In 2003 I was diagnosed with breast cancer, had a mastectomy on the left side, had 6 months of chemo, then had a mastectomy on the right side, then lots of reconstructive surgery. This past Jan, i was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, not breast cancer that had metastacized but a different kind of cancer. Now I have no breasts and no ovaries, uterus or anything else female. Its not sexy and there are lots of times that it really gets me down (the am I still really a girl feeling).
Missey- you are very much still a girl! I'm 40 years old, and I have just undergone in the last 3 weeks a mastectomy too. Although not the same situation, I am awaiting the genetic testing that will determine whether my ovaries should come out as well. I don't know whether you are someone who wanted or needed to have children in your life or not, but I am. It's devastating to me to think at 40 I have not had children, very much want to have them, and may not be able to. I've wanted nothing more since I was young. Even if I don't have the mutation, my eggs at 40 are most likely not going to survive chemo, and if they do the tamoxofin will throw me into early menopause. It's just not the card I was dealt, and I'm hoping to take this opportunity to adopt a child in the future that is in great need of a parent. My sister has living proof of what a beautiful thing adoption is.
Being a woman is about being beautiful on the inside as well as the ouside. You mentioned reconstruction. I haven't started mine yet, but I'm really looking forward to getting back something that resembles what I lost. I too felt that I lost such a piece of being a woman. My grandmother who had breast cancer as well, didn't have that opportunity years ago to have reconstruction. I think, how wonderful medicine and plastic surgery is today that I can even have that option.
I do hope you have a great support group around you to help you through those thoughts. Meet some others your age, or who have similar feelings. It may help. No one has the same situation, and that was hard for me to swallow. I felt like no one can feel how bad I feel right now. I found great comfort knowing I am in no way alone in this. I'm learning to lower my expectations of how I should feel, I get angry when I need to, sad when I need to, and have really good days too.
I wish for you, brighter days ahead, and know that there will be more people joining here to share their stories. We will all get through whatever we've been dealt together, if you so choose, and what a gift to be able to share through the internet on an instant gratification tool.
I had cancer several years ago..(10) a very rare type (too long to type) I am fine now. I know the fear that just that "word" puts in you. I try not to use it as my mantra now. I just, well, live.... I am so glad that each of you are well and living in this moment. Just like the dear lady b4 me said. We can't change the cards we have been dealt. She has a great outlook. I have had a hysterectomy and I still feel pretty sexy...(My hubby thinks I am) I'm sure you are too....Sexiness is really all a mind and confidence thing.. You go girl.. Think yourself Sexy..
I had leukemia 17 years ago and its kind of hard for 22 year old cancer survivor to feel sexy when the men your age stare at you because you "walk funny". I could go through menopause early and I'm worried that I won't the right guy in time for me to have children. I'm hoping the show will give me some hope that getting married and having children is possible for someone like me.
Sorry ladies. I was (obviously!!!) having a bad day when I wrote this. Thanks bostonbella for reminding me that I'm not alone. Have they determined your treatments yet? The reconstruction process was really not bad. My plastic surgeon was wonderful as was the rest of his staff. I couldn't have asked for better care or support. Please keep me posted on how you are holding up. Remember, lots of rest is the best way to get through this next step.
I have to say your post is something that I have felt for the past 10 years, and I didn't even have cancer then. I'm someone who has desired the right guy, marriage, and having children together for as long as I can remember. Turning 40 this year, and not having the right guy in my life put me into "option" mode. I don't have a whole lot of control over finding a guy, unless I want to settle which all of us could have done at one time or another. BUT- I do have control over the children situation. Prior to cancer happening just last month, I decided when I turned 40 last February it would be my year of meeting with fertility experts, seeing what my options were, and doing something about it. My sister has adopted a child from China when she had to undergo a hysterectomy and I can see first hand how beautiful that process is. It's not for everyone, I know, but it's certainly an option. My point is, I made that conscious decision to not wait for the right guy. The right one will want me baby and all if that is more important to me.
