My boyfriend & I started dating when we were 15 & 16. I went to college 250 miles away, but we still stayed together through all that time. We've both had close friends of the opposite sex, but neither of us has ever felt the need to date other people. We already feel like we've found everything we could ever want -- in each other.
I'm 20 and just graduated from college (early, to save money). Now, we're back in the same city but both still living with our parents. He wants to buy a house for the two of us in the fall, and he has been saving up for this purpose for years. I'm not against living together before marriage, but we've also begun talking about getting engaged. Technically, I won't be 21 till summer, but I feel so much older than that... I'm a college grad, starting professional school in the fall, etc. And we've been together for almost six years now! I think that a proposal wouldn't be ridiculous at this point -- but do other people agree? Thanks!
First I would advise you not moving in before marriage. I am a true believer that you should follow the proper steps to get to marriage and I think moving in together produces more harm than good.
Second - yes you are getting to an age where marriage should be considered. I am a firm believer that both parties should be firmly established in their career to ensure a good financial position and both parties should be mature and ready for things like parenthood, etc. However there is not need to rush anything as you will find that rushing into major committments like marriage must be done when the time is right. Dr Laura who in my opinion is pretty good about offering relationship advice always tells people to wait until you reach your mid 20's before entering marriage. I do think she is right on this one as I look back and agree that there are a lot of struggles in the first few years of a marriage that require solid maturity on both sides to work through them. I was married at the age of 26 (wife was 25) and we did fine and as expected had our challanges early on but were to work through everything without much problem.
So conclusion here is that it is ok to get married at your age BUT ONLY in the case where both parties are well established with their career and have the maturity it takes to enter into the marriage committment. If that is not the case yet - just hold off until you get there - you will find that time flies and before you know it a few years will pass and both of you will be ready to exchange rings.
I'm sure others will disagree with me on this point, but in my opinion being engaged is just a way of saying, "we're REALLY committed". I think in the professional world, it is respected more (i have no idea why) when someone says, "this is my fiance" rather than, "this is my boyfriend". I guess they see it as more mature or grown up. But, just be prepared if and when you start introducing him as your fiance, because inevitably the next question is, "Oh, when's the big day?" You can get away with telling them you haven't settled on one and say you're waiting 'till a certain time of year (if it's winter at the time, say you're waiting 'till the summer...or vise versa) and that will buy you some time. I, personally, don't think that there should be a time limit on how long two people are engaged, but society seems to have a different opinion about that. Like i said, it's just letting people know with rings and fancy words, that you two are extremely committed to one another.
As far as being too young to get engaged? No, i think you sound like a mature and driven person. You've accomplished more than a lot of people have by the time they're 35.
Now to the living together part... If i were in you guys position, i would put the whole "buying a house" thing on hold. That is a huge commitment for him. I know it seems like throwing money away at times to rent, but you guys really need to live together for at least a year before marriage. You never fully know someone until you live with them for a good while. It's much easier to call off a wedding or put it on hold, than suffer from a failed marriage.
