Here's my story -

I'm a 20 year old male college student. I've never had a real girlfriend before, and I'm still waiting for my first kiss. The only girlfriends I ever had were one in kindergarden and one in 7th grade, but we were really just silly kids and we didn't even hold hands (something else I'm yet to do with a girl). In both instances, the girl asked me out.

I've been rejected more times than the average guy my age. I'd estimate about 40. Every girl I've ever asked to go out with me or go on a date with me has said no. The last time I was rejected was two months ago, and I've met a few available females since then, but none I could see myself being with. At the moment, I have tons of female friends, but almost all of them are already taken, and I've never been able to go beyond being just friends with anyone (the girls I dated before were ones I didn't even know at first).

I used to be shy, but I grew out of it. Some people still think that I am, but the people who know me know that I'm not shy at all. I'm usually comfortable around people depending on the situation, and even though people used to think I was a "loner" and a "loser" back when I was younger, I've been semi-popular for the last two years or so. I'm still quiet and reserved though, but not all the time.

I usually avoid dances and parties. I was at one not too long ago and had some of the only somewhat sexual experience that I've had in my life when this girl was bumping and grinding on me. I knew that she had a guy though, and she was being too forceful and sexual (I think she might have been drunk), so I didn't feel comfortable in that situation. I found out later that a friend told her to do it. Then my friends tried to force me to dance with them and got upset that I couldn't dance. People don't seem to understand that I just can't dance and don't feel like trying since I'm so bad at it and don't feel comfortable. Then when I'm at parties, people usually try to pressure me into drinking and stuff. I'm not that type of person, and I act stupid if I do get drunk or high. Long story short, party/dance/club environments are bad for me and not an option.

I'm not really ugly. I used to think that I was, but enough people have told me that I'm not the past years that I believe it now. I am slightly below average in appearance though. I'm also short and skinny for a guy (5'7" and 120 lbs.) and that might be a problem. I've seen guys on about my level with girlfriends before, so I don't know how it could be my looks, but guys who are better looking than me tend to get the girls that I don't. I can't really think of a better reason.

I don't fully understand why I've never had the experiences that most other people my age have or why I still can't find a girlfriend.

Certainly something you are doing or how you appear to the girls is turning them away. Unfortunately when you are young the girls really use appearance as a major item instead of the real important stuff like your personality and smarts. The good news is that girls will learn over time that looks are not the important thing in relationships and they will focus on the individual but that doesn't help you now. I think the best thing you could do for yourself is try to lower your standards a bit and just try to date anyone at this point to get some experience. I can guarantee you there are many girls that are sad that nobody asks them out. Yes they are probably the shy ones, maybe a bit dorky or heavy but you are not asking them to marry you - just to go out and have some fun. So try to get a few dates under your belt and work your way up from there.

Hey David,

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your confidence level? Confidence has a HUUUUUUUUGE roll when it comes to meeting ladies. Also, what kinds of things are you into? Perhaps a change in scene would help. If you're not the partying type, maybe pay attention to the ladies that are at the venues you prefer. And since it is college, try not to focus on finding "the one". She'll come at the right time. Use college to weed out what kind of girl you'd like to get to know--as well as what kind of guy you would like to be.

I always tell my guy friends who face issues like this to think of a man they admire, someone who they think is suave and handsome and charismatic--basically THE man. Adapt the qualities that you like about that person, not all at once because it may come off as fake, but it may help build up your confidence. Also, play up your own good qualities too! You're in college, so you're obviously smart. And seemingly from your post, you're honest and not unattractive. So you've at least go those going for ya!

Girls like guys who can bear their confience and yet still show a sensitive side of themselves. If you see a girl who you think is attractive, just tell her "Hi" in passing. Make good eye contact (look her directly in the eye, but don't stare), and just give a little smile. That may be all you need to catch her attention. If she reciprocates, you've probably got your foot in the door toward a conversation. Good luck!

You know, I'd kind of like to blame it all on my looks, but I just don't know. I've been told before that I'm about average, and it shouldn't really be standing in my way, although it would help if I made some improvements. One of things I don't like about my appearance is my natural smile because it seems weird to me, but one of my female friends told me just the other day that I have a cute smile. I've even been told before that I could be a "pretty boy" if I wanted to and worked at it. I don't know if any of this is really good though since I'd rather be handsome and masculine than cute and pretty.

