This is one great debate that will never be settled. The fact that there is a show to offer the flip side of a coin is purely out and out evil to some people. Apparently everyone here is completely content with their own lives and feel the uncontrollable need to spew their self-righteous opinion on what exactly everyone else needs in order to make them and their families happy.

Seems as if you work you are lambasted if you stay at home you are lambasted. I have an idea - why don't you just don't what you feel is right for yourself AND your family. Whatever that is will well be decided by the family and no one else. It is unbelievable that people feel that they still have to defend whatever decision they make to anyone.

Sure is a good thing this is a free country or a lot of us would be really miserable.

quote:

you people use your kids as excuses to be lazy .

EXCUSE ME! Lazy! Obviously you have never been a SAHM. MY life is anything but watching soaps, and eating bon bons--how very ignorant. I have never been so busy or fulfilled in my entire life.

Could not agree with you more, luvmy2! For anyone who thinks taking care of your own children is watching TV all day and eating bon bons then that must be what childcare workers do all day too, right! Give me a break! We don't watch TV at all during the day at our house, as I refuse to use the TV as a babysitter, and prefer spending quality time with my children.

A good website - http://www.daycaresdontcare.org/

sorry, but it's true

I love the show!!! To all you haters!!! Don't watch it!!! Just because a woman chooses a different life path than the one you have chosen, does not make her a bad mother. To each his/her own, mind your business...keep it up girls!!!

quote:

Originally posted by lovetobehome:
Could not agree with you more, luvmy2! For anyone who thinks taking care of your own children is watching TV all day and eating bon bons then that must be what childcare workers do all day too, right! Give me a break! We don't watch TV at all during the day at our house, as I refuse to use the TV as a babysitter, and prefer spending quality time with my children.

A good website - http://www.daycaresdontcare.org/

sorry, but it's true

No, it is not "true." There are good day care providers and bad day care providers, just like there are good and bad parents, good and bad teachers, good and bad doctors, etc., etc.

Forgive me if I can't take a web site seriously that compares children in day care to termites.

I agree with you, I'm sure there are good day care providers. They still wouldn't love my children like I do, and I would have no way of really knowing for sure as I wouldn't be there all day, every day to see for myself. I was a nanny during my summers in college, and I was the one the kids called "Mommy" all day, I was the one the kids wanted to be with. I really thought I loved those kids, but as I've heard many people say before, I didn't know what real love for a child was until I had my own. It's undescribable. My heart aches for those mothers who desperately want to raise their own children, but can't, due to financial circumstances. It is a struggle for us from time to time, but we have learned to live with less material things to do what we feel is best for our family, and have never been happier.
And forgive me- but it does not compare children in daycare to termites, it's talking about our species as a whole. You might want to reread it
http://www.daycaresdontcare.org/History/History.htm

Reply if you want, I won't be coming back here. This is a topic that will never be resolved, and I have children to go take care of.

It was so sad at the end of the show when Aidan said, "Can you believe I dressed Jennifer Hudson?!?"

All I could think was, "And who dressed your kids this morning?"

I'm single a mom who works outside the home. I would love to be a SAHM, to have the opportunity that woman has to see my child grow up, to be there every day. Instead, I have to leave her with Grandma and go out and work.

It doesn't matter if it's your dream job or a hell job, it's time away from your child. That's time you'll never get back.

Jennifer Hudson can always find another designer. And she will. Those kids will NEVER have another mom.

I actually cried when she accepted the job. How could she? And her husband went along with it.

I can only hope that the moms they feature in future shows will make better decisions than this one did.

Now unlike many of you who think that it is selfish and disgusting, i take my hat off to them. I also have 2 children. I am also a stay at home mom. But i don't see it selfish for any mom to be given the chance to see what it would be like to live her dream outside of her family. I totally recent the comment about them not needing the money. It's not about the money, it's about her. And yes it is OK for a mom to take time for her. Some of you may have had NO dreams before motherhood and your family, but there were a lot of us who did. We gave them up for our families. I for one would jump at the opportunity to beable to live out my dream of an Archaeologist. I would love it. In fact i would be going to school for it now, but where i live there is NO college or university that has it. Maybe i am selfish in your eyes, but who are you to say that. I think that you are being selfish and unfair to yourselves to thinking that it's not OK for you to think of what makes you happy outside of your family and your home.

All I want to say is "having it all" is a big fat lie. Any woman who thinks that "having it all" means working full time and leaving their children in daycare is fooling herself. This show is pathetic. I have been a SAHM x 9 years, and I can tell you that "having it all" means being home with your kids, caring for them, giving them a loving (non-chaotic) home, and being a loving wife to your husband. You can't do that and work full time,I PROMISE you. If you think you can have it all and work full time, please get a pet instead of having children.

quote:

Originally posted by taraj:
Are you joking??? Is your entire life just your job? If so, that is very sad. What will you do if you become disabled and can't ever work again? I have many hobbies and I volunteer in many different capacities. Those are things I will be able to do forever. The difference between a SAHM and a working mom is that SAHM's put their kids' needs above their own, not a concept that feminists teach. One can always get a job. In contrast, one will never be able to get back the years they lost while working instead of raising their kids. By the way, how do you know your mom only occasionally had sex?

