The great thing about 2008 women can do anything they want start a career, have a family, join the army, and possibly the President. This show is unspeakable if you are a woman who wants a full time career please figure that out before you have children. These poor kids will now be raised by total strangers. No I don't believe we should have it all. At what expense? I fully support women in the workforce but, if that is the decision you make don't have kids that YOU or a partner can't raise.....
I would like to understand what you have against working moms. I would like to have kids and work to support them. Right now I am obtaining an Degree in Education and I can understand your point to a certain extent. But what about those mother's who just stay at home and do nothing and still don't raise their children? No matter what you do, they will always be consequences and you would have to deal with them as best as you can.
My boyfriend and I plan to marry and have children, someday sooner than later. There is no possible way that I would ever desire to be a stay at home mom. The thought has just never crossed my mind.
Here is the great thing about 2008, living in the time that we do... it is possible for a woman to work full time and still be a good parent. Just because you stay home with your children and don't have "strangers" raise them doesn't mean that you are any better of a mother than working women.
Just curious... what do you suppose couples should do who have children but do not have the means to have either parent staying home with that child? Finance is a big issue in the decision people make, so I am curious to learn how you feel that should be handled. Should couples who can't afford to have one parent home not be "allowed" to have children (for lack of a better term...)?
Wow, two people here who know how other people should be conducting their lives. It's an honor to write on the same board as you two.
Inexperience often brings about a false sense of expertise. Moms are human beings with their own needs and motivators. It is nobody's business except mom's and dad's when a mother decides to work outside the home or not. This is America.
And be careful about saying that you would never be a SAHM, especially if you have never looked into the eyes of your firstborn child.
Originally posted by momfirst: Wow, two people here who know how other people should be conducting their lives. It's an honor to write on the same board as you two.
My apologies to Silveretta. After re-reading your post, I don't think you are telling anyone else how to conduct their lives. I think you are showing support to moms who stay home as well as to moms who work full-time.
1.Yes there are bad SAHM's as well as bad WOHM's however all things being equal a good SAHM is better than a "good" WOHM. When the child is YOURS you LOVE them more. NOWAY does a childcare provider LOVE your child more than you. NO WAY does a childcare provider care more about that child's future than you. NO WAY will that Childcare provider willing throw their body in front of a bus for YOUR child. When you work extremely hard for something you are more invested in the outcome. It is more precious to you and you value and respect it more.
2.I've always wondered how anyone can get ahead financially by both parents working outside of the home and paying for Daycare. Good quality Day care costs a fortune. Isn't one parent basically paying for daycare? Unless one is lucky to have a loving Grandparent or close relative "raise" the child I don't see it. I'd think the Daycares that were "cheap" are basically in the "You get what you pay for" category. If that is where the child will spend the better part of their day, then that is most certainly not equal to staying home with a loving parent.
Originally posted by momfirst: Wow, two people here who know how other people should be conducting their lives. It's an honor to write on the same board as you two.
My apologies to Silveretta. After re-reading your post, I don't think you are telling anyone else how to conduct their lives. I think you are showing support to moms who stay home as well as to moms who work full-time.
Thanks, I definitely wasn't trying to tell others how to live their lives. My main concern or question was just what couples who cannot financially afford to stay home with their child are supposed to do. I understand that childcare is expensive, but if there is a friend or relative available who is willing to watch the child(ren)... that is an acceptable alternative as well. I just don't like how some people pass judgement on the life that a working mother can provide or help provide for their family.
I think it is absolutely wonderful if a mother is able to stay home with her children and care for them and be right there with them every step of the way. I commend those women who do stay home and sacrifice their jobs and hobbies so that they can be there with their children. Some might think it's responsibility to be there all of the time, but I think it's a privilege to be able to do that. I think it's a wonderful opportunity, and I can't honestly say that I wouldn't be tempted myself, if the offer would ever come my way. At the same time, I know that my boyfriend and I would not be able to make it on just one income. ...and that's just now. We are renting an apartment, so we don't have a mortgage payment, and we certainly don't have a child to care for yet... so I can only imagine that when those things come into play, money will only be tighter. I've just always had in my head that when I have children, I will have to work. That's not saying that I wouldn't like to be a SAHM, but it is saying that I realize that I have a responsibility to help provide for my family... and I feel that the most responsible way for that to happen would be for me to work, and thank Heaven for a wonderful family who is willing to help out in any way possible.
My point is that some people just can't afford to stay home, and they might have other "free" childcare options available... such as a friend or relative. I was just wondering what the OP's take on that was.
