so, katesmom, you're saying that at 5 your children had learned all the values they needed from you and at that age, they were no longer going to be influenced by the other adults they interacted with? i understand how impressionable children are during those formative years but your reply doesn't really make it clear to me why at that point, at the age of 5, it is suddenly acceptable to send your kids "to be raised by strangers" as some of the SAHMs have said is what us working moms do when we send our infants and toddlers to daycare. anyone else wanna try to explain the rationale behind this thinking??
This meesage is in respone to taraj's comment. Why not allow the mom to work if it is something that she truly enjoys and is good at? If they don't need the income why not save it for their children to go to college? She shouldn't have to stop being herself because she became a mother. You may think she is selfish but I think that you are giving up your identity by not doing at least some things that you truly enjoy.
Originally posted by mommymcgun: i've read through a few of the posts on this topic and had to stop, i don't have to stomach to read much more annimosity.
seriously? why the rage for working moms? as a SAHM myself i don't understand why other mothers feel they are better judges of my situation than i am. the decision to stay at home is one made by both my husband and myself; as it should be. but when my boys are a little older we have no problem putting them in daycare so i can return to work. i wouldn't be giving up on them anymore than i've given up on myself by staying home.
believe it or not, daycare is not the root of all evil. staying with me when my boys are little is great for their early development, but i can't provide them with all the tools that they'll need in life. they will need socialization, communication, and compromising skills that they can only learn from being with their peers.
i have a feeling that my kids will better adjust to daycare than i will to the working world.
no I'm not saying they have learned everything. I'm saying that what they have learned is from "me", so they know "me" and what my values are. I think alot of people underestimate kids.
I became pregnant in college and dropped out to get married and raise my son. I wound up spending 6 years in an abusive marriage. I finally left, but had no college degree and no real marketable skills. I pulled myself up by the bootstraps, got a great job, got off welfare, bought my own house and graduated with a degree in law last spring.
Some women I know, particularly those that are younger than me, are really inspired by what I've accomplished. Other women spit in my face for it - because I chose to use the skills God gave me and provide for myself AND my children. How lovely. Did it ever dawn on you that some women make the choice to have a career in part FOR their children? My kids have a normal middle-class life now as opposed to the dire circumstances we were in before.
The first couple of posts in this thread were going on and on about what is wrong with society? Well, as you can see simply by reading this thread, the problem with society is bigotry. I think what some people in this society need to do is learn that not everyone is just like you. That idea is grossly immature and flat out crazy. What's right for you is not necessarily right for the next person. We all have something different and wonderful to contribute. Some of us want to be stay-at-home moms. Great! Others of us have a different set of skills that are best utilized in the workforce. Also great. The important thing is that we even have that choice, and I think the premise of this show is CELEBRATING THE CHOICE.
In many parts of the world women are still property - a mere thing, an object - rather than a human being with hopes, dreams, CHOICES. The mentality that women were put on this earth to only do one thing - reproduce - is totally archaic thinking.
Maybe you want to be a stay-at-home mom, but relish in the CHOICE that is yours to make. I made the choice to be a legal professional - a highly demanding occupation that often requires time away from my kids. I made this choice not because I had to, necessarily, but because it's what I WANTED to do. And, whether you like it or not, I'm damn proud of what I've accomplished. I'm not going to allow some stranger's ignorant thinking get me down or make me feel like less of a person because I did what was right for me AND my family.
Some of these posts are appalling and the posters should be embarrassed. Foaming at the mouth like a raging lunatic because you don't like the choice another has made doesn't make you right. In fact, I dare say, you're jealous, because women like me are the bosses of our own lives. I don't have to rely on a man to take care of me and my kids. Maybe you secretly wish you had that sense of identity and freedom, too? There's simply no other reason for you to put down another woman whose lifestyle is different from yours other than pure jealousy. If you're happy with the choice you made, then there's no reason for you run around attacking women because they're....smart and successful? Really, how foolish.
My children attended daycare all of their young lives. Now they're 10 and 8 and the most adaptable and well-adjusted children ever. Moms who work should not have to be made to feel guilty for putting their kids in daycare. In fact, I think it was a splendid opportunity for my kids. Key to your child's development into a well-adjusted adult is learning that the only real constant in life is that it changes.