I disagree with one statment you made, that one can always get a job. That's not true. Work is much easier for a woman to get when she's young. The workforce is harsh on females who arent in their twenties, so its best to get work experience when one is young. So, how about we women allow eachother to conduct ourselves the way we want, instead of being very harsh and rude to each other about our opinions. We women have to support eachother...

To Squeakers02:

Definition of selfish pursuant to Dictionary.com: devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.

The only reason a woman should work outside the home when she has babies is to make money to support the family. If there is enough money and a woman still works outside the home, that falls under the definition of selfish. That is a fact, not my opinion. Mom is putting her needs above those of her defenseless, voiceless child. I feel very sorry for those woman who are not fulfilled by raising their babies. Sure it gets boring, but I put my needs on the backburner for now. Sure, I would have loved to be a power attorney but that all changed when I held my first child. T

quote:

Originally posted by taraj:
To Squeakers02:

Definition of selfish pursuant to Dictionary.com: devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.

The only reason a woman should work outside the home when she has babies is to make money to support the family. If there is enough money and a woman still works outside the home, that falls under the definition of selfish. That is a fact, not my opinion. Mom is putting her needs above those of her defenseless, voiceless child. I feel very sorry for those woman who are not fulfilled by raising their babies. Sure it gets boring, but I put my needs on the backburner for now. Sure, I would have loved to be a power attorney but that all changed when I held my first child. T

No, it is not "fact." It is your opinion. Apparently they didn't teach you the difference between the two in law school. I haven't heard you call men who work outside the home "selfish." You are defining working women as "primarily" concerned with their own interests and devoted to themselves based on your arcane notion of a woman's role. Dictionary.com does not differentiate between what constitutes selfishness in women and what constitutes selfishness in men. That's where your opinion comes into play.

If you truly want to be home with your children, it's not, by definition, a selfless act because you benefit from it. If this board is any example, in addition to spending weekdays with your kids you get to feel mighty good about yourself and berate others who make different choices from you.

All of these posts talking about how women who work outside the home are not raising their children defy logic. I guess that means that every working father is not "raising his children," right? Do you deny your husbands the right to discipline the kids since they are not "raising" them? Also, should I assume that none of you send your children to school? (I realize that home schooling is very popular among the adamant SAHM crowd.) If you do, why are you willing to give up "raising your children" when they enter kindergarten? If a daycare provider is "raising your children" then so is a teacher. I'm pretty sure that child-rearing does not end at age 5.

I too was sickened by watching this show. In fact, I could not watch the end where she had to make the choice of leaving her family. It makes me so mad that a woman who has already made that very difficult decision to stay home with her children has put herself in the position to have to make it again. What a horrible show, it really shows what is wrong with our "entertainment" and also with our country. I fully agree with dramamom's comments and several others in this posting and was glad to see that I was not alone in my thinking about this show and they way it made me feel. I am disappointed with TLC for coming up with this idea.

I am astounded at how critical and vicious women can be to each other. This debate will never be settled, however, I think a greater amount of tolerance must be exercised in these sort of discussions.
Personally, I admire SAHM's. Raising children is certainly a full time occupation that requires a lot of patience, dedication and love. The work they do is absolutely tremendous and extremely noble.
However, I also know that there are many women who are just as dedicated and love their children just as much, who choose to work outside the home. Some women are simply not wired to be stay at home moms. This should not necessarily be critisized as selfishness. Just because you become a mother does not mean you lose your ambition to have a career, to follow your dreams or to have a larger impact on the world outside of your home. Both paths are noble and not one is better than the other. They are personal choices that have to be made by the woman and her family. Saying that there is no excuse for a woman to work outside the home if the family is adequately supported by one income is demeaning, limits her freedom of choice and propels society back to the 50's. Let's move into the 21st century and remember that not all women fit into perfect, cookie-cutter, gender roles.

HUH??? I just came on to chat about the show but ran into this heated debate. (I thought hte couple was so quirky and funny!) Anyway YIKES!
I was a working mom but now I currently stay home. I love(d) doing both! I never cared and will never care what the general opinion is on how I raise my kids. I think that's where a lot of people go wrong. My older daughter did great in a caretaker setting as she is very social and independent. She used to be upset when I picked her up! But my little one... well not so much!! LOL. Hence me staying home right now. I really think you have to consider what your children can and can't handle and that's different for everyone.

And I think the mom's happiness plays a big part in whether or not she is a "good" mom... There have to be some parameters of course but I find it odd that there would be such a sense of wrong or right. Luckily my husband feels the same and has been supportive of my decisions. Another thing to consider when making such decisions.

I'm definitely going to keep watching the show. Sure parts of it are uncomfortable but I enjoy watching the women take on what they thought they were missing! Also, I am betting that some of the moms will choose to stay home and/or they'll be GLAD they didn't follow their original paths. It will be cool to see the different decisions.