Wow MADDAD... you got one thing right. You are not very "enlightened." I want to feel sorry for you but more than that I feel sorry for your wife. I can't imagine being in a relationship where my husband thought so little of me and my reasoning ability he felt the need to make all of my decisions for me. Even more than that I feel sorry for her because once the children are grown and gone, fulfilling their own dreams, she'll realize that she gave up the things she wanted to accomplish and her prize was you.
Wow, sounds like someone feels emasculated at the very thought of "his" wife going to work, earning money, and not having to be completely dependent on him. Controlling much? My husband wants me to be happy, period. I have to work, we need both incomes, and since he's 10 years older than me, he likes to talk about when he retires and I'm still working, he'll have the house all taken care of while I bring home the bacon. I'm going back to school, and when I'm done I'll be making way more money than my husband, and he thinks that is just so cool. That's because we are a TEAM. We are partners and we support each other.
Ha ha, I'm envisioning William H. Macy in the movie "Pleasantville", coming home and finding that his wife isn't there, his dinner's not on the table and him befuddled, asking "Where's my dinner?" That's going to be this dude one day when his wife realizes that she's being held back by him.
Hey Barney, step out of the stone age and TALK to your wife and support her in doing something that will make her happy. It's not all about you. I love how you would "do anything" to avoid divorcing your wife. Oh yeah, except "letting" her work.
This message has been edited. Last edited by: kim g,
When my husband was alive he wanted me to stay home when I had my first child. I knew that we couldn't afford to but it did bother him. He almost burned all my work clothes the night before I went back. That's another story...
I've always been independent and now that I'm a widow I can support my family without any outside assistance.
If you want your wife to stay home, make sure that when you die (and that's not an IF) she is financially protected otherwise she will end up on welfare or maybe she will find someone that will "LET" her work.
And if I may end with my own quote:
Women, don't let yourself be controlled. Find out what you like to do and are good at and go do it! You need to be more independent. That way you won't get stuck like my mom was and have no way out!
This message has been edited. Last edited by: kim g,
Originally posted by workingmom123: And if I may end with my own quote:
Women, don't let yourself be controlled. Find out what you like to do and are good at and go do it! You need to be more independent. That way you won't get stuck like my mom was and have no way out!
I'd like to add to that if I may:
Women, don't EVER let yourself be controlled... You have a mind and will of your own. That's WHY the good Lord gave them to you and intended them to be USED.
This message has been edited. Last edited by: kim g,
Ha ha, I'm envisioning William H. Macy in the movie "Pleasantville", coming home and finding that his wife isn't there, his dinner's not on the table and him befuddled, asking "Where's my dinner?" That's going to be this dude one day when his wife realizes that she's being held back by a tool like him.
Hey Barney, step out of the stone age and TALK to your wife and support her in doing something that will make her happy. It's not all about you. I love how you would "do anything" to avoid divorcing your wife. Oh yeah, except "letting" her work. .
He might have provided the DNA for the kids, but he sure doesn't know how to be either a father OR a husband.
This message has been edited. Last edited by: kim g,
Wow This isn't quite the response I expected. I forgot the golden(internet)rule "Every body has an alias on the net that they portray as being perfect." I don't think of my wife as a "slave" as was mentioned before. But rather I stand on my principles and expect my wife to stay home with the kids. Many of you made remarks that my wife should leave me. After reading these responses I thought full disclosure was the wisest course of action, as I am always truthful to my wife, and showed her my original post. The first thing she did was say you are dumb for posting on an internet site. The second thing she did was read the post and get mad I was discussing our private affairs. When she realized it was all done under an alias she calmed down.( a little) Then she starting reading all the response's. A little smile came across her face and the further along she got " You've really ticked some people off" was mentioned several times. After talking for a few hours about why I was so adamant about her staying home until the kids get out of school we came to the same conclusion that we had before our oldest was born. She would stay home. Everyone of you that has posted, claims or seems, to be an independent women or a (time for some name calling of my own) weak man. When my son becomes a "MAN" I would hope he follows my example by providing for and protecting his family. For all you people out there that think I am old fashion and that the world we live in today is so modern that everyone one is equal I say your wrong. You've just been sheltered by strong MEN. I am a small buisness owner in a small Tennessee town (40,000+ pop) and this past week there has been one police involved shooting less than 500 yards from my store, And a meth lab exploded about a mile from our house. Also around town in the past two months there have been 3 reported rapes of young women, women who could not defend theirselves because their attackers were men who were physically bigger and stronger than them. Does it get any more realistic than that? My decision to have my wife be a stay at home mom has more to do than just protection It's also about forging family bonds that are stronger than any other ties in this world. I've started to drift a little as it is late at night I will try to elaborate more later
MADDAD
This message has been edited. Last edited by: kim g,
The fact that you are surprised by the response says it all. How sad that you consider a man who views his wife as a partner in their marriage as "weak" and that your son will have those same values instilled in him.
