The evil Dr. UVB has a poor citizen in his clutches. Sickly rays of light stream from his eyes as the poor man writhes at his feet.

Then, from the distance comes a high pitched whine, like a tattoo machine only ten times stronger. It's the Ink Mobile! The highly colorful vehicle screeches to a halt as Ink Man and Tatboy jump out.

Dr. UVB: “Well, if it isn't Fink Man and Scatboy!”

Tatboy: “Holy PABA, Ink Man! Dr. UVB is burning that citizen to a crisp!”

Ink Man: “Never fear, Tatboy!”

He whips out a tube of SPF 30 and squeezes it liberally into Dr. UVB's eyes.

Dr. UVB: “Aaaarrrrrggghhh! Curse you, Ink Man!”

Ink Man turns and pours Aloe Vera gel onto the poor, injured citizen.

Citizen: “Thank you, Ink Man. I don't know what you would have done without you!”

Ink Man: “Just remember to always use a sunscreen with zinc oxide.”

Tatboy: “But what about Dr. UVB?”

Ink Man: “Oh, there won't be any tanning beds where he's going!”

smarti,

Your a novel goddess of ink! That was brilliant!
Soooo when does your next issue come out? Thinking you'll have to type a sequel!

smarti,

That is absolutly hilarious! Like tatqueen, I'd like to know when the next issue is coming out?

S,

What does Ink Man do when he's not a super hero? You know, kind of like Superman working at the newpaper.

Well duh, b, he has a little shop in South Beach! I'll have to see what inspiration hits at 4am tomorrow morning...

I'll be waiting.....

In a busy yet humble tattoo shop in South Beach, one artist humbly sits to the side, drawing. A younger man, his apprentice, humbly sweeps the floor. Suddenly, the door flings open and a police officer runs in.

Police Officer: Everybody, stay inside! There's a gang of scratchers on the loose!

The entire crowd gasps. The artist and his apprentice share a knowing look.

Police Officer: You're safe here, just don't leave!

He rushes out. In the ensuing hubbub, nobody notices the artist and apprentice are gone.

Meanwhile, downtown, a rabid gang of scratchers unleashes havoc on the city, breaking windows and kicking puppies. One spots a young woman cowering in a doorway. He grabs her and pulls her bodily into the street.

Scratcher: What'll it be sweetheart? Butterfly or fairy? MWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Suddenly, a high pitched whine, like the sound of a tattoo machine but ten times louder, splits the night. It's the Ink Mobile! The highly colorful vehicle screeches to a halt and Ink Man and Tatboy jump out.

Scratcher: Well, if it isn't Blinkman and Pratboy!

Ink Man: Unhand that woman!

Scratcher: Not until I scar her... for LIFE!

Ink Man and Tatboy spring into action. POW! WHAM! OUCH!

It's over in moments. The scratchers lie vanquished on the street, tied up with their own power cords.

Scratcher: Curse you, Ink Man!

Young Woman: Ink Man, how can I ever repay you?

Ink Man: Just remember always to check your artist's portfolio carefully.

A ringing sound comes from the Ink Mobile. Tatboy reaches in and grabs the Ink Phone.

Tatboy: Holy pigskin, Ink Man! There's trouble at the university. The whole starting line of the football team is being evicted from their dorm, just because they got their team mascot tattooed on their arms!

Young Woman: Who would do such a dastardly thing?

Ink Man: This can only be the work of one evil villain.

Tatboy: You don't mean...

Ink Man: Yes. The R.A.! Come Tatboy, we have work to do!

Smarti

()()()()() clapping hands ()()()()()

That was fantastic!! Another well writen ink story. I really hope that the boys from "Miami Ink" get to read this!

Loved how you put in a cliff hanger with the "R. A." bit.

smarti-thanks for the change and a great start today.can i have some of what you had for breakfast!

We can but try to please.

One hopes to see it illustrated someday!

wow the mod erased my post once again, love the censorship

We still love you, vinnie!

vinniedonuts,

earlier, they censored a phrase about "b$ngs" (in regards to what tommy chong was arrested for). And i had written it in code like that... Oh well. It's nice to know we're so edgy...

smarti

You ARE awesome. i see these pieces being acted out by the guys on the show (in costume of course) in between tattoos. It would add a lot to the show.

Inkman is Ami, and Tatboy is Yogi...obviously.

quote:

Originally posted by vinniedonuts:
wow the mod erased my post once again, love the censorship

Yup, mine too, but I saw that coming.

Keep it coming smarti22! you just made me hate my job a little less!

Wow, I'm glad you guys like it, I was just goofing around! (And I can't sell a screenplay... go figure...)