My mother had a career when I was a child. And I am proud to follow in her footsteps. She is strong, intelligent, independent, and she inspires me every day. It was a choice she made, and I'm glad she did what makes her most happy. My sister is a stay-at-home mom to my 4-year-old nephew and nothing gives her more joy. Kudos to TLC for celebrating the diversity of all of the amazing contributions women can make!
I totally agree with cjrobinett and snolan!! SAHM's need to back off! Obviously they have waaay too much free time in their day to get so heated up about this show.
taraj, I am a 4th generation working mom. And whatever CHOICE my daughter, who's 18 and college bound, makes, I will stand behind her 1000%. Who made YOU to look down your nose at those of us who either choose or have to work? Honey, you seriously need to get a life outside of your kids. Maybe then, you'll understand the reality of today. Ozzie and Harriett never existed, nor did June Cleaver. I work to help support my family. I don't sponge off my husband and I have taught my daughter that independence is absolutely NECESSARY. Prehaps if you bothered to REALLY come down off that pedistal you're put yourself up on and see the REAL WORLD, you might just learn something. Most women don't have a choice. We HAVE TO WORK. And guess what? Even if I didn't have to, I'd still work!!
This message has been edited. Last edited by: kim g,
I also agree strongly with Mara. My sister and I grew up 'latchkey' kids because both parents worked and provided a wonderful and well traveled life. Thanks to an independent childhood I own my own boutique with plans to open more locations and my sister is a doctor finishing her first year of residency. We are also happily married with plans of being working moms. How selfish of us to be strong role models for our children, right? The ignorant SAHM's couldn't be more wrong.
I am privileged enough to be able to work 2 days a week and would not trade that situation for the world. I have loads of time to be with my son and still able to be out in the work force and keep my career. My husband and I agreed this was the best arrangement for us when I was still pregnant and as of yet, 1 1/2 years later, it still fits. We are both aware that this may not be a 'forever' solution for us. If we have more children we might decide that I stay home all the time. If he loses his job, which we all know is always a possibility with today's economy, I can pick my career back up and he stays home or maybe works part time.
I found some of the postings very callus, no one knows what the future holds, so don't automatically assume that your life will be able to stay just as it is forever, things can change, or maybe even have to change, we all just need to be happy with what we have for now and be happy for others if they are happy as well. I was most shocked by the "if you don't want to stay home with the children, don't have them" I pray for you that nothing ever happens to your husband and his income is gone. I can not imagine that SAHM's would be so nasty if their sister's were working mothers (at least not to their faces) and vice versa.
My husband works with military defense and I am a surgeon, currently just assisting other surgeons. I do know other surgeons that look down on my decision because of the time it takes to obtain our specialty, but I also know other, both males and females, who wish they had made the same decision we have.
Originally posted by classieladie: I am not surprised by all of the negative comments. I am a widow with young children and I am not even 30 yet. I get these negative attitudes all of the time from the women in my community (most are SAHMs) which is unfair. It is not possible for every woman to stay home. stop being so mean. Some of us have to work so stop turning your noses up at us everytime we pick our children up from school or try and volunteer for things its not right. Also, there are so many SAHMs I know that send their children to daycare. What about them? Stop getting upset because you chose some other path.
I can't believe how irritated so many people get by this show and this forum.
Each person has to decide how their lives with children operate. Whether they have to work or not, many women have dreams that DO NOT involve their children or their husbands....let that sink in a moment....we are individuals beyond family.
Now, I work because I have to work. I have a two year old. The only day care option I have found for me is to drive my child to her grandparents while I work long days. What makes it hard is that I have to drive 45 minutes each direction TWICE a day.
So in all my free time, I've started a business from home in the hopes of being able to stay home with my sweetie, and hope to have another. So with my 9 or 10 hour work day, 3 hour drive per day, and working a whole other job from home, do all you SAHMs feel that I'm letting her down? BTW, my husband works 90 hour weeks, so I handle everything on the homefront.
I'm not writing this to generate sympathy from anyone, but to illustrate that when anyone has a goal in mind they can accomplish it. And even when they are busy with other aspects of their lives, they will NEVER leave their children wanting.