I feel that both working mothers and SAHM are wonderful and important, but I know which one I will be.
You should wait to have children until you are financially stable enough to have one parent be there. You can be creative, you don't have to both work 9-5 jobs. There are many ways to do it. It is a 5yr commitment; until the child goes to school. You sound very young, Silveretta. Do you have any clue how hard it is to raise a child? Why would you think that there is such a thing as "free" childcare? Do you know how big of an imposition it is on a relative to place that burden on them for "free??" You aren't married, don't have kids and can still say with so much clarity that you would never stay home to raise your kids. That's alot to absorb for me. Just curious what kind of upbringing you had? Did you have to go to full-time daycare? I am proud to be a SAHM and I have my law degree. I see how those daycare kids are treated. I go to the park in the summer and there is always a child care provider there with her brood and I can't tell you how many times I could have taken one of those kids if I wanted to. They are not watched like you would watch your own kids. They do not get the TLC you would give your own kids. You need to do alot of soul searching before you consider having children....please....for the sake of your future children.
First of all, the "free" childcare that I am talking about is the childcare that my mother offered to give me.
Second, I don't think you read my post and understood it in its entirety. I would love to be able to stay home with a child if I could. I would love to be able to be there every step of the way. However, it will never happen for me. It will never be an option, and that is something that I am fully aware of. I didn't say that I wouldn't stay home to raise my children, I said that I wouldn't be able to.
Also, so maybe you can understand, I don't know anyone who has ever been able to have one parent stay home with the children. Even the "richest" and most financially stable people I know... both parents go to work, and always have. Maybe it's just life around where I live... I have no idea. That's what I see around here.
Just to ease your curiosity... my parents got divorced when I was 3-years old. My dad never paid child support, so my mom worked full time to support the household and me. My grandma moved in to help my mom with the housework, and to help take care of me.
I have nothing more to say. I know how hard it is to raise a child, I am fully aware. I wasn't looking to be spoken down to, like I feel you decided it was necessary to do. I have no soul-searching to do, because I am fully aware of what my responsibilities will be. If I have someone who is willing to help me with my child, then I'm certainly going to take it. I am thankful for it, and I will accept graciously. Don't think that I won't re-pay them... I'm not greedy.
[QUOTE]Originally posted by silveretta: I would love to be able to stay home with a child if I could. I would love to be able to be there every step of the way. However, it will never happen for me. It will never be an option, and that is something that I am fully aware of. I didn't say that I wouldn't stay home to raise my children, I said that I wouldn't be able to.
Also, so maybe you can understand, I don't know anyone who has ever been able to have one parent stay home with the children. Even the "richest" and most financially stable people I know... both parents go to work, and always have. Maybe it's just life around where I live... I have no idea. That's what I see around here.
WHAT in the world are you talking about? You are right, I do not understand. What do you mean when you say it will never be an option to be able to stay home with your kids? What do you mean that you know people who could stay home and just don't? I think you are making my point for me....that people who have the means to stay home and raise their own flesh and blood CHOOSE to work instead. WORK IS MORE IMPORTANT. How sad is that, Siveretta?? Seriously. I don't mean to talk down to you. I just want you to realize how important it is to raise your own kids, not have grandma do it. It will all become very clear to you the day you hold your firstborn child. I hope you remember this conversation on that day and make it a priority in your life to move in a direction where you can spend as much time with your babies.
My heart breaks for those beautiful precious children who will no longer be nurtured by their mother for most of the day. I was a daycare kid and I wasn't abused or neglected but my favorite time of the day was when I would hear my mom's keys jingling down the hallway as she arrived to sign my sister and me out. There is no substitute for a mother I don't care how lovely the daycare worker is. There are so many years before you have children or after they are grown to bask in your own desires. I'm sure my daughter will be happier to know I gave up an executive position to raise her rather than having the nicest house or the coolest clothes...
Originally posted by taraj: [QUOTE]Originally posted by silveretta: I would love to be able to stay home with a child if I could. I would love to be able to be there every step of the way. However, it will never happen for me. It will never be an option, and that is something that I am fully aware of. I didn't say that I wouldn't stay home to raise my children, I said that I wouldn't be able to.
Also, so maybe you can understand, I don't know anyone who has ever been able to have one parent stay home with the children. Even the "richest" and most financially stable people I know... both parents go to work, and always have. Maybe it's just life around where I live... I have no idea. That's what I see around here.
