I made the stupidest mistake ever a few months ago. I cheated on my wife of 4 years. We have always had a very happy marriage, very loving and just right in almost every way.

Then I cheated on her. It happened during a vulnerable time... Career problems, mother lost house and is almost homeless, and wife went out of town for a month. I'm not making excuses, but this was not like me and I have tried to analyze my mindframe, though I know the decision was mine through the whole process.

I began overeating, was depressed, and finally sought and got a one-night stand. The girl kept texting me for like 2 weeks and she caught me a couple months later through call records.

Now I feel horrible. I have hurt her so bad and am so scared of losing her. She went home to another state to visit her family and think for a while. I have tried to communicate with her that I could never ever do this again, seeing her in this pain and facing the possibility of losing her, but of course I have lost all credibility. I am still trying to understand how I could have risked it in the first place and am seeking counseling this week (first appointment tomorrow).

Throughout the process we have actually still laughed and joked, and been able to carry on a civilized conversation (we've never been arguers). We talked on the phone last night, more laughter and positive discussion. Then I got an email this morning that she doesn't want to talk for a few days. She says she gets confused when we talk and can't think straight and that she wants to work it out but isn't sure if she can get through this. She says she feels like a weak woman for wanting to work it out, but I tell her I think she's strong for wanting to work through the pain to save us.

I am trying to give her the space, but I'm afraid I should be doing more, and that every day we don't talk, it will make it easier to talk herself into not trying. The first two days after she left, I cried non-stop but I have tried to keep from doing it when we talk to make this easier on her. We have agreed that if we give it another shot, we will go to counseling. I just want to get us to that point. One of the worst things about this whole situation is that I have a child from a previous marriage. She spends only two months a year with us, but my wife is a better mother to her than her real mother is, and I'm afraid I may have ruined a very positive female figure in her life. I love her so much, I want to keep her and work this out. How should I act? What should I do?

Moxi,
Well you really stepped in it this time, didn't you? You certainly have a long road ahead of you. At least you've taken a good first step toward recovery by admitting your mistake. As far as advice, I guess you know your wife best and should be able to tell how much (or little) pressure to put on her. However, it has been my experience that when they say they need time alone to think they usually mean it! Continued pestering only serves to push them away further. I know how incredibly hard it is to not know what they are thinking or planing to do. I am the type of person who wants to talk things out NOW and get an answer on a problem right away. It is going to be agonizing to give her the space and thinking time she needs but I'm afraid you'll have to find a way to do it. She might be grateful and come back with the answer you're looking for, but also prepare yourself for some bad news.
I guess what I would do is wait until she comes back and sit her down for a good heart to heart.
It's ok to show her emotion, just don't fall on your knees and start blubbering all over the place. LOL! Don't pester, don't repeat yourself, and don't try and sound like your preaching or trying to sell the new and improved version of hubby 2.0. Confess completely and honestly, tell her exactly what you did and why you did it. Then tell her how you feel now and what you'll do to fix it and gain her trust back. But telling her what you'll do and actually doing it are 2 totally different things. You'll have to prove yourself through your actions. (or lack of action in your case, LOL!)
In any case just put it out there for her in black and white and then you'll just have to sit back and trust that she'll make a favorable decision. If she doesn't, it will be up to you to accept your fate like a man and honor her decision with humility. You made your decision now you'll have to live with hers what ever that may be.
I hope this has helped, please keep us up to date on further developments.
Good luck my friend!