That could be another problem: I am a bit feminine and I've been commonly mistaken as being gay.

As for intelligence, I'm actually supposed to be a genius or something like that, but I just come off as conceded if I spread it around. I know I'm actually like one of the brightest young men in America (got the documents to prove it) but I really don't think of myself that way, but it feels nice to say it or think about it. There's really different kinds of intellegences though, and mine is mainly centered in my creative, language, and musical abilities. Sadly, I can't apply any of that directly because it's all what's in my head and what I can put down on paper, and not in actual spoken word and actions (can't speak well, can't paint, can't sing, can't play an instrument - just have it all in my head)

I think the fact that I'm intelligent might actually be a bad thing since smart people can seem intimidating. I even had a girl tell me once that I was too smart for her. I'm just not sure how to make it a positive thing that works towards my advantage. I've found that what a lot of women are really talking about when they say a guy is smart and it's a turn-on is that he's successful, charismatic, confident, funny, has good people skills and verbal skills, and seems smart. I don't really have those things. I think people perceive me as a nerd and a geek and stuff like that, although that's not entirely true. A guy could know the square root of pi to 12 places (which I don't, I suck at math) but that wouldn't help him find someone. It's how you present yourself.

I don't really know what confidence is or how to have it. I used to be shy and quiet and depressed and down on myself and all sorts of bad stuff that was just getting in my way. Now I talk to people and stand tall with my head up and look people in the eye and smile. It just doesn't seem to help me any. The other day, one of my guy friends told me that he sees me as shy, quiet, nervous, and socially akward. I don't think I'm like that, and it kind of hurt my feelings because he was really grilling me about how I need to change the way I act and talk, etc.

I know people really don't make me nervous like they might have when I was younger (unless they invade my personal space) but perhaps that's how I come across. I also know that I'm much better with written communication than any other kind, and people have told me that I have an unattractive voice and they sometimes quit listening to me whenever I start talking.

Perhaps this is really my biggest problem - that I don't have a good voice and I'm not good at talking to people or communicating my thoughts and feelings through other means. There doesn't seem to be much I can really do about it. It sucks, but after examining everything, I'm starting to think now what's holding me back isn't my looks, but a combination of not being masculine enough, both physically and in my personality, and not seeming confident, socially well-adapted, and emotionally and mentally fit. Maybe also that I seem to spread this air of sexual inexperience that just scares the women away.

As for what I like to do and where I hang out, I really only go to class, stay in my room, or spend some time hanging with friends. I don't have the time or energy to do much else if I want to keep my scholarship and stay in college. Thus, my dating pool is limited only to the girls in my group of friends and the ones I have in classes, and I've already tried and failed with every available one that I was interested in.

Don't worry, I know what you are going through. I hope with the year that has passed by you are doing better in the dating scene. I wish you all luck as you might still need it. You are young! Don't loose hope!

Don't get too worried about it right now since you hit the nail on the head - you are in school for a purpose and spend a lot of time making sure you obtain your education.

I can relate since I barely dated in college also. I went to the Naval Academy and not a whole lot of girls around there to begin with. But more importantly I was completly focused on graduating high in my class (Mechanical Engineering) because I wanted choice of duty which was to become an aviator. So I barely dated anyone in college and once I graduated I immediately went to aviation school and after that was flying off of Aircraft Carriers for 5 years. And yes not too many women to choose from on a carrier. I met my wife when I was 26 and I found it was nice to date at that age since women start to mature after school and focus on substance vs looks. So my suggestion to you is just be yourself and have fun and focus on your degree at the moment. Once out of school and once in your career then you can spend more time looking for the perfect mate. You will have better luck with more mature women since they will recognize your personality rather than how you look. Try to improve the areas important to women who are looking for long term relationships. They want confidence, aspiring, mature, poised men that will be able to be a good responsible husband and father. Worked for me!!

Yo; try appealing to your friends for help. That's how I came across my current gf. Wow is she amazing. Who'd 've thunk that good looks and smarts could come together. Not trying to sound offensive. Just through the many potential girls. Smarts seemed to drop dramatically the hotter they became. That old advice of "just be your self" only takes one so far. But that's as far as you need to go. It irritated me to no end that the dumber guys got all of the girls. Yet the smarter ones just got as far as good friends. Your just not setting your sights high enough.

Again I can stress this enough. Talk to some of your best and closest friends. They'll benifit you more than just the ride from the bar on a drunken night.