WHAT in the world are you talking about? You are right, I do not understand. What do you mean when you say it will never be an option to be able to stay home with your kids? What do you mean that you know people who could stay home and just don't? I think you are making my point for me....that people who have the means to stay home and raise their own flesh and blood CHOOSE to work instead. WORK IS MORE IMPORTANT. How sad is that, Siveretta?? Seriously. I don't mean to talk down to you. I just want you to realize how important it is to raise your own kids, not have grandma do it. It will all become very clear to you the day you hold your firstborn child. I hope you remember this conversation on that day and make it a priority in your life to move in a direction where you can spend as much time with your babies.
I think that we are both taking each other the wrong way. ...and I also think that I wrote the last reply with a little too much emotion. All that I meant, in defense of myself, is that as of right now... with the jobs that my boyfriend and I currently have and our current pay rates, it wouldn't be possible for either of us to stay home. Both of our incomes are very important to keep this household running. However, we are both due for raises and we will surely be more financially stable when we have children. That is a priority. I know that it is the parents responsibility to raise their own children, I understand that and completely agree with you. I should not rely on other people, and I hope that I don't have to... but if I would have to have others help me, I am very thankful and grateful that is an option.
I also think that I worded my statement wrong about not knowing people who stay home to raise their children. The people who I know that have children... they are not financially stable enough to have one partner stay home with their children. I didn't mean that they were able but just chose not to... maybe I'm not using the right words. It's just another situation where both incomes are very important to keeping the household running.
I only hope that when I do have a child, I am able and do have the means to stay home with them. My job is not more important than my future children, nor will it ever be. There is nothing that I want more in the world than to have children and raise them. That is my dream. Luckily, I think that with my job, it would be possible for me to work from home... and that would make it easier for me to play an extremly active role in my children's lives. That's a dream that I hope can come true.
taraj, I agree with everything you are saying. I think that we just had a misunderstanding and miscommunication from the beginning. I apologize for my part in that. Sometimes if I get emotional or really "moved" by a topic, my words and sentences don't come out quite the way that I intend for them to.
End of story - I understand and agree whole-heartedly with everything you are saying.
Whoa........see now its that little attitude that you have there Kim78, that gives all SAHM a bad rep. I am a SAHM, and i don't have a problem with a mom who choses to be a mom and a career woman. That is her choice, no that is the parents choice. Heck, if they got the energy to not only have a full time career, but also take care of her family when she gets home, more power to her. Besides, there are great daycare providers out there, they may be hard to come by sometimes, but i'm pretty sure that those moms have only the best for their children just as us SAHM do. YOu shouldn't be so quick to judge them. They have everyright to experience the miricles of birth and motherhood as anyone. No need to be so hostle.
All I have to say, is that I'm 24. I'm single and I live on my own with my own fantastic career. I plan on hopefully one day on meeting the right guy and doing the whole marriage and family thing. However, I come from a strong line of women and I also intend on being a full time mom along with a full time career woman. My mom raised three children on her own while working overnight shift as a nurse. Even after she married my stepfather she worked. I do not harbor feelings against my mother at all for this. She made every attempt to be at our school functions. For each one of us. Now that's 3 different schedules. She was wonderwoman I hope that I can be just as wonderful of a mom that she is. We can have it all, and I'll demand to have it all. It's great that some women can be SAHM's. But I'm not one of them. I get stir crazy as it is. And cooking and cleaning is not what I signed up for in my life because I was born a female. Maybe 60 years ago, but not now. I will always work. I will always support my child/children in what they do. I will always put my child first when that does happen in my life. However, I have to earn a living as well in order for ME to feel complete. I'm entitled to be a career woman just as much another is entitled to be a SAHM or SAHW. Every woman has a choice to be what she wants to be. We should be greatful that we have these choices. Way back when, our only place was in the kitchen and as mothers. Take advantage of what opportunities you have. And DON'T frown down upon others who choose to do the opposite of what you do. That's what this country needs to start doing. Stop pushing agendas. Learn to accept that everyone is an individual and has individual needs and wants. As long as those needs and wants are not hurting anyone...what does it matter?!
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Thanks, I definitely wasn't trying to tell others how to live their lives. My main concern or question was just what couples who cannot financially afford to stay home with their child are supposed to do. I understand that childcare is expensive, but if there is a friend or relative available who is willing to watch the child(ren)... that is an acceptable alternative as well. I just don't like how some people pass judgement on the life that a working mother can provide or help provide for their family.
