Secret Life of a Soccer Mom
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quote: From what I've seen growing up, the life of a SAHM isn't alot more than eat,sleep,cook,clean,occasionally have sex. SAHMS have to ask themselves what they will do when their children are out of the house, and when their husband eventually dies. I don't just mean financially, I mean with themselves. Family life eventually goes away, and then where will the SAHMS be? Their worlds will be gone. Besides, In my inexperianced opinion, I would have alot more to give my children if my life isn't only home. And when they go away, which they will, it won't hurt as much. Don't any of the SAHMS feel that they've put all their emotional eggs in one basket? Maybe it's not our right to judge Adrians decision to return to work. Maybe this is a personal decision that we have no right to even have an opinion. This isn't black/white...
First of all, you have not had kids so under normal circumstances - I'd dismiss your opinion. Why? Because you have no idea until you hold that tiny bundle of joy in your arms how you want the days that follow to progress. I probably could've written your post 2.5 years ago before I had a child. There is much more to SAH than cooking, cleaning and changing diapers. I consider myself my children's first teacher - a private guide to life, to our community, to friendships, etc. We talk all day long, play games, go for walks, visit friends, go to museums, zoo, parks, wherever we feel like. I worked for roughly 14 years in broadcast journalism and never once regret quitting when I had my children. When I sit on our front steps blowing bubbles at 5pm, I don't 'regret' not doing a live shot at a murder scene in a crappy neighborhood. However, I don't live in a 'baby' vacuum. I have friends, I'm involved in community events, I work some freelance jobs - but the majority of my life is my children right now. I supposed when my children are grown or my husband dies (as stated above) I'll fall back on the hobbies and others things that have fulfilled my life both as a single person and as a SAHM. Working full-time is no guarantee of a 'life'. Ask me how many of the co-workers I still talk with regularly who I worked with for 10-plus years? Fewer than five. Nevermind most of the people I worked with were unhappy much of the time. The reality is work friends are merely acquaintances, people bonded with you at that particular moment in your life. The argument "I want adult conversation". Guess what my former work day conversations revolved around? Co-workers kids and their lives, at the time - my dating life, people bitching about work. It really was not much more 'deep and introspective' than my 2.5 year o ld who asks me super-intelligent questions all the time. As far as this show is concerned, the SAHMs seem a bit pathetic to me in that they seemed to have developed who they were as women WITHOUT working. I think the ones who choose 'career' on the show are naive that that will 'complete' them. I think one has to complete themself and then make a choice. I don't really care if women work or SAH. I feel badly for working moms who will never fully know the 'moments' they are missing - but I have enough working mom friends who have great kids to think there can't be a balance. I just prefer to do one at a time - career, kids, career. (And to those who think you can't go back? You can...if you keep your mind, your looks and your skills up. ) |
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by CollegeMom:
ISo are you ladies who think this is an outrage saying that when you get married to a rich man and you don't need a second income to survive, that you should just toss all your hopes and dreams aside?
Who says you have to stay home the rest of your life? Get a job when your kid is in school. For all of you who say "my kids loves daycare." Why don't you ask your kid if he would rather stay home and play with mommy or go to daycare. If your child says "daycare," then there is something seriously wrong. Nobody says you have to have kids either.
To Its2008-I cannot believe you disagree with my statement that it's best for a baby to be with his mom.
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I think staying at home with children is very rewarding, but very hard. There are so many women who try to juggle everything... even when they don't have to, and it is kind of sad that this show is encouraging and tempting sahm's to go outside of the home instead of taking care of their families. I also don't agree that sahm's are better mothers, but you have to admit that even the best mother is not very effective if she only sees her kids for a couple of hours a day... they (our children) need to know that they are our number one priority and that no matter what we will be there to support them and help them, and before we know it they will be all grown up and anything we need to do to further fulfill our lives will be waiting for us. This is the joy of being a mother and selflessly giving our time, talents, and devotion to our families. Our children did not choose to be born into our families... we chose to have them, and I think that choice comes with the responsibility of raising them... even if there are other wonderful, capable people who could do it... no one is better than their (loving) mom.
