A young woman, we’ll call her Beth, sits on a park bench, reading a book. She has a tasteful anklet tattooed on one shapely leg. An older woman approaches, pushing a deceptively small shopping trolley. She sits next to Beth.
Older woman: Excuse me, dear, do you mind if I rest my weary legs and sit a spell?
Beth: Of course not. Have a seat.
Older woman: What’s that you’re reading, dearie?
Beth: Applied Astrophysics. I’m working on my Master’s thesis.
Older woman: Oh, how interesting. Er, excuse me, I couldn’t help noticing that you have a tattoo.
Beth: Yes, I got it when I was an undergrad.
Older woman: Oh, dear. I bet you regret that.
Beth: No, actually I really like it. I’m thinking of getting another one when I graduate.
Older woman: But I suppose your boyfriend doesn’t like it.
Beth: Well, I’m married, and my husband has several himself.
Older woman: Hmmm. Too bad you won’t be able to get a decent job with that.
Beth sighs with increasing indignation.
Beth: Well, ma’am, not that it’s any of your business, but when I interned at NASA, they really didn’t care. Besides, I can cover it when I want to.
The older woman is quiet for a moment. Then:
Older woman: I’m sure your mother has called you a tramp on several occasions.
Beth throws down her book.
Beth: Listen lady, your antiquated ideas went out with the slide rule. Tattoos are becoming more accepted every day, particularly on women. And it’s none of your business anyway!
The older woman’s demeanor changes dramatically.
Older Woman: I’m making it my business!
With surprising swiftness, she reaches down and grabs Beth’s ankle.
Beth: Hey! Let me go!
She struggles, but the older woman clings with remarkable strength. With her free hand, the older woman flings the cover off her shopping trolley to reveal an IPL laser, complete with power pack!
Beth: Good heavens! You’re the Banishing Biddy!
Banishing Biddy: That’s right! And I’m taking this thing off right now!
Beth: Ink Man, help!
Suddenly, a high pitched whine, like the sound of a tattoo machine but ten times louder, splits the air. It’s the Ink Mobile! Ink Man and Tatboy spring out.
Ink Man: Unhand that citizen, Banishing Biddy!
Banishing Biddy: And what if I don’t? Are you going to hit a poor defenseless old woman?
Ink Man: You’re about as defenseless as a cornered hyena.
Banishing Biddy: Yes, but the Senior Advocacy Group doesn’t know that! They’ll sue your pants off!
Tatboy: Holy Ensure, Ink Man! She’s got us over a barrel!
Ink Man: Don’t give up so fast, Tatboy.
He turns to where a group of boy scouts sit carving model cars out of balsa wood.
Ink Man: Boys! This woman needs help crossing the street!
The boy scouts spring into action! They swarm around the Banishing Biddy, lifting her off the bench and carrying her away!
Banishing Biddy: Curse you, Ink Man!
Beth: Thank you, Ink Man, I don’t know what I would have done without you!
Ink Man: Just remember, while some people may chose to have their tattoos removed, only you can decide what’s right for your lifestyle!
~Smarti22! Cute stuff, this thread is a riot and a half! Keep it going.
~Schmeckel~I may be new here but i have to ask....What on earth would possess a man (most assumably) to take the screen name "schmeckel"....inquiring shiksas need to know...lol...
Meanwhile, at City Hall, Ink Man and Tatboy are deep in conversation with the Mayor and the Chief of Police.
Chief: We can’t figure out where it’s coming from, Ink Man. We’ve tested every batch of tattoo ink in the city and nothing’s wrong with it.
Mayor: Yet there’s a massive outbreak of skin reactions in every new tattoo! It’s mind boggling!
Ink Man: Perhaps, your honor, you’re looking in the wrong place. If the ink is untainted, the infection is probably coming from somewhere else.
Mayor: But where?
Tatboy: You can’t mean the aftercare products, can you?
