Hello everyone I have a few questions to ask to all SAHMs and also working moms.

I've been looking through the boards, especially the one called "This is disgusting". I've noticed that whenever someone brings up the question of why the mom has to be the one to stay at home and not the dad, none of the SAHMs really answer. This got me thinking.

For you SAHMs, what if your husband wanted to be the one to stay at home, not suddenly, but from the very start out of choice not neccesity; what would you do? When you decided to stay at home, did you REALLY WANT to or was it more like societal expectations that between you and your husband, you had to be the one to stay at home with the kids? Do you think SAHDs are just as good as SAHMs?

When I look through the boards, some of you always critize Moms who want to have a career instead of staying at home. But when someone takes notice that none of you critizes the men for wanting a career and not giving that up, I don't see much responses. I just want to know what you guys think. And I'm not trying to offend any SAHDs on this board, not at all . I just want to further understand this whole Mom vs. Mom issue. Personally, I don't believe that one type of Mom is better than the other. In the end, Moms have to do what makes them happy. I would rather have a Mom who's happy and who works, than a Mom who stays at home and isn't as happy, even depressed (Desperate Housewives, the Mom with cancer. I know it's a tv show, but anyway). Speaking of depressed, what about postpartum depression and psychosis of SAHMs. Many scientists say that for those women, spending time outside the home is best (which might include working) among other things. What do you think?

Honestly, this whole "Mommy Wars" (I hate using that phrase) thing reminds me of highschool, where girls critize and insult each other because of their own insecurities and for some form of validation. You can think of it as women's way of competition.

OK enough rambling....ENOUGH I shall commence the stepping off of the soapbox now

OH and some background information: I'm a 24 year old woman and single. My Mom was a working Mom out of necessity and went back to work when I was 6 months (think that went for my two other sisters too). She works as a Librarian. We would spend the day with my Grandma until she or my Dad got off from work (Dad works at the naval shipyard), although we spend time at daycare at some point of lives.

Hi there. I've never posted here before, but I thought now would be as good a time as any. For my family, I am the one who wants to stay at home and my husband does not have the patience or desire to. If I was the one who wanted to work and he was the one who wanted to stay home, that'd be fine with me. I love seeing stay at home dads and I think they do just as good a job as a mother. I also agree with you that I think it is better for someone that has no desire to be at home to work rather than being resentful of the children. I have always wanted to be a stay at home mother and because it's so great for me it's hard to understand the flip side. I would also assume that would apply to the working mother or father. They love working so much, or feel that it's best for their family, they may not understand why someone would choose not to work. I try not to judge. What works for one family doesn't have to work for another. I think I'm getting off topic though. I think you were asking about men working or staying at home. I do ask my husband sometimes if he feels like he misses out on the kids lives, especially when he hasn't seen them for 3 days because of long hours. He says he doesn't even think about it really. I don't think this means he loves them any less than me. He just does what he has to for the family and I do what I have to. I hope this all makes sense. :-)

well one do you have kids ... cus im tellin you your opinion changes once your in the shoes ..lol


i always thought i would be a career mom i never thought i would take care of some one all day and give up so much when my oldest was born i went back to work after 2 wks old not a wise choice .. my company down sized and i decided to take advantage and stay at home and plan our wedding ... we had started then postponed it cus we didnt want ppl to think we were only gettin married for one reason .. then after a year of revampin our life style we planned for baby 2 when baby 2 was 2 i worked 2 days a wk for fun i loved it but it wasnt practical with gas never bein cheap and all -lol

my personal opinion .. i like to think im a better stay at hommer then my hubby i like to think i can give my kids more and that no one can come close to what i do .. but i know thats not true

if i was to make the same mula as my hubby and he had the patience that would be great but most dads are too structured and not as craft .. no offense dads and i only said most .. so i like to think i do a great job i know my hubby is a gr8 dad but thats cus he does it par time

my mom became a career mom when i was about 10 at 11 my dad was hurt and was a at home dad
it was hell -lol

every day we came home had a snack together did our home work had to get help from the neighbor lady cus my dad had no clue then we had a bbq bureger ... baked beans and mash potatoes for dinner and then for famiy time we played darts -- pool or built somethin in the garage or raced something

then any girly period boy troubles i had to tell em to dad
if i was on the ph too long guess who was there dad

now i love my daddy to death always have always will
and i am a daddys girl but i became a very dominant tom boy .. this is why i think a kid needs both parents actively in their life ..

and i think it molded me a lil to jocky
i mean i was great at sports ... had scouts lookin at me til my injury ... thanks to my dad .. got the only all a 's for a girl in shop class and architecture and all that

but i didnt get that creative nurturing side

i would never tell my mom how i felt because my mom has a great career now that benefits her

so i know she had to do it
and a mom needs to put herself first

because shes a person herself not just a mom


but i wish things would of happened at different times ..


i think none of us should judge who says what and when or why

we all have a family and we al have to do what is righ for that family at that time with our spouses decision

in the area were in ...


when i hear workin moms tell me oh god why do you stay at home i couldnt stay at home with my kids it would annoy me

i do cringe

i think of it as a put down to me and i feel bad for their child ..

why have kids if you dont plan on tryin
do you have to be perfect ..no ..

but you should try to have patience
you should wnat to be around your kid

i unfortunately think their are too many selfish moms .. most are young
i was a young mom .. still am .. compared to wahts around me ..

but i think too many moms think its gunna be easy and when its not throw in the towel ...


i think too many care about what others think


i dont care what others think of my mommy style

my goal is to have my kids be gentle men .. caring .. and yet still tough and creative .. healthy .. polite .. know whats right from wrong .. know to think out what they are about to and be able to stand on their own feet .. and so far i think were doin good...


but i dont think its right for anyone to judge ... i do wish families had more stay at home moms i do think it would put daycares out of biz ness but i do think children benefit from a parent at home ... learning and other wise ... their life isnt so run around chaotic .. but financialy its not possible... and if it makes a mom un happy to be at home then that doesnt help the family ... however i do think it you are completely un happy to be with your family some professional help may be needed .. you should want to be around your loved ones ... god knows we all need a break .. my mom is taken my kiddos in a few hours and im so excited to get some adult time in .. i will miss them and will want them back 2 min after i give em up but i wont take em ..lol

i will enjoy my time and see em when they return ..


but renee i do think you have a good point about the arguin bein childish or judgin ...

but by askin the orig ???? arent you stirrin more up a lil ...lol



i think as long as the parents work together to do whats best for their family they are doin a great job and you cant ask for more then that ...


your home should have love and happiness in it no matter how you get it ....