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quote: Originally posted by taraj:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by CollegeMom:
ISo are you ladies who think this is an outrage saying that when you get married to a rich man and you don't need a second income to survive, that you should just toss all your hopes and dreams aside?
Who says you have to stay home the rest of your life? Get a job when your kid is in school. For all of you who say "my kids loves daycare." Why don't you ask your kid if he would rather stay home and play with mommy or go to daycare. If your child says "daycare," then there is something seriously wrong. Nobody says you have to have kids either.
To Its2008-I cannot believe you disagree with my statement that it's best for a baby to be with his mom.
You act like every SAHM is parent of the year, get a grip! I was a SAHM, and I know a lot of excellent SAHM's. But I also know a lot of SAHM's that are terrible parents, are lazy, and got married and pregnant so they would never have to get a job. Not all Mom's are meant to be Mom's and staying home with your children because you can, does not automatically make someone a good Mom. Just because a Mom chooses to work does not automatically her an awful person either. |
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I loved this show. How awesome it must be for someone to come and give you a chance at having your dreams? I would love to do this show. I think that what so many people are missing here is the point that these women want to do something more with their life. When I became a SAHM four years ago I never dreamed it would be forever. I never wanted it to be forever. I am still me if I have children or not. Deciding to act on your dreams while being mom is not a bad thing. It teaches your children dedication and work ethic. And daycare is wonderfully amazing for children's social skills. I think that many of you are talking about things you just don't understand. For those of you who enjoy being a SAHM then good for you. Those of you like me that feel like there is a chunk of us missing because of it, then fight for your dreams.
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Shame on you TLC. I have watched and loved your programming for years. How this show got on your network is beyond me. Since when is it not good enough to be a wonderful mother to your children? Why are you celebrating taking mothers away and sending children off to daycare? What is wrong with you? Who says this woman can't be a fashion designer 5 to 10 years ago. How dare you make these women question themselves and their self-worth. What are you saying to her children...that getting a job in the fashion industry makes her a better person than "just" being their mom. TLC...you need to do something to make this right or you are going to loose alot of viewers.
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I am disgusted by this show and I am very disappointed in TLC. This show goes against everything this channel stands for. I worked in Day Care for 6 years and I watched parents leave their children from 6:30 am to 7:00 pm so that they could fulfill their "dreams" and "careers". They would then spend 1 hour with them and then send them to bed because they were so tired from working. It is disgusting. These children knew their teachers better than they knew their parents. If they wanted so badly to be "known for their career" then they should not have had children. Women who stay home with their children should be rewarded. It is a blessing to watch your child grow up. And the risk of abuse in day care is enough to make any woman want to stay home to raise their child. This show is making women second guess their decision to raise their children themselves and put their children FIRST. Something we rarely see anymore. And they are even TARGETING the stay at home moms out their to watch this show. All we can do is hope that these moms stay strong and ignore such disgust. If this show continues, I will no longer continue to watch TLC!
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This definitely is The Great Debate. I still think the show is great. It is being offered to women who WANT to look into their dream or who WANT to go beyond their everyday life. Being a SAHM, I left my job to be home with my kids. My life has changed so much since I left my job. I love being home with my great kids, but it made me realize, some moms are totally happy being home and some moms just feel something is missing. Adrian wasn't leaving her family to "make dresses", she chose this opportunity because it was making part of her come alive again, her dream. Her husband looked pretty excited for her job offer, so if the family decides to try to make it work, why not make it work. Who knows, she may quit her job and just come away with knowing she had the chance and she took it. If your career was part of who you are, you do not just change because you became a mom. I wish I could be totally content and not look out of the box, but I do feel part of me wanting to do more. Here is the question...of the SAHM's, who left a fullfilling career/job and does not have some desire to do more than taking care of their kids and a home? If you say no, then that's that, you are very lucky to be content!! But if you say yes, then how do you pretend to be totally happy? You want more. I think as nurturing women we should have compassion and acceptance for all types of moms who are doing what makes them happy and in turn makes a happier family. Whether it's staying home or working. Staying at home is anything but being lazy, I wish I could be lazy!!!...but you are constantly on the go!! I don't think any working mom who is in her right mind would put her children in an environment that was not a positive one. Sorry for the long input, but the show opens up so many emotions and that is the proof of a good show!