Suddenly, the door to the Mayor’s office flings open. A woman steps in! She has a seductive smile and glimmering eyes.
Woman: That’s right, Zitboy. You got it in one.
Chief: Hey! How did you get past security?
She gives a mesmerizing laugh.
Woman: Oh, your boys in blue were no match for me. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Creamy Linimental. I believe you met my sister. When you arrested her!
Suddenly, she sprouts an extra arm! And another! And another! And yet another!
Tatboy: Holy doppelganger, Ink Man! It’s The Unguenator’s twin!
Creamy Linimental: Oh, you are a smart boy. That must be how you figured out that I’ve made a little alteration to every bottle, tube and pot of ointment in the city.
Chief: That sounds like a confession to me!
He steps forward, but before he can react, her several arms sinuously entwine him. He slumps in her hypnotic grasp. Ink Man and Tatboy start to spring into action! She holds up one of her hands.
Creamy Linimental: Not another step, or the Chief gets it!
They freeze. She slips out the door and into the night.
Mayor: Good heavens! What do we do now?
Ink Man: Don’t worry, Mayor. She won’t hurt the Chief, not while we have her sister behind bars.
Mayor: Very well, but what about the citizens?
Tatboy: That’s right, Ink Man. Shouldn’t we deal with the infected ointments first?
Ink Man: Correct! To the Tat Cave!
Meanwhile, the Ink Mobile pulls into the Tat Cave. The walls are hewn from rough stone, but they’re lined with state of the art electronics. Ink Man and Tatboy spring from the Ink Mobile, each holding several samples of lotions and ointments.
Ink Man: Come, Tatboy. We’ll run these samples through the Tat Mass Spectrometer. It will tell us the exact nature of the contaminant.
They spring into action! It takes mere moments for the machine to spit out an analysis. Tatboy examines the results.
Tatboy: Holy precipitant, Ink Man! Where could anyone concoct such a dastardly solution?
Ink Man: According to the trusty Inkputer, there’s only one place in the city someone could get their hands on large enough amounts of these chemicals.
Tatboy: Not the abandoned power plant?
Ink Man: It couldn’t be anywhere else. To the Ink Mobile!
The familiar a high pitched whine, like a tattoo machine only ten times stronger, splits the night as they rush out.
Meanwhile, at the abandoned power plant, Creamy Linimental has the Chief tied to a chair. She stirs a huge vat of bubbling gelatinous fluid.
Creamy Linimental: Sit tight, Chief. I’m just brewing up a fresh pot of my special recipe. Then you’ll find out how truly irritating I can be! MWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Suddenly, Ink Man and Tatboy spring through the rusted door!
Creamy Linimental: So, Dank Man and Zitboy located my secret lair!
Ink Man: We’ve already replaced all your contaminated product.
Creamy Linimental: Too bad you’re too late to stop this new batch.
Ink Man: Too bad we know your brew is water soluble, Creamy!
Ink Man and Tatboy spring into action!
SQUEEZE! RUB! WIPE OFF THE EXCESS!
It’s over in moments. Creamy Linimental lies vanquished among her own test tubes.
Creamy Linimental: Curse you Ink Man!
Tatboy rushes over to untie the Chief.
Chief: Thank you, Ink Man! I don’t know what you would have done without you. She casts such a mysterious spell!
Ink Man: We’re prepared to soothe even the roughest situation!
This message has been edited. Last edited by: smarti22,
After reading these for awhile, I finally had to log on and say...."You are HILARIOUS!!!!" You should write slash fic...heehee! I'm 34 and a night person....this is a perfect site to click on during the night for a little laugh. Oh, I agree with you about schmeckel. He sounds (ummm reads?) like a sweetie!
