Ladies and Gentlemen, I ask for advise out of sheer desperation. Please help me make the right decision. Here is my story... I am a 23 year old female. My fiance and I have been together almost 4 years. We have an amazing 2 year old daughter. He proposed In Feburary and our wedding is September 20th. I'm having second thoughts, only I don't think it's just cold feet. My fiance is an incredibly great guy. I honestly couldn't ask for more. He is extremely good look ing. He works 2 jobs to pay for our fantasy wedding, and he loves me in a way I never knew possible. There is nothing this man would not do for me. He has treated me like an absolute queen from day one and in 4 years nothing has changed. He is the man that all little girls dream of. So, what is the problem right? I miss the sparkles and butterflies. I know they eventually go away with any relationship, and it takes work to keep things afloat, however, I'm afraid that I may miss them too much. I flirt with every guy I meet. When we are out togeher, I'm constantly checking out every guy around. I develop crushes all the time. I have only acted on one of them. I kissed a man about a year ago, but afterwards, I was so sick with guilt that I came straight home and confessed everything. I love him...I know this..but is it the right kind of love? Is it normal to still flirt and still have crushes. I feel so guilty when he holds me at night, and I'm fantasizing about someone else. I have these "slumps," as I call them, every 6 months or so...and eventually they go away, and I go back to relationship bliss..but are these slumps normal, or am I just putting off the inevitable....us going our separate ways. I've ended things with him before. That lasted about 2 days. I was overwhelmed with guilt because I knew I had tore his heart out, and I missed him so much that I begged him back. That is true love, right? If I didn't love him, why did I care if he was hurting? I don't question if I love him...Sometimes, I just feel like I met him to soon. There is no doubt in my mind that I want to spend the rest of my life with him..I'm just not sure if I want the rest of my life to start right now. I don't know if I'm done being wined and dined. I don't expect him to put his life on hold and wait on me to grow up. Do I just take the oppertunity to make a marriage commitment with this great man that I do really love, or do I call the whole thing off for a few meaningless flings, and ruin the history he and I have built together, and the future yet to come? Is it worth it? If I don't are we doomed for divorce. I asked him yesterday if he thought it was possible that we would divorce. He said absolutely not because he loved me too much. In my mind I wasn't so sure. Is this just because I'm having a "slump?" Is this something I should take into consideration before marriage. We only have 9 weeks left!!!! HELP!!!!!

cabin, i understand what you're going through. after reading through your message, i realized something about you. you're not ready to be married and you're not ready to commit yourself to this guy for the rest of your life. you still yearn the attention from other guys which causes you to flirt. am i right? all i can say is to tell your honey how you feel because if you keep it all bottled up inside, you'll be fooling yourself. my question is: do you want to get married and live unhappily? you said you have only 9 weeks left, i think now's that time to let the cat out of the bag and tell him how you feel before you tie the knots. cabin, i'm 25 and i'm married. i wanted to be married because i know it in my heart it feels right. so don't worry just be patient and you're heart will let you know it's time. you shouldn't be getting married if you know it in your right it's not the right time. think twice before you say "i do".

Thank you so much for your reply. Everything you have said I have gone over in my mind time and time again. However, I guess I need to make a decision on what is more important. I feel like it would be stupid to just call the whole thing off because even if I do that, I'm not going to break up with him. I would miss him too much. I want to be with him, and I want to marry him, I just don't know if I'm ready to leave the excitement of the dating scene behind me. I just want my cake and eat it too basically. Things won't change just because I call off the wedding. I'm not going to go anywhere. I'll still be with the same man, and feeling the same feelings just with the same last name that I have now. I'm not going to break up with him. I do love him. I almost wish he would break up with me just so I could "get this out of my system," and then we would get back together and get married then. I don't question that I want to spend the rest of my life with HIM. I know it's HIM....I just don't know that's it's right now. It's kind of like" Sh!t or get off the pot!!!" We've been together for 4 years. Even if I call off the wedding...I'm still going to be with him. So I might as well just marry him now..I want to someday anyway. So here is the conclusion I've come to... I've always thought that when you love someone and you make a commitment to them... you are never supposed to have "romantic" feelings for someone else. You should no longer develop crushes on anyone else. You're not supposed to if you're in love. I now know that I have been wrong. Just because I love him, doesn't mean that I'm no longer human. I will still develop a crush on someone from time to time, and I may still develop feelings for someone else. That doesn't mean that I don't love him, it only means that I'm human. It's what you decide to do with these feelings that shows if you love them or not. I will not put myself in a situation where I may act on these feelings. I will not beat myself up over feeling them, that is only natural. Tell me what you think of this conclusion. Thanks so much

hey there -I understand completely how you feel. I got married at 23, and was real wishy-washy about it. (I'm 27 now and still happily married) I feel that it is normal to have urges like that, but what makes a difference is if you act out on them. I know my husband flirts with different women, and I'll flirt with men, but nothing ever happens...don't get me wrong, we don't flirt that much because we have 2 little kids at home and he works nights. I feel that it is human nature to always think the grass is greener. Don't you ever feel that way about having a child? I always think to myself "what if?" What if I wasn't married? What if I didn't have a child? What if I finished college?

Life is about making decisions. I think you are feeling that you are giving up all rights to being "single" (not available) by getting married --marriage is not that bad.

take care.

well it seems like biggy says it all...cabin, you should listen to biggy. i understand that we all have to go through some tough decisions and we have to make sure it's right. i had to decide if i wanted to get married and i did. i know it in my heart that it was the best decision i made or else i wouldn't be where i am right now. we all go through the emotions and it's like riding the roller coaster. we're like "yes, i want to get married" and then it's "no, i don't want to get married." i hate the "yes/no" questions because it's causing us to break down and think things over before we come to a conclusion. like what everyone says..think twice before you act. i hope things will work out for you,cabin and good luck in whatever your decisions are. just remember that we, boardmembers, support you and we care for you...put a smile on that beautiful face