My name is Steve Arnold. My wife, Julie, discovered that we were expecting our first child just days after graduating from law school. She always wanted to raise our children herself, so she decided to waive goodbye to her life's dream of being a respected attorney.
I've watched her selflessly care for our three children - doing everything she could to provide the best home possible for them; wiping dirty butts, cleaning up after them, cooking meals for them when she was too sick to go, carting them to many events, and many other sacrifices. At the same time, I've watched her self-esteem suffer. So much of our identity seems to come from "what we do". When my wife is asked what she does, she responds that she is a stay-at-home Mom. From that point on there seems to be very little respect shown toward her. This is a woman with a Doctorate degree in Law!!! Julie is an incredible woman. I know she would never exchange her role as "Mom" for a career as a prestigous attorney, but I also know she wonders what it would have been like. I would love for her to have the opportunity to experience life as an attorney.
Originally posted by arnoldknox: My name is Steve Arnold. My wife, Julie, discovered that we were expecting our first child just days after graduating from law school. She always wanted to raise our children herself, so she decided to waive goodbye to her life's dream of being a respected attorney.
I've watched her selflessly care for our three children - doing everything she could to provide the best home possible for them; wiping dirty butts, cleaning up after them, cooking meals for them when she was too sick to go, carting them to many events, and many other sacrifices. At the same time, I've watched her self-esteem suffer. So much of our identity seems to come from "what we do". When my wife is asked what she does, she responds that she is a stay-at-home Mom. From that point on there seems to be very little respect shown toward her. This is a woman with a Doctorate degree in Law!!! Julie is an incredible woman. I know she would never exchange her role as "Mom" for a career as a prestigous attorney, but I also know she wonders what it would have been like. I would love for her to have the opportunity to experience life as an attorney.
Steve, Your devotion to her is wonderful. And hopefully, she hasn't had to go this route alone (i.e. help from you). Did she sit for the Bar? If so, it's possible she might become an adjunct for a local junior college if they have a program in Legal Administration/Legal Assistant. These are part-time positions that help train parlegals and very often are 1 night/week. Some of the best teachers I had were attorneys who were also at-home moms. They practiced out of their home and generally did domestic/family law. One teacher had just had her baby and would bring him to class. Since I had just had my daughter, we would trade "war stories", and other students, a LOT of them moms too, would offer tips and gave us more moral support than you can ever believe.
I did nearly the same thing, except that I had my own office when our now 12 yr old was born. We live in a really small town and for the first couple of years, I practiced family law. She would go to court with me, stay at my office (at least sometimes) and I closed my office 1 day/week to be with her completely. When she was nearly 3, I quit altogether. I keep my license up, but rarely practice.
Some things that I have been able to do while at home: try to get appointed as a guardian ad litem, some contract title work (we live in a state capitol), wills, family law for friends who know and understand my situation. I consider giving up my license, but it's sort of hard to decide how much of me is wrapped up in still being a lawyer...
How awesome that you're both willing to sacrifice the money and prestige to give your kids a wonderful childhood. Her law degree will still be there when the children aren't. . .
Good luck and many blessings.
P.S. Tell her to tell people she's an attorney, because she is. . .
You need to remind your wife not to allow others to define her worth. You and your children as well should remind her on a regular basis that she is doing a wonderful thing by devoting herself to being sure that her children become the people that she wants them to be. While she could do great things as an attorney. the children are her greatest contribution to society. You and the children are the only people in her life whose opinion of her should matter to her. Only you should help her to define her self worth.
I am an attorney who quit to stay at home with my kids, ages 7, 12 and 14. I rarely tell people that I am an atty in social situations unless it comes up in conversation. I will say that when people find out, they perk up a little and think that maybe what you have to say is important. But you know what? I could give a damn. I know that what I am doing is best for my kids and that is my number one priority. My girls are both straight A students. My little guy is too young for letter grades. My kids know they can call home any time of the day and I will be here for them if they need something. That is so much more important to me than any dream job. I have used my education in many aspects of our day-to-day lives; I do our taxes, I have bought property without the need for an atty, etc. It was not a "waste" to me. It is part of who I am. I understand how our government works probably more than 90% of the population. I wouldn't worry so much about her. A job will just add so much more stress to your lives....and just so she can be able to converse at dinner parties. Not worth it.
you go girl!! I think you are one of the smart attorney,first priority ..are the KIDS ,no matter what!!I have 3 girls myself and I can imaging have my kids been raise and a different way!! when they need me I am always there,they know it!! we are very close and I can tell they are always happy knowing I am there for them . maybe a little old fashion but it work!! BETTER KIDS ,BETTER SOCIATY!!!
It's nice to see a man with such respect and regard for his wife. I also left a rewarding career to stay home with our 18 month old girl and 3 1/2 year old boy. I am fully at peace with my decision, but I am also very grateful to have a husband who supports and encourages me so well.
He makes sure I know that I'm appreciated. It means a lot when he thanks me for dinner, or taking care of the kids, or the laundry. It's hard for me to get excited about folding the same socks again for the gazillionth time. After all, if a mom does her job well looking after the kids and taking care of the house, she's largely invisible. And her work is always quickly undone to only be done again the next day.
It's so nice that you help your wife with the encouragement and recognition that often go by the wayside when a professional mom leaves the workplace to stay home. She is blessed to have you.
