Okay so I have been with the same guy for 4 yrs. We have been engaged for 2 yrs. Two weeks ago he told me he cheated on me once and told me it would never happen again and asked me to stay with him. I made the decision to work it but last week I found out I am pregnant five weeks. We were trying for a baby so I am thrilled, but I am scared he is going to do it again. Or maybe I won't be able to let it go. Anyone have any suggestions on how I can quiet the arguement carrying on in my head. It is like an inner struggle that no one is winning!!!
So let me get this straight. Been engaged for 2 years with a guy that cheated on you. Took a step back to evaluate the situation and determine if you will want to marry this guy (right move). But in the meantime you get pregnant because you two were trying to conceive? Are you crazy? It's one thing to slip up and have a little surprise but to desire a child out of a loving marriage is just plain dumb and completly irresponsible.
Well you better get you act together and start moving in the right direction. Suggest you have some serious communications with your fiance about his ability to make a good husband and be a responsible parent. This will be a good test for him to see if he is ready to grow up and be there for you. You might even consider professional pre-marriage counsiling to ensure you are both ready for marriage. If you determine you are not ready to be married with this guy I suggest you consider adoption of your child to a loving 2-parent family.
I think you misunderstood me. He cheated while we were trying for a baby and now I am pregnant. I have wanted a baby a long time and adoption is out of the question this is something I have wanted forever. We love each other I just am trying to get perspective and guess I am wondering how to deal with all the emotions that are running through me. I have never been an emotional person and I have yet to cry in like 6 yrs. I don't deal the same way most people do and I am mainly needing an outlet for the frustration I am feeling. Plus I know he won't do it again but I still have a desire to speak my mind without always bringing it up to him all the time
No - didn't misunderstand you. I am just absolutely floored that anyone would be trying to get pregnant outside of a sound marriage. I completly think it is a very selfish act and puts a terrible burdon on the poor child. Having kids in a happy, stable marriage is hard enough but doing this outside of a stable marriage is just plain irresponsible.
I was debating weather or not to get in on this one but I just can't hold back any more. A couple of thoughts. Did your fiance' tell you why he cheated? Keep in mind that this is only my opinion. But my guess is that the conditions surrounding his decision to cheat haven't changed all that much since he did it. He will say anything he can to you so you won't leave him but I would be willing to bet his mindset hasn't changed all that much. Due to personal experience with this I may have a pesamistic view, however it has always been my feeling that if they did it once it won't be very hard for them to do it again. Just my personal feelings. Now, regarding the pregnancy. First off, since you've been trying to get pregnant and you have now achieved your goal, congratulations! However I am once again forced to agree with nunzie. Here's why. My ex wife and I were unable to have children of our own so we decided to adopt. Finally 10 years after we started we had the first of 2 boys we adopted. Without getting into too much detail and while still being politically correct, we adopted our two sons from situations that were somewhat less desirable then the one they were coming to. We were giving these boys a life in a happy 2 parent household that they could never have dreamt of. Then when my wife announced her desire for a divorce I fealt absolutely horrible. Not because of what it would do to me, but what it would do to the boys. We were supposed to be improving there life over what they would have had, now we were splitting up the family. I felt incredibly guilty. I am happy to say that their mother and I have a good relationship still and the boys have adjusted well. But I still wish things could have been better for them. There's my two cents worth. Good luck.
