I dated my xbf for almost 3 years. We have broken up twice and this past christmas broke up again. The first time we broke up it was a joint decsion. The second time i caught him out at the bar getting a phone number. I started questioning everything he did and he would blame his actions on his friends. I started to hate his friends and they equally thought i was crazy. So we decided that it would be best to break up. 2 months later I start call him again and here we were back together. This past christmas he started to lie to me about stupid thing like going to the gym and hanging out with his friends. He moved in with a guy 10 years older than him and acts like he is 18. I have no respect for this guy and hate him living there. I decide a month ago that i needed to get out of this relationship so i brokeup with him. Each time we break up i feel like im doing the right thing until a few months go by and then I start calling him again. This past break up was all me. I completly cut it off with him. I started dating this new guy and he really is everything i wanted but i cant get my old boyfriend out of my mind. I started calling him again. He want to work things out. Its aways me calling him. I feel embarsed to get back together with him. My family knows everything and hates him. I loved his family and they loved me but I feel like our relationship is a joke. He wants to get back together and so do I. I really miss him and love him but To tell everyone that im back with him after everything that happen i feel stupid. He says I shouldnt care what other people think but I do. Im so confused and dont know what to do. I cant get out of this pattern.
You need to get yourself out of this trap. I've been in one before... and it never turns out good. I suggest you try your hardest to not call him back. Maybe delete his number? (Hoping you don't have it memorized).. There really isn't anything to do but having self control. It seems as though he doesn't need you until you call him. Do yourself a favor and control your need to call him! Eventually he should go off your mind. But a guy like him is not somebody you want to keep around.
You need to just quit giving into your desires to go back to this guy.
Yes I know you have an internal impulse to let him back into your life but use some simple logic here.
1) He has continuously shown to you that he is immature and has no desire or plan to change - which means more of the same from him if you go back.
2) You will be wasting valuable time in your life in finding "Mr Right" if you keep wasting it on the bum.
3) Your family hates him and will always be suspicious of him if you get back together.
4) You have proven that you can attract good guys and they are interested in you - so don't mess that up.
Just ignore the desires to go back to this bum and focus your attention on the new men in your life. Believe me over time the desire to go back to the bum will reduce and you will eventually look back and wonder why you ever went back to him the first time.
jannag I agree, drop this guy. He is untrustworthy to say the least. There are other guys out there that are better for you. It will just take some time to find one and realize how much more reliable a good person can be. Have faith and confidence in yourself. When you've found that person you'll look back and be glad you made the choice you did. The hard part will be letting go and staying away. Just go cold turkey, you'll be glad you did. Some people just seem to be attracted to people that are bad for them. It's hard to explain why this is. I have a family friend who is now on her 4th marraige. Each time she was married it was to an abusive alchoholic. She dated nice guys in between but broke off those relationships. Go figure.
