Dear Mike, First, let me say I am in awe of your enthusiasm to dive into every “bog of eternal stench” (Movie: Labyrinth) you can find. It’s safe to say I’ve never done any of the jobs featured on your show nor do I ever want to but it’s been a joy to watch. Lately however, I have been living a dirty job of my own and have gained a unique and deeper appreciation for what you “doo. “ Let me explain…
Recently I adopted two puppies. Prior to their arrival I enthusiastically did what every new parent does to prepare for the big day. I joyfully picked out names and spent way too much time and money on beds, collars, toys and food. Finally the big day arrived and I discovered their faces are more amazing than I imagined them to be. I was instantly hooked.
Since that joyful day I have discovered they run at the speed of light and play so rough they have to fall and roll like seasoned stuntmen to survive. Their favorite things to chew are not the toys I spent way too much money on but the rug, my toes, my fingers, my nose and my hair. This list is only what they find inside the house, every time we go for a walk I am forced to pry previously chewed gum, bugs (dead and alive) and other smelly trash from their mouths (at least they know how to “just say no” by refusing the tobacco items). Then there’s the poo…
Sure, it’s very common for puppies to eats poo, mine however don’t bother with letting it hit the ground. They stand behind each other and eat the poo as it’s coming out. So if I’m not there holding and catching (i.e. attempting to hold one back while catching the others puppies poo) it’s a regular smorgie for the monsters (she says with true affection for her puppies). If I’m lucky I have a bag in hand to catch the poo if not my job is extra dirty. Every once in awhile poo temporarily escapes their notice and makes it to the ground for me to pick up…IF I can get there first. You see, they’ve learned what the bags are for and begin searching for the contraband. With the race on it’s my dirty job to beat them to the poo. Sometimes I win, but when I lose I’m forced to engage in a high-speed chase through the yard and townhouse to dig it out of their mouth (sharp baby teeth and all). It may be a modest home but the monsters have amazing speed and agility making it very difficult to complete the task. Luckily, they’re only four months old and lack the experience to elude capture for too long.
In conclusion, I am very sure my dirty job is not a candidate for your show but as a fellow dirty job veteran I thought I’d share a little insight: at least you get to go home at the end of the day.
Sincerely, Glenda (human), B’Elanna and K’Eyhlar (the monsters)
