I have been with my fiance for awhile now. We are getting married in October. I love him to death and I know that he is the one that I want to be with forever, there is just one problem. He has trouble communicating with me and fixing our problems. He doesnt like to talk things out. He is a very shy person and I understand that, but when he just sits there and ignores me and doesnt help fix things, it just makes me mad. I have told him that it is important that we talk and he still doesnt! Please help me!!!
You would never guess it but communication issues are normally the #1 reason why marriages struggle and sometimes fail. A marriage must be built on a solid ground of open and effective communication. If you think it is a problem right now it will get much worse over time. So my point here is you better get your problem worked out before you actually marry him or else expect lots of fireworks later on down the line.
From what you wrote it is clear that the problem lies with the fact your fiance does not have the natural personality which makes it easy for him to open up to you and have good honest and open communication. But one thing in life he must understand is that he must force himself to communicate with you that is to your satisfaction and good for your relationship. If he refuses then he really needs to ask himself if he is mature enough to handle the responsibility of marriage.
He needs to understand that good communication is the key to a great marriage. I too was somewhat like him. I have always been the macho type. When I met my wife I was a fighter pilot in the Navy and certainly had the "tough guy" mentality. I was always the type of guy never to show my feelings and would never open up to anyone as that was not "macho" and I always figured I would work all my problems out myself. Well after 5 years of marriage I was bottling up a lot of emotions and feelings never wanting to discuss them with the wife out of fear that I would not be the macho guy that I really wanted her to believe I was. One night while we were talking in bed I started to let it out and boom - I blew up and cried my eyes out to her. I let it all out and she held me tight and listened to everything I said and re-assured me she loved me and would always be there for me. That night was a huge bonding moment for my marriage and ever since it has been great since we both communicate with each other very effectively. Today is our 14th anneversary and we are going as strong as ever.
Hi all. I agree whole heartedly with nunnzie. Good communication is essential if it is to work out in the long run. I know from my own personal experience. My marraige of 15 years ended two years ago due largely to poor communication. My ex is a school teacher and could talk the ears off a deaf person on regular basis. But discus anything related to our relationship, NO WAY. We would have a disagreement and instead of try to get to the bottom of it and solve the problem she simply wanted it to go away and refused to talk any further. The problem never got resolved and festered in her mind until she couldn't take anymore. I got blindsided one day with a whole list of things she couldn't live with followed by a request for a divorce. She had no answer when I asked why she didn't bring these things up as they occured to give us a chance to work on them. I had no chance what so ever to try and change or fix anything. She wouldn't even go to counseling. She prefered to sit and watch it fail rather then address any of the issues. So my advice is no matter what you do find someway to communicate. This is paramount to the survival of your relationship. Good luck.
I am greatful because my man was willing to get help with his problems. He would get angry quickly, apologize fast and expect things to be fine. The damage had already been done. We found out that he has severe anxiety and has gotten medication to help with that. Perhaps talking with a professional could help. Your significant other may think that hurting you or rocking the boat would do more damage than talking but it sounds like that is not working. Have you tried the good ole "I feel" statements?
