Mike, you once said that, when it came to women, you liked spectacular conversation (just not too much of it).
Yet, my dear late Granny once warned me, "Becca, whatever you do, don't be a clever girl. Or don't show it. The problem with being a clever girl is this: clever girls will always want clever boys, but clever boys only want an audience, and they don't need clever for that."
So, what is a girl to do? Should she sharpen her wits or dull them down?
I realize, of course, that society should be way beyond all of this...
...but I also see students of mine every day--girls as young as 12--who play dumb to get the attention of the boys they like. And it never ceases to amaze me how it works!
In 2008! Was my Granny right all along?
Mike, any thoughts? MB'ers?
Becca(sue)
P.S. Mr. Darcy may have been attracted to Elizabeth for her wits as well as her 'fine eyes', but Jane Austen (who created both characters) never married.
Becca I've also seen women who play dumb in order to get the attention of men. However, I've also seen plenty of women who aren't willing to do so and they're all in happy relationships. Personally, if a guy needs me to hide my intelligence in order to stroke his own ego, then as far as I'm concerned he's just a waste of time and space.
I really like your post, Becca. I've seen girls play stupid to get a guy's attention. I think it stinks. I'm with Linn on this one. If a guy feels threatened by intelligence, he's not worth getting into a relationship with.
It's not just the "dumb" that a female does but the body language. There are other things that we may not be aware of that get another's attention.
Humans are no different that any other animal in that are looking for a mate. Lots of showy feathers, funky dancing, one of them gathers material to build a nest...and then we have nest eggs,
Sue, good observation and indeed a good thing to ponder. Same for those who responded.
Your grandma is only half right! That is to say she is half wrong in her advice to you!
Conventional wisdom indicates one to marry a sensible head than rather over a foolish chatter-head. We all think we know that.
But in the 'excitement', most men seem to loose their bearing, being overcome by the sensuousness, beauty and light hearted chattering that flutter deep in their heart. You might want to take a butterfly as a metaphor for this explanation. Its mesmerizing effect on a man is 'warm' blood flowing, wits is out the window. Who needs that anyway, when you already have enough grey cells? Or so, we think. Maybe, we are 'dumb' ourselves.
But look at history. The ability to make a man feel like a man, very wanted and loved, all that is sweet, sensuous and playful, even made the king to abdicate his throne over a 'love'!!! (The King of England over a socialite & divorcee, Mrs. Simpsons).
While the King of Poo, may seemingly enjoy equally both the poo and 'hotttts', I doubt he will abdicate his throne. Maybe I'm wrong.
That is to say that your grandma is still only half right!
But true, once a while, we need light heartedness and fun. So Sue, don't be so serious all the time, it will drive the men away. I'm already happily married.
All those eligible bachelorettes, pls don't be like Jane Austen. At least not mostly. Otherwise, you will die like a spinster if not a lonesome dow-wager (spelling...)
Maria gal, of course not, a women's role in life is not exclusively to be married and produce. Sorry if it appeared to read that way.
Women were created to be a companion to man, at least by the Bible. If in today's world, such companionship/friendship can be translated into a respectful,loving and lasting relationship, than all the better. Both must contribute and nurture the other.
Being a forever bachelor or bachelorette is OK. It is not a prejudice! Jane would have said "Pride and Prejudice".
To your PS: I have two little darlings and one big grizzly bear, who snores really loud. But here in the Mud Room I'd like to say I am an ole, ole lady - as old as your grandma.
I don't think men want "dumb" women. I think they need to feel that they are needed.I suppose we all have that need. Independence and intelligence are positive and attractive things but if they are shoved down someone's throat they can make someone unattractive very quickly. When I was a little girl,my mother took my little hands in hers and said "There is NOTHING that any man can ever do for you that these two little hands can't do. NOTHING." but then she added..."But you have to be smart enough to know when to keep your mouth shut and give em the 'doe eyes' ". I suppose we women have our ways. Kel
Thanks for your reply. I have to tell you, when I saw your first post I saw red.
I believe that in a relationship each person should give 60%. But as far as marriage, it is not for me. I share my life with a very special man. We are commited to each other in every way and want to spend our life together.
I think this quote fits perfectly about how a lot of women feel here in this tread, i know i do.
I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman. ~Anaïs Nin
Mine too, Maria. My husband knows when I am playing dumb. We have been together too long. Sadly, he also knows when I am REALLY dumb about something. He pats me on the head and says "You're pretty." Smart a$$. Kel
Given Mike's statement that he likes spectacular conversation, not to mention other things stated, I would guess he doesn't prefer dumb. I believe most men prefer smart to dumb. Dumb gets old/boring quickly.
Let's put the shoe on the other foot, too...my husband always says that "nice guys finish last," that women always flock to the men who treat them badly. Hubby even had a roomate who referred to his own strategy for wooing women as "subtle abuse." He would lavish them with attention, then turn a cold shoulder or start a squabble before turning on the charm again. It apparently worked all too well...hubby said at one point this guy had one woman in his bedroom, and another woman was prowling around the apartment windows calling for him. (My husband, a nice guy who is first in my book, could never bring himself to be that much of a snake in order to get a girl, a fact for which I am truly grateful.)
So what gives here, people? Women act dumb to attract men? Men treat women like dirt and have them coming back for more? Granted, that's not how it is with every man and woman, but it seems to be the case often enough to be downright scary!
