My wife and I have been together for 12 years and married for 5. Apparently she fell out of love for me even before we got married, but we are such good friends and have such a wonderful relationship aside from that, that she though it would be enough. Wrong. She has been having an affair for the last two months! I found out a month ago and we are in counseling, but she has not cut things off with him completely. She says that she loves him and that she has not felt the love for me for years. She has no hope that she can love me again. Does anyone know how I can convince her or help to realize that love can be re-built? If she had some hope she might be motivated to try. For now, she is not sure what to do, but I believe she is heading his way...not mine. Please give me any pointers/ideas you might have. Thank you

The most important thing for you to realize is that the only person you can change is YOU!! You can't change who she is. And it will only hurt you more to try and fail. You need to look at the things you can do to be a wonderful partner. whether it be with her or without her. As Dr. Phil would say, "How much fun are you to live with"? Sometimes it is much better to try and salvage what's left of your friendship rather than lose it all trying to fix EVERYTHING. I'm sorry for your hurt but you need to realize that you only have one life to live and you would be better being healthy alone than sick with her!!!! I know it's kinda late but hope I could help.

The only thing I can say is try doing things that you used to with her when you were falling in love together. My husband and I used to go for walks all the time and I miss that dearly. We are way too busy with a new company and a new baby to walk as much as we used to but we try to go whenever we can.
However I do agree it is pointless to try to change someone. They need to love you the way you are and for who you are and the same vise versa. But going back to the way things were might help her want to change.