I just wanted to update my post. I'd posted back in January, and we were trying to work things out. Well I filed for divorce a month ago. Now I'm just waiting for the court date to get here so I can move on with my life without him. I am moving 800 miles away.
I really tried to get past what he did.He never really acted sorry, or remorseful.He said countless times that he wouldn't kiss a**. He wasn't affectionate anymore.He really changed for the worse.He is STILL working with the other lady after amost 9 months of me finding out.I know that he's had many opportunities to get out of that department,but he hasn't even made a effort.I don't think he wants to leave her side.His excuse for not trying to talk me out of the divorce is that he deserves to suffer and be alone. WHATEVER!!! In that case, why did we seek counseling from the deacon?If he felt like that, it should've been in the begining,not now.Why have I wasted 9 months of my time trying to get over this?I KNOW that I could've gotten over it if he would've acted sorry he did it, not sorry that he got caught.I hope they will be miserabe together.Hopefully one day he will wake up and resent her for losing everything.Then it will be too late.I hope she cheats on him so he can have a taste of his own medicine.I know that once I'm gone and they don't have to sneak around anymore, the excitement will be over.I just hope she was worth throwing away 18 years of marriage and 3 wonderful kids for.But I KNOW she wasn't worth it. She's a no good home wrecking witch.

I understand so well your anger and bitterness and that you wish them bad luck. When my ex-wife cheated and left, I was in the same boat like you. The same time when I decided to move far away, I also realized that I can either take my depressed attitude with me and have my "new life" overshadowed with "old feelings", or that I can start my new peaceful, tranquil and happy life in the new area. I changed my entire attitude and totally closed my past emotionally. I've learned that it drove my ex-wife completely nuts when I did no longer care about her life at all and what she was doing.

My advice: do the same; let go your past relationship and don't care about him; and don't dwell in questions like "why" and "what might happen to him". HE threw away the marriage not you, and HE for sure will learn that the grass is NOT greener on the other side; and that the cherries in neighbor's garden may look more desirable, but also have a lot of worms. Trust me, HE will learn what big mistake he made, and what HE lost.

And another advise: over your anger and bitterness, DO NOT use your kids to punish him. Unfortunately, my ex-wife alienated my daughter from me. Although I send her letters/cards, and always birthday/Christmas gifts, I hear nothing since years! And when I try to call her, I only hear "she does not want to talk to you". Children are a God given gift and much too pressuous than to be used as weapons. Don't tell your kids how bad he is, but let them create their own picture. Always remember: no matter what, he is still their father.

Feel free to contact me, if you have any questions. I do not want to share my email here in a public forum, but you can send me a note via my webpage:
california.fanspace.com ---> use the form on "Email To Webmaster"

I wish you good luck in starting a new peaceful and happy life :-))

Thanks for your reply. It's strange coming from a man. I'm not using the kids as a weapon to punish him. Honestly, he doesn't deserve to have the kids in his life. He's a bad influence on them. But I will never turn them against him, or keep them from him. I'm moving so far away becasuse I have no family here. My nearest relatives are 800 miles away. Besides, I don't think I could handle seeing him with another woman. Knowing he was with someone else is bad enough. Even after all he has done to me, I still love him. But love is not enough in this case. I have heard from 2 more people today that he's still talking to her. I've gotten to the point that I don't care anymore. I just wish he'd have enough respect to wait until me and the kids are gone. I feel like they are laughing behind my back. The thing is that we are still living together. He sleeps on the couch. It is hard for me living in the same house as him, but he won't leave and I have no where to go. This 60 day waiting period really sucks. I'm so ready to get on with my life. I can't pack or anything yet. I don't even know when we will go to court. Our 60 days will be up on June 25th. So I figure it will be around the begining or middle of July before it's all over. Time is going so slow.

Another Update: I have found out for sure that he is sleeping with the other woman again. What's so bad is that we are still living in hte same house. I told him that he either needs to go ahead and move out, or calm things down until the divorce is final. I told him that he's still committing adultry, and disrespecting me and the kids. There are even rumors going around that she's pregnant. He had a vasectomy at the begining of December, so he's pretty stupid if she is, and he thinks it's his. Oh well, that's his problem.

I've decided not to move after all. He has agreed to make my house payment if I stay. I realized that I was only running from my problems. Besides, I've lived here for 25 out of 35 years of my life. This is what I know. My life is here. My mom is upset that I'm not moving, but I told her that I have to do what's best for my kids, and I feel that stying is best for all of us. Yes, it will kill me the first time I see his truck parked at her house, or see them together. But that works both ways. We'll see how he reacts when he sees me in the arms of another man. I just hope everything will be smooth sailing from here on out.

Hi, I could'nt help but reply to this..I divorced my husband after 20 yrs of being with him married for 17..3 beautiful children, 17,13,8...We were divorced maybe a year and a half now..He lived here 7 months after..was supposed to get a nice house, somewhere where the children felt comfortable; instaed he moved in with another who has 4 children from different fathers..yes and guess what?? She knew my ex husband one month and got pregnant..thier baby was just born..you talk about hurt. Unbelieveable, words cannot even describe. So many hurt hearts felt by the children as well.