This dirty job story is actually my Dad's story. He's blind now and never learned to type, so he gave me his blessing to tell this 'sad' tale. (Hyuck, chortle, and guffaw!)

He was in the army back in the 1950's, and he and his land-locked unit (based in Central Texas) became stationed in Alaska. They traveled by ship and the first day out, they were given orders to "claim" a part of the ship--meaning they were to be responsible for the cleaning and maintenance of said area for the duration of the crossing.

While the other soldiers were swabbing decks (whatever that is) and performing other repetitive and arduous chores, my Dad and three of his friends set up a card table at the bottom of a spiral staircase. Their job was to keep this staircase free of obstructions (including dirt presumably).

It only took about 10 minutes for the four men to mop and polish the staircase, and they would spend the rest of the day playing poker. You can imagine how popular they were with their shipmates, and they should have known something was up when the officers would smile knowingly at my Dad and his friends.

Their life of leisure ended after two days. They hit rough water, and the ship began to rattle and shake like a maraca...

...and the staircase (can you guess) was the main means of exodus for seasick soldiers to make it to the top (where they could conveniently 'toss their cookies' over the railing).

Many of these unfortunates never made it to the top, and the spiral staircase became covered in vomit (or 'un-poo' as I like to call it because it comes out the opposite end of poo).

Because the staircase was a spiral one, the vomit would ooze and drip from the top to the bottom. For that reason, my Dad and his unfortunate compatriots had to trudge through the vomit to reach the top, working on their knees down the staircase, their uniforms becoming sodden with you-know-what.

The officers would then bark at them, "What's the matter with you, soldier? Don't you know how to keep a uniform? Give me fifty--no, you can do it right there! Move it!"

My Dad remembers hearing the officers howl with laughter as they would disappear from view.