Ok. So here's the long story. I am really hoping for some unbiased opinions, so please bear with the long story. I am 20, he is 23. We have been dating for about a year and 4 months or so. It was pretty great in the beginning. No specific problems to mention. After being together for a little over a month, i found out that he tried to contact one of his ex-es while out of town, looking for sex (i was having serious menstruation problems, and we hadn't had sex in over a month). We talked about it, but eventually, I forgave him. After that, things were great. We were joined at the hip, and that might be one problem... A few months later, he told me that he had kissed another girl, while i was in his bed sleeping! I should mention that he is emotional, and every time something like this happened, he would cry and say things that made me feel like we needed each other. I should have probably got out then.... Since then, i've came to realize the following: he doesn't agree with my family, would rather not go to my parent's house with me (most of the time), talks about my family in demeaning ways, treats me like an unequal (I'm on the lower end), doesn't understand what i say and think, and doesn't want to, he has an extremely short temper (i'll explain this), can't just "suck it up" on a lot of issues (hanging out with my friends), is physically abusive, and the list goes on. He has bruised me (not majorly) twisted and contorted my extremities, gosh, i don't know what else. He always has to win, at everything, and if he doesn't, then he gets pissed (sorry for lack of better terms). If he doesn't understand something that i say, and i don't inform him of exactly how it is asap, he gets pissed. He also thinks that he knows EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING! and it's extremely annoying. When we can't have sex over an extended amount of time (women problems), he gets mad at ME! like i can do something to solve it. But, he is thoughtful when it comes to me and my needs (most of the time). He is unemployed, and when i come home from work, he does have dinner made. He is a wonderful father to our 1 year old CAT. He says my problems are his problems. (but sometimes, he blames me for making something difficult. I don't ask him to care so much, but he does). Oh, and he loves me oh so much. He has fit me into his life in every way possible, and i love it. I love his mom, his aunts and uncle, his brother, all of them. We are planning on moving to Arizona (we currently live in Michigan)in a few months for him to attend a specific college. Now me... Over the year, i have lost myself. and i think about this in my point of view, and fell like i need space... need to find me again.. but from his point of view, he thinks that i don't respect him (he doesn't respect me, so why should i... 2 wrongs don't make a right, right?) Until recently, i had lost all connections to everyone! I have taken up all of his hobbies, and i don't even know what mine are! I had a fall out with a friend that i was living with, and so we left the apartment, leaving me with nowhere to go.. so i moved in with him, with 2 sloppy roommates. He has to share things that are important to him, like this computer, and sleeping space on the bed. I try to be helpful, but to him, it's the opposite. I try to be caring and talk, but it just seems to him that i'm doing the opposite (i ask how the bike is going, and he thinks that i'm trying to rush him, tell him to hurry up) He used to smoke lots of weed.. but since he is going to be going to college really soon, he has quit (which makes him worse!) So... I keep holding onto this small thread of hope that once we get out of this place, and into the apartment in Arizona, where he is enjoying his college education (he absolutely loves motorcycles, and he is going to school to be a mechanic) that things will be better. He will be calmer and we won't be together every second humanly possible... I had fallen into this sort of depression a few months ago. we were always fighting, and i was always crying, and trying to run away from this whole situation.. so i started to take medication, and have finally got off of it, and am ready to fix everything. I constantly tell him to "calm down".. i asked him to talk to his doctor about it next time he went in, and he told the dr that he has a short temper, but the dr didn't seem to want to help in any way. He is also against taking meds for behavioral reasons (i had to sneak mine)... My friend that i am talking to again, is worried about me. I have gone to her place crying, carrying my kitty, at 10 at night before... called her crying, expressed my feelings of being not understood. She feels like i can do better... I don't want to live without him. At the end of the day, i love falling asleep on his chest, knowing that he'll be there when i wake. ready to take on the day with a warm "good morning honey".. heck, the other day i woke up to him dressed and with a hat on, i asked where he was going, and he handed me a shamrock shake (i haven't been feeling all that great, and i expressed my want of one the night before). It's things like that... that make me love him soo much. I don't want to go back to finding someone else. I have been the "fat girl" since i can remember... always asking myself, doesn't anyone like chubby girls? big girls need love too! dont mean boys need some help in the love department? i have lots of patience... i want to help him love me better. I want to love a mean boy... but turn him "nicer"... if i can't, then who can?! CAN ANYONE HELP ME?!
This message has been edited. Last edited by: mod_kelly,
Hate to burst your bubble here but I have to tell you your man won't change anytime soon - or most likely ever. One of the things that we do as we mature and gain wisdom is learn that personality traits are hardly ever changed - i.e. we can't change people. It's something we all think we can do and for the most part we all fail along the way.
Should you stay with this guy? Are you kidding me? Just read your post. This guy is a real mess and you should cut your losses now and get on with life as fast as possible. This guy has abusive tendencies, does dope, is umemployed, lives like a slob, treats you with disrespect, hates your family, has no care about your physical issues,is causing you mental pains, is selfish - shall I go on? Only thing you mentioned positive about him is that he accepts you as a fat person and is a good dad to your cat. Get real here and raise yourself above the smoke screen that is keeping you from seeing the truth of the situation.
If you are not convinced to dump this guy now then just understand that the things you don't like now will get worse. Just go speak to a woman who was in an abusive marriage. She will tell you that when they were dating he would loose his temper and get a little rough with her. As time went on the roughness increased to hitting then to beating then to life threatening. He is just wired this way and he will never change.