[QUOTE]Originally posted by ony34: I would just like to see some kind of update after the show,
I would, too. I bet the ones with family support are just fine. I think most mom's weigh out what stage their kids are in, the support of their spouse, and extended family or care, before they make the decision. Just cause a mom decides to live a dream, doesn't mean she still isn't putting her kids first!
[QUOTE]Originally posted by taraj: I will never turn this show on again. We're supposed to be excited about a mom being taken away from her 3 young girls so she can be a fashion designer? How selfish.
You sound so up-tight and judgmental. Did you see the girl's excitement and the husband's support? What makes you think Dad isn't taking care of them. How selfish of you to belittle a father's role in a child's life!
Yes, this show is so wrong. Stay at home moms have the most important job in the world. Why do people have kids if they don't intend to raise them. Putting them in day care or with a nanny for 9-10 hrs. a day is not raising them. Mom's that work full time see their kids a few hrs. at night and on the weekends. It's so sad, they miss out on so much with their kids. Not only that, but more importantly the kids miss out on having their mom around raising them and giving them lots of love and direction in life. It's bad enough that stay at home moms now are criticized to just being a mom (as if that wasn't work enough) now, the ones that have the courage to stay home and actually raise their kids are having someone come into their home and pull them out of it. It's truly appalling and truly makes me so disappointed in our society. Why is there no more pride and respect in just being a mom. The only job that we were truly made for. It's so sad. I feel so bad for these little kids that are now loosing their mom so she can live her dream. (obviously her dream wasn't to raise her babies) Kids are very smart, they realize that their mom is choosing something else over them, how would that make you feel? Pretty unimportant. It's an awful show, I am sick of seeing this show glorified as giving something back to the moms who lost something when then had kids. (I guess they forgot to mention all that you gain by being a mommy- which by the way is a full-time 24 hr. job) It shouldn't be a nights and weekends only. This is so so sad!
Originally posted by jana3jon: Yes, this show is so wrong. Stay at home moms have the most important job in the world. Why do people have kids if they don't intend to raise them. Putting them in day care or with a nanny for 9-10 hrs. a day is not raising them. Mom's that work full time see their kids a few hrs. at night and on the weekends. It's so sad, they miss out on so much with their kids. Not only that, but more importantly the kids miss out on having their mom around raising them and giving them lots of love and direction in life. It's bad enough that stay at home moms now are criticized to just being a mom (as if that wasn't work enough) now, the ones that have the courage to stay home and actually raise their kids are having someone come into their home and pull them out of it. It's truly appalling and truly makes me so disappointed in our society. Why is there no more pride and respect in just being a mom. The only job that we were truly made for. It's so sad. I feel so bad for these little kids that are now loosing their mom so she can live her dream. (obviously her dream wasn't to raise her babies) Kids are very smart, they realize that their mom is choosing something else over them, how would that make you feel? Pretty unimportant. It's an awful show, I am sick of seeing this show glorified as giving something back to the moms who lost something when then had kids. (I guess they forgot to mention all that you gain by being a mommy- which by the way is a full-time 24 hr. job) It shouldn't be a nights and weekends only. This is so so sad!
Uh, 1 question. Why should it be mom who stays home?
Oh, and BTW, since you're assuming in your answer that dad's in the picture, should it not be HIS duty and obligation as well to be on call 24/7/365 with the kids?
Last I looked, it took the DNA from 2 to make that child, so why should mom have to bear all the responsiblity when dad is just as responsible for that child being in this world?
We do not live in the 19th Century anymore. I have worked since my daughter was 3 months old. My mother worked since I was 6 months old. Both my grandmothers worked, as did their mothers. Now, I'm teaching my daughter responsiblity and independence, and that she should expect respect and equality from any MAN she chooses to marry. If they can't treat her as an equal, then she has no use for them. And guess what? She's learned it well. Not one guy yet has treated her any other way but as an equal.
Yes, being a mother is hard work. No one has EVER disputed that. However, a mother is also a human being, she is her own person, with her own mind and FREE WILL. No woman should EVER have to give up her own identity for another person, be they her children or her husband. To do so makes her a non-person and no more than a servant.
I work and would work even if I didn't have to. I'm proud of my work and my profession and I'm proud that I'm a mother as well. My daughter had a very good daycare with teachers who cared and taught her things I couldn't. I'm proud of that and would do it again in a heartbeat.