I'm at a loss to understand how not allowing your wife to work "protects" her. You do realize that crimes are committed against people in their homes, as well as out in the big bad world, don't you? Not to mention that your wife is not a child who needs daddy to protect her.
This message has been edited. Last edited by: kim g,
Originally posted by MADDAD: Wow This isn't quite the response I expected. I forgot the golden(internet)rule "Every body has an alias on the net that they portray as being perfect." I don't think of my wife as a "slave" as was mentioned before. But rather I stand on my principles and expect my wife to stay home with the kids. ..........After talking for a few hours about why I was so adamant about her staying home until the kids get out of school we came to the same conclusion that we had before our oldest was born. She would stay home. Everyone of you that has posted, claims or seems, to be an independent women or a (time for some name calling of my own) weak man. When my son becomes a "MAN" I would hope he follows my example by providing for and protecting his family. For all you people out there that think I am old fashion and that the world we live in today is so modern that everyone one is equal I say your wrong. You've just been sheltered by strong MEN. I am a small buisness owner in a small Tennessee town (40,000+ pop) and this past week there has been one police involved shooting less than 500 yards from my store, And a meth lab exploded about a mile from our house. Also around town in the past two months there have been 3 reported rapes of young women, women who could not defend theirselves because their attackers were men who were physically bigger and stronger than them. Does it get any more realistic than that? My decision to have my wife be a stay at home mom has more to do than just protection It's also about forging family bonds that are stronger than any other ties in this world. I've started to drift a little as it is late at night I will try to elaborate more laterMADDAD
Ok, let me see if I understand this....you EXPECT her to do what YOU want...
Uh, last I looked that means you don't treat her as an EQUAL, but as a piece of property.
Hon, this is 2008...you are NOT lord and master of her, (tho you obviously have some sort of delusion that women are weaker and less intelligent). Prehaps it is YOU who are the weaker one who makes himself feel strong by trying to make someone else do their bidding. A bit warped, eh?
If this kind of attitude is what you've taught your son, I personally feel sorry for him. He'll have a hard time finding a PARTNER for the rest of his life, cause mose women won't, nor will, put up with that type of BS. I sincerely hope your son wises up before he ends up very alone and very bitter.
MADDAD you kill me. You are SURPRIZED about the feedback to your original post? I fell off my chair laughing again. YOu know if you belive in the traditional family set up of a stay at home mom and wife that's one thing. Read a lot of the posts here on this subject and there are quite a few women who believe in that too. What makes you such a moron is that you by your own words ASSUMED your wife would be someone who makes that choice. You admitted on your OP you never discussed it even before you got married. You posted in the Internet for the whole world to see and your suprozed by the feedback? ha ha ha
This message has been edited. Last edited by: kim g,
Ok, I know that I am going to get blasted for saying this, but quiet honestly, I believe that MADDAD has his family's best interests in mind. He clearly loves his children and only wants to protect them. Quite frankly, I'd rather have a man who feels so strongly about family values, than one who takes a back seat. There is nothing wrong with wanting to have strong family bonds, and putting the family first. MADDAD come across very opinionated, but so do most of us when we have strong feelings about something. I can understand why some people took offensive to MADDAD's first post, but come on people... you can't blame a man for wanting to simply put family first. Was it wrong to assume that your wife would stay home--probably, but have we not all made mistakes in our marriages too..the important thing is that they later communicated about it and came to a conclusion together. Lets give this guy a break--and in my opinion, MADDAD--please don't feel like you need to defend yourself any longer, or go into further detail. It is nobody's business. You just have to ask yourself two things.."Do I have happy, healthy children who feel secure in this world?" and "Does my wife know how by my actions and words how much I love and appreciate her for all she contributes to the happiness and security of my family?" If you can answer yes to both those questions, then nothing else in this world matters. not what anyone thinks, or how people on this forum are judging you.
Originally posted by luvmy2: Ok, I know that I am going to get blasted for saying this, but quiet honestly, I believe that MADDAD has his family's best interests in mind.
Are you sure that threatening to divorce your wife if she returns to work mean that he has his family's best interests at heart?.. If so then you have a warped sense of what is in the best interest of a family.
While I do not agree with some of the comments MADDAD made, the point I wanted to make was this: The only opinion that MADDAD should be concerned with are those of this wife and children. If he and his wife have come to a conclusion that they are BOTH happy with and works for thier family, than that is what matters. To MADDAD: go on loving, supporting, and protecting your family. For it is a harsh world out there, if you need another example just look at all the negitive comments on this board. I once heard someone say, "All the sucess in the world can not compensate for failure in the home." I full heatedly agree with that. Weither you are a SAHM or a WOHM mom is not the issue. The topic we should all be concerned with is our children. If we can honestly say that we have children who feel loved, supported, and know that they belong to a loving home, then that my friends is sucess. The greatest sucess we can posses on this earth. My children and I are about to start our day. We are spending the morning at a fun-filled Easter themed playdate--and I can't wait! Feel free to respond, but I will no longer be visiting this forum.
