Hi. I'm a 25-year-old girl from Oklahoma. I'm going to be 26 in about a month. I am having a LOT of problems with clothing! Lets see, I guess the best way to do this would be to describe myself, top to bottom... OK I am between 5ft and 5ft 1in, depending on who you ask. I'm pretty overweight, about 225. I have hair about down to my shoulders. It is brown, thick, frizzy, and really doesn't have any shape. I usually wear it in a ponytail. I have pale skin and don't wear makeup at all because it usually makes me break out. I already have enough breakouts without it. I wear THICK glasses because I am BLIND! And I can't get contacts because of the way my eyes are. I'm too fat for eye surgery. I haven't taken very good care of my teeth, so they are ugly. I can't do anything about that right now. I am going to the dentist and we are looking at options. OK my neck is short and fat. My shoulders are narrow (most blouses with shoulder pads-and/or the sleeve seam, when I remove them-hang down the SIDE of my shoulder a couple of inches), hunched forward (along with my neck) and I have deep grooves in my shoulders from my bra straps. These make my blouses look strange. I have a bra size of approximately (because no one measures the right way here-apparently if they don't sell the size they don't want to bother) 36K, US sizes. I currently wear a 36H because I cannot find anything better. As I am overweight, I have lumps all around the middle area. I wear a 1x-2x shirt. My butt has grown up to JUST under my waist. My hips are large. I wear around a 22-24 size pant, but since I'm short, it's hard to find things that fit. I've been trying to lose weight for nearly 5 years, but all I seem to do is gain more. (I was 125 lbs 6 years ago!) My thighs are large and rub together, so if I don't buy a heavy fabric pant, my pants are unusable within a week to a month. Even when I DO buy a heavy pant, it takes only 3-6 months before I have holes where they rub together. Even when I was skinny in high school (115 lbs and a size 8), my thighs were large and rubbed together. Of course, they are larger and rub MORE now. My legs and feet swell, so I can no longer find shoes to fit me. Before I started swelling, my feet were a size 8-8 1/2 W... Now, I bought WW shoes and they were too narrow!!! And pretty much ALL the shoes make the top of my foot bulge up over the top of the shoe! All I can wear now are Crocs... The only ones that fit are the ones that are SUPER wide in the toe!!! I work in retail, so I can get away with this look FOR NOW, but would LOVE to work in an office, so I need a business casual/professional look! I've actually said a few times that if WNTW ever came to me, I would hand over my clothes happily! Does ANYONE have any advice???

Thanks,
Janettee

P.S. You can email me at janettee_mccrary@yahoo.com if you want.

Janettee-
I am concerned at how you are describing yourself mainly because I am concerned about your self esteem. Everything that you described in your post is fixable. Many of us have been there and have had to work to take the weight off, save to get the right wardrobe, etc., etc. .... it is all do-able. However, first and formost, it will be difficult to work on these things and have success unless you see yourself as the wonderful amazing person that I am sure you are (although you may or may not feel that way right now.) Please find someone you trust to talk to... a friend, a family member, a clergy member, someone in the community. They can help you come up with a game plan as to how to get started, things won't seem so overwhelming and you will have an advocate close by cheering you on.

Hi janettee! Here are a few things that can get the ball rolling in a positive direction. Find a good hair stylist that can work with your type of hair. Thick frizzy hair can be tamed! Talk with your dermatologist who may be able to suggest a foundation that will not cause your skin to react badly. Even if the dermatologist advises against foundation or concealer, you can probably use some eye makeup and lip color that will draw people's attention up to your face (always a good thing) even through the glasses. If you don't already have a feel for what colors look good on you, you should definitely find out. This can make a big difference in making you look pretty rather than pale! And eat healthy. Whether or not you lose weight, it will give you energy to live life - not just get through the day.

It sounds like you are at a point where you want to make positive changes and I totally agree with CCS that having a support network of family, friends and professionals will be very important. GOOD LUCK!

Hi Janettee,

I agree with CCS and Wonderful about the need for positive change, starting with self-esteem. I have often posted that the changes I learned to make from WNTW helped me to feel better about myself so I could start losing weight and both feel and look better. It's an upward spiral!

Start with some things you can do immediately. Like wonderful tonight suggests, go to a hairstylist. Make a pilgrimage, if necessary, to a good lingerie store or a good department store for a br@ fitting. I am short-waisted, narrow shouldered and well-endowed, and putting on the right br@ creates instant slenderizing.

Put yourself in the right clothes for your body type. Buy at least one pair of well-fitting dark jeans, and a structured jacket. This is an example from Talbot's, which carries women's petite sizes up to 24. I am noticing that places like wal-mart are carrying more and more cute clothes in plus sizes; check the "shoes and bag" thread for Shaundra's posting of some darling dresses from Lane Bryant. Don't make the mistake of trying to hide your weight under flowing fabrics; that will just make you look bigger. Instead, choose well-fitting, structured pieces, that will help give you a shape.

Finally, since you have said you want to lose weight, make a commitment to do it. There are lots of alternatives; Weight Watchers worked for me, and one woman in my group lost 170 pounds. I lost 30 pounds (I've been in a rut), but I'm out of plus sizes and I have twice as much energy! It may be that learning healthy eating habits may help with your complexion and other health issues as well. I was overweight for almost three decades of my life, and I regret the diminished quality of life I experienced for those years. Now is the time for you to understand why you are hiding that beautiful person under all that weight, and to take the time to act. Good luck!