Misha - you KNOW those costumes will not include shirts...

quote:

Originally posted by smarti22:
Wow, I'm glad you guys like it, I was just goofing around! (And I can't sell a screenplay... go figure...)

Misha - you KNOW those costumes will not include shirts...

I've got 12 bucks on me!

But do you have a distribution deal, b?

quote:

Originally posted by smarti22:
But do you have a distribution deal, b?

Hang on, let me check.

No ma'am, I do not.

I just finished reading your brilliant short stories. No I don't have a distribution deal either, but if it helps I'll try to support you anyway I can.

***sniff*** You like me! You really like me!

Episode 3 is brewing.

Smarti,

----- as I'm passing a kleenex -----

Posting without you just wouldn't be the same.

Meanwhile, on the campus of the local university, a group of burly young men in matching jerseys, each with a small cartoon mascot freshly tattooed on his arm, huddle outside a dorm. The door is blocked by a lone figure.

His eyes are ringed with dark circles. His skin is pale and clammy. He slightly shakes from excessive caffeine intake. He is...THE R.A.!

The quarterback steps forward.

Quarterback: Dude, this is seriously uncool!

The R.A.: One more step and you’ll all be on academic probation! That’ll end your NFL hopes real quick! MWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Suddenly, a high pitched whine, like the sound of a tattoo machine but ten times louder, fills the air. It's the Ink Mobile! The highly colorful vehicle screeches to a halt and Ink Man and Tatboy jump out.

The R.A.: Well, if it isn’t Stinkman and Flatboy!

Inkman: Step aside, R.A., you can’t keep these boys out of housing they’ve rightfully paid for.

The R.A.: This institution has a reputation to uphold. You can’t have open bottles in the hall, and you can’t have any tattoos!

Tatboy: Holy First Amendment, Ink Man! What do we do now?

Ink Man: Never fear, Tatboy, I came prepared.

Ink Man whips out a copy of the United States Constitution, the Brown vs. Board of Education decision, and the 1964 Civil Rights act.

Ink Man: Shall I start reading?

The R. A. claps his hands over his ears and runs screaming into the night.

The R.A.: Curse you, Ink Man!

The football team lets loose a hearty cheer.

Quarterback: Thanks, Ink Man, you totally rock!

Ink Man: Just remember, nobody can legally discriminate against you because of what you do with your skin, even if it is a bit cheesy.

And I guess that's it.

Awesome job! Keep em coming man!

Love it Smarti!

Good stuff, keep it up.

*Smarti*, you bloody rock!

I'm running out of insults which rhyme with "ink"...

I'm sure you'll come up with something.

That ABSOLUTELY ROCKED! You definately made my night!!! Can't wait to read more!!!

Smarti you ROCK!!!

Oh dear, the pressure, the PRESSURE!

we all have faith in ya

Have you thought of writing parts for all of the guys, and kat, also? In equally skimpy costumes, of course. Er...i'm a visual person... ( btw, i meant skimpy for the guys, natch ...) just a thought. Er, no pressure or anything.

oops now i'm thinking that's too much pressure. really, no pressure. none. whatsoever.

The Chief of Police stands before the Mayor’s desk, holding out a crisply folded piece of paper.

Chief: It doesn’t look good.

They Mayor takes the paper and reads it. His face falls.

Mayor: This can only be the work of the Corporate Mind Set. You’d better light the Ink Signal.

Meanwhile, against the skyline, a bright searchlight pierces the night. It takes the shape of a jumping koi fish.

Meanwhile, downtown, in a conference room atop a glass skyscraper, the Corporate Mind Set have gathered. They are a dozen men, their thuggery thinly veiled by their Armani suits. At the head of the table stands the most evil thug of all, Judge Mental. He holds a cut glass carafe full of bright blue liquid.

Judge Mental: Gentlemen, our plan is about to unfold. We have placed a powerful hallucinogen in every bottle of tattoo ink in the city, and I’ve got the only antidote. Unless the city meets our demands, every citizen who wishes to express him or herself on his or her skin will be UNDER OUR CONTROL!

Suddenly, a high pitched whine, like the sound of a tattoo machine but ten times louder, rises from the street. It's the Ink Mobile! The conference room doors fly open, Ink Man and Tatboy storm inside.

Ink Man: Hand over that antidote, Judge Mental!

Judge Mental: Well, if it isn’t Zincman and Bratboy!

Ink Man: Zincman?

Judge Mental: I have an evil plan to manage here, it’s the best I could do!

Ink Man: We’re about to send your evil plan to the shredder!

Ink Man and Tatboy spring into action. ZAP! WHOOP! GOLLY!

It's over in moments. The Corporate Mind Set lie vanquished on the floor, tied up with their own power ties. But the evil mastermind has escaped the melee.

Tatboy: Judge Mental is getting away! And he’s taking the antidote with him!