Hello ladytat2, Yes, sweetie, you are right on both accounts. Very original....huh! That's what I get for not sleeping. At least, that's going to be my excuse. It won't let me change my log in name while I'm using the same e-mail address. Isn't that just wonderful! HeeHee
so smarti i love this stuff. its great, but have you ever tought of inkman having an alter ego?? like angryink boy? just think or like an evil twin?? i would love to hear more about mr. satisfatcion(sp)keep it up girl!!!
hey smarti lookin to see some new stuff. got a little idea for a new villan, no name but b/c all these punks keeps asking i love the tat so-n-so did can u tell me where i can get a pic cuz i want the same one, hehehe. UGH why why people, is it so hard to be orignal. sorry to get ugly smarti its not you its me, snif snif, these peeps are stessing me, must think happy thoughts, ommmmmmm garver ok im good. oh love the my space pic, yep gravers dream girl..
hey smarti i was playing around and i have come up with soe rough sketches of inkman and tat boy, any idea on how to load them to share? or give me some ideas of how you think they should look. i just think we needed some pics to go with our stories. you rock girl!!!!
Originally posted by toxicturtle23: hey smarti lookin to see some new stuff. got a little idea for a new villan, no name but b/c all these punks keeps asking "i love the tat so-n-so did can u tell me where i can get a pic cuz i want the same one," hehehe...
What about 'the copy tat'? like the copy cat? She mystifies her victims with her feline prowess and deviously steals thier original ideas only to turn thier art into common flash....or was that one already used?... sorry, i'm not the creative one........but we know who is....*cough**smarti**cough*...
LMAO!!!! It's been far too long since I was last here. Banishing Biddy, Boy Scouts, tramps... LOVE IT!!!! Smarti, your stories are great; horrible to have around when trying to do work, but great otherwise.
The front door of a humble tattoo shop in South Beach swings open, and a familiar young girl storms inside. One of the artists steps up to the front desk.
Artist #1: Can I help you?
The girl slams a copy of a tabloid magazine down onto the desk. It’s open to a photograph of a popular starlet.
Girl: I want the exact same tattoo she has.
The artists all share a glance. Two of them step up to the desk. The third and his apprentice slip unnoticed out the back door.
Artist #2: Um, are you 18?
The girl bristles.
Girl: Yes.
Artist #1: You don’t look 18, do you have any ID?
Girl: What difference does it make? I have the money and I want this tattoo! I want it! I want it! I want it!
Artist #3: Yeah, that’s a custom piece, done by a rather famous artist in New York. I mean, it’s one thing to buy somebody’s flash, but copying a custom piece is kinda uncool.
Girl: BUT I WANT THE EXACT SAME TATTOO I SAW ON TV! I want it! I want it! I want it!
Just then, from the darkness comes a high pitched whine, like a tattoo machine only ten times stronger. It's the Ink Mobile! Ink Man and Tatboy spring through the door.
Artist #2: Ink Man! Thank goodness you’re here! This girl wants us to copy somebody else’s custom piece.
Ink Man: Young citizen, I bet you thought I wouldn’t remember you. First, you really should wait a few more years, and then you should get a tattoo that reflects who you are, not some famous actress.
Girl: Oh, WHAT is the big deal! I want it just like this one!
Ink Man: You’re asking these men to compromise their artistic integrity. And you’re buying into the mass infotainment brainwashing, do you want to be a lemming all your life?
Girl: Well… I mean... but, I want it! I want it! I want it!
Artist #1: Okay, look. You think this is the coolest thing right now. But in a few years, when this actress has been in and out of rehab a couple times, do you really want to be associated with her? And once you get to college, trust me, those people will NOT think you’re cool because you copied someone.
Artist #2: Not to mention the fact that it’s just plain theft.
Artist #3: Not to mention the fact that you’re not a day over 15.
The girl gives a heavy sigh.
Girl: I guess you’re right. When I’m a few years older, I’ll be much more capable of making a decision about something as permanent as a tattoo.
Ink Man: That’s right. Just remember, plagiarism is not cool!
but your doing great on this one!!
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