You are a rock solid piece of work. As someone who has been previously controlled and had my role defined (with all types of handy excuses and moral high ground), I can say that your assumption that you know what is best will backfire eventually. Marriage should make two people the best of who they are, and this is a fabulous lesson for children.
I am sure you could relate well with the show last night and the police officer who scoffed at his wife and didn't listen to her heart. Last week the same conclusion was made (for her to stay home) but the process was entirely different- because of the compassion and love of the husband.
I got on this forum to commend TLC for a FABULOUS SHOW!!! I was a stay-at-home mom for ten years. The main reason I stayed at home was because I was told-- by all the people around me who were as judgmental as some of the people on this forum-- that is what a good mom did. I love my kids, but I feel I would have been a much better mom if my dreams were at least heard and validated. Suddenly intellectual stimulation was gone from my life, and I am not supposed to notice because there are toilets to clean?!?
At this point, my kids are in school and I have gone back to work. The truth is, I did give up something. We always give up something. When I started looking for work, I was treated as if I had lived under a bridge for ten years. I went from being treated with respect and having employers desire me to having an "unstable work history".
I am now getting a great job, and my kids are OVERJOYED and my husband cannot believe the change in me as I am nourishing that part of who I am. If having a wife with passions unrelated to laundry, dishes and diapers is so intimidating you would divorce her for it-- then marriage is less than God-glorifying for you. This is a great topic that needs attention. I am very impressed with TLC for addressing it.
Recently I went to an Executive Moms conference and complained because comments were made about SAHMs putting them in a less than respectful light. I am so tired of judgmentalism on both sides of the fence. When will we be satisfied enough within our own lives that we don't feel the need to judge and control all others (including our spouse)?
I wish more men thought like you. Thankfully my husband does. At first he did want me to work a part time job, due to our financial situation. We were working opposite shifts to avoid babysitters. It was aweful. Finally I quit my job during my second pregnancy. He realized how nice it was to have me home. The house was always clean, the laundry always done, meals made and I was never too tired for a little lovin! *wink wink* Now as time has gone by we've added more children and they are still young. But my husband is amazing! He tells me how wonderful I am, how much he loves me and how thankful he is to have me. We are both from broken homes. My mother was a drug addict that brought home scum. She chose child molesters, drug addicts and just plain low lives over me and my sister. My father was her drug dealer. Nice bed time story for the kids right. The point is that your husband is to be your partner, in all things. We raise our children as a team. Our home is a family effort. It is not mommy's job to clean up after 6 people by herself. I am a full time wife and mother. I love staying home. I do plan to go back to school when our youngset goes to school. But I don't plan on doing a regular 9 to 5 daily job. I hope to become a Christian public speaker and author. I can go to school and write while my children are in school and when they leave home I can go on to the rest. I agree that my children need a full time mother and they need to see their father have a full time wife. You only get to raise your children once. Before you know it they're grown and gone. Choose wisely.
(this post is not in any way directed toward single mothers, God has given you an amazing amount of strength)
[QUOTE]Originally posted by busymommy: I wish more men thought like you. Thankfully my husband does./QUOTE]
IMHO, God forbid that your husband threatens to divorce you should you decide to go back to work as this so-called man has threatened to do to his wife.
[QUOTE] The point is that your husband is to be your partner, in all things. We raise our children as a team. Our home is a family effort. It is not mommy's job to clean up after 6 people by herself. I am a full time wife and mother. I love staying home. I do plan to go back to school when our youngset goes to school. But I don't plan on doing a regular 9 to 5 daily job. I hope to become a Christian public speaker and author. I can go to school and write while my children are in school and when they leave home I can go on to the rest. I agree that my children need a full time mother and they need to see their father have a full time wife. You only get to raise your children once. Before you know it they're grown and gone. Choose wisely./QUOTE]
I fully agree with the first part of your statement here. Marriage IS a partnership, it is NOT a dictatorship, as this so-called man has it. However, why do you, as well as others, automatically assume it is the mother's role to stay at home and dad not to? That's just dumb, imho. If, as you say, marriage is a partnership, then it is a CHOICE of whomever is best at it, regardless of gender, to CHOOSE whether or not to stay at home. Should both CHOOSE to work, that is their CHOICE and no one except the couple involved, has the right to condemn them or say they're bad parents for making that choice. I've been working since my daughter was 6 months old and I CHOSE to work and I'd do it again in a heart beat. Am I a bad mother because I made that choice?
NO! And anyone who says it has no idea what they're talking about.
!