Judge Mental: You’ll never stop me, Ink Man, never! MWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Suddenly, the door flings open again. There is the snap of a whip, the squeak of latex, and a smoky, sultry, feminine voice.

Feminine Voice: Never send a man to do a woman’s job.

And she’s ALL woman, from the crown of her flowing raven locks to the tips of her midnight black stilettos.

Tatboy: Holy pheromones, Ink Man, it’s the Portrait Avenger!

Portrait Avenger: Well, Judge Mental, why don’t you hand down your opinion on this?

Judge Mental gapes unabashedly.

Judge Mental: You are totally hot!

It takes but one snap of her whip to render him immobile, and wrest the antidote from his grasp.

Portrait Avenger: That’s no way to speak to a lady.

She saunters over to Ink Man and hands him the antidote.

Ink Man: Thanks for your help, Portrait Avenger. We always appreciate the quality of your work.

Portrait Avenger: Glad I could help.

She silently melts into the night. Tatboy gapes after her.

Tatboy: Wow!

Ink Man whacks him upside the head.

Ink Man: Put your eyeballs back in, Tatboy. You’ll need them for our constant vigilance!

Your best work yet. I absoluty love it.
Really, WOW.

geez, Smarti, i'm speechless. this is completely grade A. You should email it to Kat. She's a natural superhero.

Oh, misha, I'm WAAAAAY too shy to do that! Maybe jorjie can pass it on for me.

smarti,

Just settled the children into bed. When I realized I had forgotten to rent "Monster in law". So I decided to check in on the forum. Making that the fifth time today! LOL You made my evening with yet again a wonderous read. Cheers!!

~~~~~~holding Diet7up toasting the monitor~~~~~~

Let me think... ink... drink... pink... yeah, I'm gonna have to think about this one....

Smarti,

Trying to send you inky vibes ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Did it work? LOL

Meanwhile, downtown, a humble young waitress is hard at work. She hoists platters of hearty fare throughout the restaurant full of humble, hard working citizens. As she bends to place a plate before a happy family, the back of her shirt lifts slightly, revealing the patch of ink on her lower back.

Suddenly, a man appears as from nowhere. Before the waitress can react, the sleazy, slimy man places his hand on her person. He shrieks maniacally.

Sleazy, slimy man: I touch! I touch! I touch!

The waitress screams. The man runs about the restaurant, touching every tattoo he spies. A citizen springs to his feet.

Citizen: Good heavens! It’s Touché Fillay! If only Ink Man were here!

Suddenly, a high pitched whine, like the sound of a tattoo machine but ten times louder, floats through the windows. It's the Ink Mobile! Ink Man and Tatboy fling the doors open. Touché Fillay looks up from the behind the large biker he has pinned against a table.

Touché Fillay: Vell, if eet isn’t Steenkman and Flatboy!

Ink Man: We’ve already heard those.

Touché Fillay: Oui, but not viz ze accent!

Ink Man: Unhand that citizen, Touché Fillay!

Touché Fillay: I vill touch! I vill touch ze tattooz if ze people vant eet or not! You cannot stop me, MWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

He runs his dirty hands over the helpless biker’s full sleeve.

Tatboy: Holy disinfectant, Ink Man, his hands are filthy!

Ink Man: Come, Tatboy, it’s time to mop up!

Ink Man and Tatboy spring into action. LATHER! RINSE! REPEAT!

It's over in moments. Touché Fillay lies vanquished on the floor, his shiny, germ-free hands wrapped in plastic.

Touché Fillay: Curse vous, Eenk Man!

The waitress steps forward.

Waitress: Thank you, Ink Man. That guy is totally creepy!

Ink Man: It’s all in a day's work for the janitors of Justice!

OMG smarti! I nearly dribbled I laughed so much. You seriously have to find an artist to start drawing these and then get a website all your own. These are amazingly good and I can't wait for the next installment.

I nearly plotzed when I got to the "LATHER, RINSE, REPEAT"! I almost fell off my chair.

Yeah, I am particularly proud of that bit!

smarti ... your stories are brilliantly funny! Keep up the wonderful work. Just pulling out the rhyming dictionary ... let me see ... aha, here we go:

blink, brink, clink, drink, fink, jink, kink, mink, pink, plink, rink, shrink, sink, slink, stink, sync, think, wink, and zinc

... and those are just the single syllable words. Left out a few for fear of the post getting deleted. Hope that helps you a wee bit.

"Suddenly, a high pitched whine, like the sound of a tattoo machine but ten times louder, floats through the windows."

Bravo Bravo Your such a sorceress with words! For some reason whenever I read that part it completely cracks me up! LOL Smarti, Smarti what would this forum do without you and your brilliant stories!