you are doing because you both are headed down the road for disaster. Yes she may be unhappy with her hubby. Yes you might have a strong love for her. Yes she might also be enjoying the interest from another man. But all of these don't provide an excuse for your behavior as she is MARRIED. She took vows to love and honor her husband until death - not until a better offer comes down the road. On top of that she has a family to consider and her behavior is putting her family at risk of a lot of pain and suffering if this affair elevates to the next level.
She is not helping things by fanning the flames and sending you topless pics and setting up priviate chat meetings. She is obviously going behind her hubbys back for these things which is wrong. The more you two flirt and share private encounters the more likely that you are both going to cross the line.
So I suggest the only remedy to the situation is for you both to stop the chatting and private encounters. I suggest you focus you attention on other women that are single and available rather than wrecking a marriage. Yes you are potentially wrecking the marriage. Yes I know she will tell you that her hubby is the cause of the problem but in her mind she will need something to blame her problems.
I was kind of hoping to hear from people who had been in a similar situation that had managed to take the relationship further, and what the outcome was. Did it end happily ever after for you?
Nunnzie, your comments make logical sense, but we are emotional beings stirred by passion. There is no way either of us will stop seeing each other intentionally.
MasterMisfit, your comments made me laugh so much... thanks for brightening my day up! I'm glad you think we're a perfect match!
Misfit...I don't think Glen caught on to the true tone of your post. Or else he did and is being sarcastic himself. In any event you're right. Why ruin another family, there's already too many out there that have been split. Mine included! If I were this womans husband and found out what was going on (even though it hasn't involved sex) I would not be a very happy man! Look for someone who is actually available before this guy twists you into a pretzel. You might be surprised by what you find.
I just experienced something similar. I became friends with a woman I would work with from time to time. Her problems began with her husband one year ago. We grew friendly and I became her "sounding board" of all her problems. Things got worse for her and her husband but after some time, I started having feelings for her and we would talk, text, online chat whenever we got a chance.
It never crossed over to the physical side.
Realizing what was happening was wrong, I dropped the bomb on her and told her not to call anymore. Yes, it was brutal. But I made sure to explain that what we were doing was wrong and if she truly loved her husband, she should focus on the marriage.
It was tough but let's face it, it's best to pursue those who are not attached.
Thanks nunnzie. I have to give some of the credit to you and your advice to the other poster. I was really uneasy about the whole situation and stumbled on this group. The words you wrote made perfect sense and just reaffirmed my feelings.
Words of advice to others who are married: work it out the best you can. Go to a therapist before going to a "regular" person of the opposite sex. And if you can't stick with the person, get a divorce before getting involved with someone else.
Words of advice to others who are becoming a confidant of a troubled married person: steer clear of such people. It may feel great to have someone pursue you, but let's face it, you're treading on dangerous ground with a great chance you'll get hurt in the long run.