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quote: Originally posted by KATED0103:
I am disgusted by this show and I am very disappointed in TLC. This show goes against everything this channel stands for. I worked in Day Care for 6 years and I watched parents leave their children from 6:30 am to 7:00 pm so that they could fulfill their "dreams" and "careers". They would then spend 1 hour with them and then send them to bed because they were so tired from working. It is disgusting. These children knew their teachers better than they knew their parents. If they wanted so badly to be "known for their career" then they should not have had children. Women who stay home with their children should be rewarded. It is a blessing to watch your child grow up. And the risk of abuse in day care is enough to make any woman want to stay home to raise their child. This show is making women second guess their decision to raise their children themselves and put their children FIRST. Something we rarely see anymore. And they are even TARGETING the stay at home moms out their to watch this show. All we can do is hope that these moms stay strong and ignore such disgust. If this show continues, I will no longer continue to watch TLC!
So all these parents who kept their children there from 6:30 a.m. til 7:00 p.m. only spent one hour with their children? Can you explain to me how you know what these parents did when they got home with their children?? Were all these children from two parent families? Is there a chance that maybe a few of them were struggling Moms who were trying to make ends meet? You cannot lump all working Mom's into one category, just as I cannot, and will not lump all SAHM's into one. |
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quote: Originally posted by newzgal: quote: From what I've seen growing up, the life of a SAHM isn't alot more than eat,sleep,cook,clean,occasionally have sex. SAHMS have to ask themselves what they will do when their children are out of the house, and when their husband eventually dies. I don't just mean financially, I mean with themselves. Family life eventually goes away, and then where will the SAHMS be? Their worlds will be gone. Besides, In my inexperianced opinion, I would have alot more to give my children if my life isn't only home. And when they go away, which they will, it won't hurt as much. Don't any of the SAHMS feel that they've put all their emotional eggs in one basket? Maybe it's not our right to judge Adrians decision to return to work. Maybe this is a personal decision that we have no right to even have an opinion. This isn't black/white...
First of all, you have not had kids so under normal circumstances - I'd dismiss your opinion. Why? Because you have no idea until you hold that tiny bundle of joy in your arms how you want the days that follow to progress. I probably could've written your post 2.5 years ago before I had a child. There is much more to SAH than cooking, cleaning and changing diapers. I consider myself my children's first teacher - a private guide to life, to our community, to friendships, etc. We talk all day long, play games, go for walks, visit friends, go to museums, zoo, parks, wherever we feel like. I worked for roughly 14 years in broadcast journalism and never once regret quitting when I had my children. When I sit on our front steps blowing bubbles at 5pm, I don't 'regret' not doing a live shot at a murder scene in a crappy neighborhood. However, I don't live in a 'baby' vacuum. I have friends, I'm involved in community events, I work some freelance jobs - but the majority of my life is my children right now. I supposed when my children are grown or my husband dies (as stated above) I'll fall back on the hobbies and others things that have fulfilled my life both as a single person and as a SAHM. Working full-time is no guarantee of a 'life'. Ask me how many of the co-workers I still talk with regularly who I worked with for 10-plus years? Fewer than five. Nevermind most of the people I worked with were unhappy much of the time. The reality is work friends are merely acquaintances, people bonded with you at that particular moment in your life. The argument "I want adult conversation". Guess what my former work day conversations revolved around? Co-workers kids and their lives, at the time - my dating life, people bitching about work. It really was not much more 'deep and introspective' than my 2.5 year o ld who asks me super-intelligent questions all the time. As far as this show is concerned, the SAHMs seem a bit pathetic to me in that they seemed to have developed who they were as women WITHOUT working. I think the ones who choose 'career' on the show are naive that that will 'complete' them. I think one has to complete themself and then make a choice. I don't really care if women work or SAH. I feel badly for working moms who will never fully know the 'moments' they are missing - but I have enough working mom friends who have great kids to think there can't be a balance. I just prefer to do one at a time - career, kids, career. (And to those who think you can't go back? You can...if you keep your mind, your looks and your skills up. )
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I wanted to comment on the entry from newzgal. You sound like a really great mom! You mentioned that you are invloved in community events and do freelance writing. I think that being able to still express who you were before you had kids is a big part of your balanced life! You can stiil use your skills as a journalist and intereact with the people in the community. That is key, to use ALL SIDES OF WHO YOU ARE!!! This show lets moms who don't have the opportunity to use ALL their skills while at home, have the chance to go for it! You are fortunate to have a skill you enjoy, can get paid for and be a part of you that can stay alive while being at home with your children!