Unfortunately, before I had the chance to get deep into the fertility options, I was diagnosed. As you can see form an earlier post, I will undergo chemo and then tamoxifen soon, and will go into early menopause. This hit hard for the last week, I went into "hiding", talked to no one, felt sorry for myself, cried myself to sleep for nights on end, and then came to realize what good will I be if I'm dwelling on something I can't control. I want my life! I'm not good as a mom or wife if I'm not here! So, adoption is an option. It's a great positive for some. No hurry now, so I take the pressure off of myself to hurry to get pregnant or adopt. (Not to mention the cost it takes off my shoulders.) There are plenty of children who will be waiting for a great mom when I'm done with treatment, 100% healthy again, and will complete my life with what I've waited for. The right guy WILL come along, and he'll just get a package deal instead! Some of you might say I'm in dreamland, and no I'm not on meds feeling so positive I don't know what I'm saying it's going to hit me hard soon. I'm just trying my hardest to be realistic with what's been dealt to me. I've planned and put pressure on myself my whole life. It's time for me to just live and let things fall as they may and stop planning.
As if dating wasn't hard enough- now I have to deal with guys who will be scared away by either the cancer, or scars, or baldness. Putting it on hold and grasping the dating world when this is all over is the best for me.
To all- please keep in mind these are my opinions. I'm not here to get bashed, or told I'm not facing reality. I was excited to see these forums, and disappointed to see other topics becoming somewhat of a negative forum for some. This is a place to not feel alone, maybe make a new friend, and just vent how we are feeling and get support. Let's all try to use it this way.
Hi Missey- To your last post, every one of us is entitled, and should take days that become bad. Heck- we have cancer and should be angry as SH&$ that we have it! I know I am... My last bad day turned into 3, and I snapped at all who called and got mad at things that didn't play out for plans, etc. It's hateful, in plain english! This week is a different week. I'm past a few things that got me down, and I'm moving forward to what today brings- I'm telling myself a better day.
You asked about reconstruction- I have started in that I have an expander in my breast area that is getting the area ready for an implant to match my left side. It's a hard plastic balloon type of apparatus that is unfilled. It hurts!! The removal of 15 lymph nodes is pretty painful, and what I'm dealing with for pain. The expander will start to be "filled" in Septmeber after chemo starts. 20-30 cc's of saline to make the expander bigger every 3 weeks. Thus stretching the skin as it fills. For treatments, I'm told I will undergo aggressive chemo every two weeks for 8 weeks, then 8 more of radiation. I'm scared to say the least. I don't know what to expect, but I'm ready with my family and friends to tackle whatever it brings. I can saythough, as I said before- I will remain trying to be as sexy as I can through it all!!!
Keep your chin up up up!!
This message has been edited. Last edited by: kim g,
Hi Missey- I attempted to reply to you yesterday, but I must have hit a button that made it disappear- LOL.
Always remember- you are never alone- and I'd be happy to exchange IM names, if that is allowed, to take thing off line from here. Well, I'm glad you've pulled yourself out of your bad day- you're certainly entitled! My last bad day lasted 3 days! Pulled myself up by my bootstraps and kept on moving.
You asked about reconstruction- I have what is called an expander made of plastic in the breast area that will be slowly filled with saline to get to the same size as my other breast. It's a slow process and hurts!!!! It's HARD plastic stretching the skin I have left- "think tupperware" is what I was told when I questioned the pain! Did you have the same? After the expander is filled to my liking, I undergo the major surgery again to use the same scar, and get a permanent implant. I do the rest of the reconstruction (outer cosmetics) at a later time when that is all healed. Phew...quite a process, but sooo fortunate that we have that!
Hello. I'm new. My name is Lola. I am a cancer survivor, of rare cancer, persistent Gestational Trophoblastic Disease, or GTD. It is rare and originates from a malignancy of the placenta, from pregnancy. After 2 recurrences, one Phase 1 trial that took me to London from the USA, surgeries and boat loads of chemotherapy, they said, "we're so sorry, we have nothing else to offer you, you are terminal. If I am living and breathing right now, right here, then I know I have something of purpose.
I love hearing your stories. "Cheers" to your spirit and participation in your own journey. Cancer does not define who we are. We are women, first, who are dealing with cancer. Our creativity, humor, needs, and ability to contribute in this life may be challenged by cancer but cancer is not the center. I absolutely LOVE what this show is going to say, the message is right-on. It's about inclusiveness,"women" with a cancer diagnosis. Bless you Kris Carr! Cancer cannot take away our essence, unless, we say it can. How could anyone ever tell us we are anything LESS than Beautiful!
