in alaska he said with a smile, "up next, i freeze my @$$ off"

I cracked up on that ostich episode right before the commerical: "Ever heard of Murphy's Law?"

I was watching Garbage Pit Technician and i liked "Im allergic to rocks falling on my face" :-)

Mattress Recycler:

"He wants the pin...he wants air...no, three words...sounds like luck."

"It's hard to understand you when you're drowning."

"It's a lot like driving a moped...it's fun till somebody sees ya."

dani v

"not as good as I once was; but I'm as good once as I ever was"

I know it is somebody else's song but it sure sounded good coming out of Mike's mouth.



Bev

"Gloves are for girls"

His entire narrative during the yoga excercises in Hawaii for the window washing... he had me in near tears... gotta love him..

Window Washer:

"I'm not saying this dog is ugly, but he'd make a train take a dirt road." (Poor Splinter)

The Brine Tank Pit:

"To facilitate this particular job, I've been given a proprietary tool...(shows his hand) I've had it for about 43 years."

Dani V

Brine Pit:

"I'm sick of gettin' hurt by safety."

TL

Turtle episode:

(Dr. Stan taking pic of turtle or maybe Mike)
“Why do I feel like this has turned into a vacation and you’re gonna go home and start scrap-booking?”

“Screw metric….we’re in America!”

Dr. Stan: “And the 3ex is…..”
Mike: “Whenever possible.”

(Mike trying to throw fish back in water..and dropping back in boat)
“It serves him right for being covered in snot.”

Dr. Stan: “Have you done your homework?”
Mike: “That’s the great thing about this job, no studying. The dumber I am, the more brilliant you appear. My job is to make you look as intelligent as humanly possible.”


Toilet Recycling episode:

“Oh geez….I dropped my nut.”

“I have, in the middle of the night, sat down when the toilet seat is up and for a half a second it does feel like the world is coming to an end and your falling straight to China.”

(Finding cigarettes in toilet full of poo)
“If you’re gonna crap in an empty bowl, you might as well kill yourself while your doing it.”

Doug: “Keep one foot on the gas and one foot on the brake.”
Mike: “That’s how my grandmother used to drive.”

Dani V

One of my favorites so far was in the Hawaiian window washer.

That guy was like, "Any last words?" and Mike wsa just like, "No season five.".

I just started laughing thinking, "Wow, obviously he has no faith in himself for this job."

Camel Farmer:

Reading the temp...
"When it's done, it's done...substantial penalty for early withdraw..."

"You're selling the camels pretty hard...we drink their milk, eat their poo, and bathe in their slobber...what's weird??"

(Mike sitting on the back end of the camel)
"If you're just tuning in...it's not what it looks like."

"It's all good...I got my D!ckies on."

(after the camel was finished peeing...finally)
"Dave, give that thing a shake would ya...help a brother out."

(after racing on the camel)
"Oh! A lot of pain again...man I'd give a lllot of money for some stirrups!"

Dani V

My favorite is when he's sleeping in the little sheep camp and he says something like, "You know, if I lay very still, and bend like this, I can pee out this little window!"

Window-washer guy to Mike: "You're dryin' up there, Mike."

Mike: "I know. But on a more positive note, I don't care."

It was the show where Mike was catching baloney or sausages and at the very end, during the credits, he looks up and then looks at the camera and says something like

"It's a little unnerving to look up and see 'Medium Jim and The Twins' in the camera guy's shorts..."

I still laugh to myself whenever I remember that!

My favorite is "Well now hold on Sparky!!!"

I LOVE the meat monologue in the bologna factory

"Just hangin out and there's MEAT"
"My favorite thing that rhymes w/ seat..MEAT"
"If only I had some MEAT"
"You and I should MEAT"
"My favorite treat...MEAT"
"My kingdom for a tube of MEAT"

I love anything Mike says he is just soo funny..But one of my favorite lines is when he visited the Dairy Farm in Indiana was " It's a known Fact Cows find me fascinating" or " I wish I had a nickle for everything that happened to me" He is a dirty boy!

I loved the comment:
'If you're just tuning in....it's not what it looks like.' from the camel episode. We are still laughing about that one.

Electronic Recycling:

"You'll find I ask a lot of pointless, irrelevant questions. When you hear one...ignore it."

"Where'd that thing go with the thing on the end of the thing?"

"We're not here to answer questions, to solve the worlds problems, or to learn anything...we're just here to tear some sh*t apart."

"This process is not just long, it's mind numbing, tedious and ultimately self defeating."

Tofu:

(talking about Paul's missing finger)
"You can only flip somebody off half way now."

"That's how you really shut me up. I complain about a broken fingernail and he goes (shows finger)...and just like that, I'm an idiot."

"So this is where you make it possible for the soy beans not to make your customers f@rt uncontrollably."

"Yeah, that's hot. It's especially hot...IN AN OPEN WOUND!!!!"

"Where's that crazy spanker?" (referring to the stirrer)

A lot of good ones tonight.

Dani V