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quote: Originally posted by taraj:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by CollegeMom:
ISo are you ladies who think this is an outrage saying that when you get married to a rich man and you don't need a second income to survive, that you should just toss all your hopes and dreams aside?
Who says you have to stay home the rest of your life? Get a job when your kid is in school. For all of you who say "my kids loves daycare." Why don't you ask your kid if he would rather stay home and play with mommy or go to daycare. If your child says "daycare," then there is something seriously wrong. Nobody says you have to have kids either.
To Its2008-I cannot believe you disagree with my statement that it's best for a baby to be with his mom.
Oh, I can believe you can’t believe it given the combination of closed-mindedness and arrogance on display here. It’s really not that difficult to comprehend. I believe that: 1) quantity of time spent with children does not equate to the quality of the parent-child relationship; and 2) some women are not good mothers and their children are better off in a different environment. I don’t see what’s so shocking. I guess you don’t believe in the Department of Children’s Services either, since apparently every child on this earth should be with his or her mother at all times. Doesn’t matter if the mother is a lousy parent. Doesn’t matter if the mother is neglectful. Doesn’t matter if the mother is abusive. Nothing matters to you except that a child is with his/her mother. I find that frightening. You don’t have to hate mommy to like daycare. You'll never know whether or not your children would like daycare since you won't place them there. Your obvious need to be the entirety of your children's universe precludes you from even considering the possibility of your child enjoying a different environment, liking socializing with other children, etc. Children in daycare actually do see their parents. It’s not an either/or option. And to suggest asking a child “would you rather go to daycare or be with mommy” speaks volumes. That’s incredibly manipulative and guilt-inducing, to put it mildly. I would think a perfect parent such as yourself would know better. |
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I read through most of the comments here and have a few things to say about the subject.
Now first of all I am a fan of Dr.Laura's...I just want to put that out there first.
I am a stay at home mom and have been since my second child was born in 2001. However, I have never stopped taking care of myself. I was married young, 18, and we had our first child when I was 19. After my second child was born, at the age of 21, I went back to college. I was taking 4 classes a semester and taking care of two small children.
Going to school, for me, was more time consuming than working a job. Not only did I have 4 classes a week to attend 3 hours a class, but then at least 20 hours worth of homework to do at home. After two semesters I had to cut back to 2 or three classes, because taking 4 was just too much.
After going to school for 8 straight semesters I finally stopped going 2 classes short of a degree. I couldn't handle taking care of my family while trying to get reports, essays, books read, and all the stuff that goes with classes done.
After having worked full time while my daughter was a baby then going to school with both children being small, I would say working a full time job is easier. At least when your job day ends you come home and that is time at home, rather than spending 4 more hours with your nose in a book.
After stopping school, I started a new journey for myself, one that would allow me time with my family but still leave some room for my own self-fulfillment. I started designing jewelry and writing. I make pieces of jewelry throughout the year and save them up for Christmas time where I sell my pieces at a gift store. The rest of the time I work on the internet as a writer on a site called Helium.
Now that both children are in school it gives me time during the day to keep the house up, work on my projects, and write. I probably put in 30 hours a week on my work, which is a bit more than a part-time job.
There is no reason a woman can't find a balance between family and self-fulfillment. As much as I like Dr.Laura, my children do not provide me with the type of self-fulfillment that is found in achieving something outside of the family provides.
I watched this show last night and didn't find it offensive, disgusting, or anything else that has been said here. The woman had a choice. We also have to realize that this is obviously a set up thing, kind of like The Nanny or any of those other types of reality tv shows. The whole family had cameras on them, and we know there were things edited out, cut and re-shot to make the show have drama and suspense to keep us watching.