So I applaud all of you and I thank you for sharing yourselves through this board. Kris Carr, go girl, for creatively speaking out and playing around with a topic that is for many a way of life. I want to have a party the night this show deputs! I am a cofounder of Women Beyond Cancer: http://womenbeyondcancer. WBC does retreats for all women with any form of cancer, nationally. I will be watching, feeling, laughing, connecting, and knowing that Kris and all her costars, will be connecting with all of us too! It's not about comparatives, it's about honest portrayals that inspire. With hope and hugs, Lola
Hi All! My name is Heather, and I have Brain Cancer (but it doesn't have me! )
I found out April of this year (2007) that I had a brain tumor. I had an inner ear infection so my doctor sent me for an MRI, and there she was, a tumor the size of a nine iron. I haven't experienced any symptoms, which is amazing. I had a craniotomy May 3 in Rochester MN at Mayo Clinic. I have completed 6 weeks of radiation and chemo and am now on chemo again for the next year. The tumor that use to reside in my brain was an Anaplastic Astrocytoma (anaplastic means grade 3) Grade 4 is the worst, but I try not to think about that
Dear Missy, Heather, Bostonbella,Pastorsgurl, Snoopy, and all, It's been "another week" of so many new people diagnosed with cancer. Since I visted last, I was amazed by the fortitude of your posts. Thank you for sharing your heart and souls. Heather, your website is beyond beautiful. So are you. I have a friend in S. C. who has brain cancer and she, like you, is trusting beyond her own strength, in God. It's always something, no? In the midst of it all, there is a peace that can be reached, if we settle in to our own voice. You have "all" done this in various ways. Really inspired by your posts. Thanks for sharing. Lola
Hello Missy, Heather, Bostonbella, and Pastorsgurl
Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I've been getting ready to go to back to school. I had my annual check-up at The Jimmy Fund clinic in Boston and I met a really nice guy there who had the same cancer as I did expect he was ten when he had his and I was five. He's a year older than me but he was very sweet and he said he'd like to hang out some time! I was happy when he said that and hopefully it can turn into a dating thing. Once my classes become less crazy I'll try post more often. Thank you BostonBella for the post you put up I found it very helpful, Snoopy
i was diagnosed with cervical cancer 4 months after my daughter was born and I had to have surgery the day after my mom died from complications with a triple bypass. It was all so unexpected. I had pap smears every year that were clear and when i had unusual bleeding after intercourse, my gyn blew me off saying i had nothing to worry about. i never got to tell my mom because i knew she had to go in for an angiogram and i didn't want to worry her. She was my best friend. They held her body for a week so i could recover from surgery. Lucky me, I got a staph infection and almost didn't get to go to my mom's funeral at all! I was home one week when we rushed my infant daughter to the hospital. She was there for 2 weeks with a staph infection locked in her lymph node which required surgery. My fiance and I took turns staying at the hospital which you get to sleep on a low chair that elongates outward. I had a difficult recovery from surgery and had to use a cane. I continued to pump my breast milk in the hopes of continuing breast feeding but by the time our daughter came home from the hospital, she would only take her bottle.
Thank goodness they did get all the cancer (so I hope - it's a constant worry). I did wind up with lymphadema in my leg and nerve damage at the incision area and my entire lower abdomen.
It's so scary since they told my friend they got all of her cancer too and now it has come back with a tumor behind her eye and spread to her brain. She began with endometrial cancer.
I was diagnosed with bladder cancer last year and had a recurrence in May. I've dealt with incontinence, adult "pads," bizarre physical therapy for the above and all the fun that goes along with it - no, it's not sexy! But I loved this film and book, and I LOVE Kris's attitude toward cancer. I just had a check-up on 8/20 and they told me I'm in remission for now but I go back in November.
Every day is a gift and a new adventure. We hope to have a child someday, but who knows.
missey121, you are very much still a strong and amazing girl.
Chemo-pause is not always a forever thing! I was 42 years old when I was diagnosed last Jubne with non-Hodgkin lymphoma. I had an aggresive kind & so had some pretty aggressive chemo. I didn't have a period for an entire year. Lo and behold, it's baaaaaack. My oncologist says my ovaries are workin' again. I moaned about that & he asked if I wanted some more chemo LOL
Really, there are no guarantees in this life so it's best to bend in the breeze rather than be too rigid in your expectations and snap if something tough comes along. Hair grows back and quality-type people won't hold it against you if you are bald or have battle-scars or can't bear a child. Every day that I'm upright is a good day for me. Oh yeah, I also did my first half-marathon on the 1-year anniversary of my diagnosis & in October, I'll be in remission for a year.I can accomplish ANYTHING I set my mind to. Considering the alternative, life is great!
Diana
This message has been edited. Last edited by: kim g,
Well, I'm glad you've pulled yourself out of your bad day- you're certainly entitled! My last bad day lasted 3 days! Pulled myself up by my bootstraps and kept on moving.
