I'm a 46 year old professional female and for the last 5 years I have had a male roommate with four children. He claims that he is in love with me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. However, he's not an affectionate person and he doesn't help me much around the house. He's always got something else to do, be it taking his kids somewhere, working on his vehicle, doing volunteer work and etc. I figure my place is about fourth right now on his totem pole of important (he would disagree).
An example of a week with him is as follows: Last Saturday - he went skiing (I don't have the strength to ski with him because I'm still recovering from surgery). He also is ski patrolling so he couldn't ski with me either. Sunday - Went Xmas shopping all day - didn't even ask me if I wanted to go. Monday - Worked all day and then spent the night doing Rescue Duty until 8:00 am on Tuesday morning. Tuesday - Took time off and went shopping with one of his children for Xmas. Wed - Worked all day and spent the night doing Rescue Duty until 9:00 am on Thur. Thur - In the evening, after he ate dinner he advised me he had more shopping to do and off he went. Fri - Xmas Eve - stayed up with the young people in our house and got totally messed up - played a drinking card game - ran around outside our house naked because he lost the game. Sat - was hung over and let me take care of cooking his dinner for his kids and mine and then clean up.
So my problem here.... I had planned on ending this relationship after the holidays. I'm tired of being the main bread winner, the cook and bottle washer. I get very little help from him and I certainly don't feel like the love of his life. So on Xmas day he presents me with a shot bottle of Tequila, Toby Keiths song "Stays in Mexico", a tanning certificate, a picture of a tranquil beach with pictures he'd made of us on the beach - and two airline tickets to Cancun...
Needless to say - after five years of cooking, cleaning and feeling unappreciated - I was totally floored - I couldn't talk and couldn't move, I was in shear panic, I've spent the last year planning my separation and have been going out with friends, eating many dinners alone and etc. preparing myself - I've even subscribed to two dating services to start over.
What would you do??? What should I do??? How do you handle this delicate situation. I had asked him to move two months ago and he just turned it off and told me that would be a mistake.
hello ms. crusin...welcome to the forums. so point blank...you're mind has already been made up. you've asked him to leave [two months ago] and all he says is "that would be a mistake" so is he really so sure of himself that he wont leave no matter how you feel??? then you should have shown him the door then, I hesatate to think that he has offered you a threat. as for the whole thing with what he is offering you now is to change you're feelings of it[the relationship] being over with "objects of desire"and doesn't see or understand the true desire that you need. just let someone with influence[authority] know about this threat if that is what it is...and if it was then he has no respect for you or the relationship. you need to be angry, not forgiving of anything that comes from him now. tell him... oops but he just offered the wrong responce to you're needs, and to cash the tickets in so he may use the money to move. goodluck. David.