We have to realize that the show is filmed in the course of 5 days, and all of that material has to be cut down to fit into a 42 minute time slot and made to be filled with drama. To us she only had a minute to decide if she was going to stay home or start working. They could have been talking about it for 3 hour, but we only saw 30 seconds of discussion and then the decision.
To me it didn't seem like an easy decision for this woman. While she was at the job and they brought her into the truck to show her how her husband was doing, she was practically in tears...she obviously missed her family. When they showed her coming home she was tearfully joyful to hug her children.
We also have to realize that we aren't seeing everything. Who knows if after 6 months of working she just couldn't handle it anymore and decided to resign... We don't know. But we sit here assuming that because her husband and older daughter supported the idea that she go back to work, that they would make it work somehow, that it makes her a bad mother.
I don't generally agree with putting kids in day care centers...I personally never would. But some people have to and some people choose to. That is their choice. We can't assume that all the children watched by other people will turn out damaged, because they might not.
If working for that designer, who for all we know allows her to do work from home rather than constantly in the office, creates a happier mother--with that in turn creates a happier home, then more power to her.
I think the main objection here is the fact that she had two small children. One in preschool and the other barely walking. If she had all teenagers the discussions here would probably look a lot different.
I scold the show for starting out with this episode. They should only use people who have children that are school age, which would make the audience feel much better about the whole thing, because it would not seem like she is abandoning her family to go to work out of choice. If the kids were better able to take care of themselves I am sure very few people here who have objections would be objecting.
I read someone's comment about being judgmental...we say not to judge people, but we all know we do. We can dislike the show, but we don't know exactly what happened with this family. We only know what the producers wanted us to know to make the show exciting, to keep us watching it through the commercials so that they would get the ad revenue.
Just because we see it on TV doesn't make it the reality for the entire country. We have to realize that all television comes with a biasness, an agenda, and is filled with propaganda. We have to take TV with a grain of salt. If you don't like it, don't watch it. This is why I don't watch much television anymore. I might watch a total of 4 hours a week! I hate the news media, and any show geared towards making me form an opinion based on their supposed facts. I can spot propaganda from a mile away. And this show is it...feminist propaganda.
I do with my life what I feel is best, and watching a TV show like this, aside from the entertainment value, does little for me. I probably won't watch any more shows, not because I disliked the show, but because I just don't watch that much television.
That being said, some of you really need to lighten up a little and stop taking stupid television shows so seriously. Shows are just a way for the corporation to make money, and influence the weak-minded audience with its obvious agenda. For me I would rather turn off the TV and go have some alone time at 10pm with my husband!
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QUOTE]So all these parents who kept their children there from 6:30 a.m. til 7:00 p.m. only spent one hour with their children? Can you explain to me how you know what these parents did when they got home with their children??
Were all these children from two parent families? Is there a chance that maybe a few of them were struggling Moms who were trying to make ends meet? You cannot lump all working Mom's into one category, just as I cannot, and will not lump all SAHM's into one.[/QUOTE]
The ONLY parents that left their children at the centers for that extended period of time were MARRIED women with WORKING husbands. These women worked for huge companies, wore the designer clothes, and drove the fancy cars. The reason I KNOW that these parents spent no time with their children is because they would ask ME to feed them dinner and sometimes even put their PJs on so that when they got home at 7:30 they could be ready to go right to bed. Ive seen it...its HORRIBLE. I DID not put my post up there for you to judge and I DID NOT AND DO NOT want another response from you. I want TLC to read this and take this garbage off the air. These women were told to LIE to their husbands and children and we told IN FRONT OF THEIR CHILDREN that they had a better opportunity than staying home and being a mom. DISGUSTING DISGUSTING DISGUSTING!!!
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and these women are told to make a decision in ONE night and told they will start on Monday! that gives them only days to find child care for their children. how much research and background can you do on a childcare center or nanny in a few days? can you visit different centers and find the best one? NO. can you get your child adjusted slowly so they wont have the huge shock of being left with a stranger? NO. This is what upsets me MOST. They are throwing these moms and children into these situations. These are NOT LIGHT SITUATIONS.
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