Jannette,
Almost every sentence in your post contains the word "fat." I agree with the others that you need to start thinking positively in order to start feeling better about yourself. Like the others said, get a new hairstyle and some products that will help you tame your hair. Cute glasses are everywhere, you just need to find some. Start eating healthier and less sodium, and your swelling should go down in your feet. Join some kind of support group, and start walking. You will be suprised how much better a simple thing like walking can make you feel. Also, there are SPANX products that always help with my own mid sectio lumps, so you may want to try them out. Everything that you don't like, you can change, so don't be so down on yourself.

You've gone from 115 pounds to 225 in 8 years; I wonder if you've gone to a doctor to determine if it's more than diet related? There are gland conditions--thyroid, etc--that cause weight gain, and once that's balanced, weight loss & maintenance can be easier.

I heartily second the advice about getting help for support. If the weight gain is from overeating to self-medicate for depression, then counseling can help there.

In any event--you are worth it! Come back and let us know how things are going!!!

I second Garnetsue's recommendation to see a doctor to check for thyroid and other health conditions that may be affecting your weight gain and swelling. It's highly likely that there is some underlying health issue that needs treating. Once you do that, I would like to suggest that you not focus on "losing weight" right at first. When I needed to lose 50 pounds, I was so overwhelmed at that number that I couldn't make myself do it. When I changed my focus to "I'm going to change my eating habits and start exercising" - the weight came off anyway. My doctor told me to count calories and to exercise an hour a day, five days a week. He also pointed out that you don't have to exercise for an hour all at the same time. You can do ten minutes six times. Or twenty minutes three times. He also pointed out that at my then weight, I could eat 1800 calories a day and lose weight. Obviously, once you lose a fair amount, you need to cut back further on the calories. The great thing about losing the weight is how much better your body feels. Hang in there and good luck.

Garnetsue and Anners both make good points. I lost weight without trying when I was in an environment where I was walking a lot and I was eating fresh, not processed foods. Anners is correct - the goal is not the weight, it is health - for your body, mind and soul. You are worth it, dear.

Hi Janettee. Congratulations on deciding to take better care of yourself, your health, and your appearance. Each time you make a positive change, you will feel better. As you probably know, looking better will help you feel better too (but it's only part of it). While you sound unhappy with being overweight, you can still do things to enhance your appearance at your present size. I second the suggestions to get a hair style, get some stylish glasses, and experiment with eye make-up. And a bra-fitting. And keep working on developing your style.

I want to recommend an online weight loss community 3FC and especially the discussion board, see for starters 0 1 2 3 . I have lurked over there a bunch and it is a very positive and busy community of people (mostly ladies) supporting each other on all manner of related topics. But really you'll get the most out of it if you join AND post.

Naturally, you are unhappy with having gained weight and with being overweight. As others have said, it is important to understand any medical or psychological factors contributing to this . IF you have not already done so, please talk to your doctor. Problems with the thyroid are not uncommon and can make you gain weight. There are thyroid tests and medication available to control thyroid levels. Secondly emotions lead a lot of people to overeat, myself included I think I am hungry but instead I am feeding some negative feelings, using the food to make me feel better, calm me down, or block some emotional pain. If you relate to any of that, I recommend counseling.

Exercise (walking is great!) will make you feel good and help control your weight plus it's good for your health in so many ways.

Hugs to you

Janettee, you've gotten very good advice here--rule out medical problems (which may underlie emotional ones, as the mind-body connection works in both directions).

Remember that healthy weight loss is rarely rapid weight loss. Don't be discouraged if it doesn't peel off as quickly as it seemed to layer on.

For non-guru-ish, non-boot-campy inspiration, Mireille Guillamo's 'French Women Don't Get Fat' is wonderful. It is her own story of gaining weight as a young person, and her lifelong strategy for staying slim but not missing out on life's pleasures.

Best of luck to you!

Everyone,

First of all, let me just say... Sorry it took me so long to reply! I've been trying to buy a house and haven't really been online much other than to check my email.
Well, I won't lie-I've always struggled with self-esteem. BUT I'm just trying to be honest. Yes, everything is fixable... With time and money. I guess I was hoping someone would have advice about what I could do while I wait for BOTH of these things. The reason I'm reaching out on here is because I cannot find anyone to help in my personal life.
OK thank you, first of all, for giving advice on what to do in the meantime. Well, as for dermatologists... I really can't afford to go to the doctor unless I'm sick. How do you find out what colors look good? I just go by my personal preferences. I have more of a yellow undertone to my skin than a pink. (In photos I'm usually yellowish)
I've been to the salon to get my hair cut. I have actually decided to chop all my hair off, so now it is about 2 inches long. It feels great to not have to wear my hair in a hot ponytail all summer Bonus: I donated my hair to Locks Of Love! Those who have NO hair don't care if it is frizzy or not, right? I've found out about one of two lingerie stores in my area that MAY be able to correctly fit me. If those don't work, I have to drive for 2 hours to another one. After that, I'm stuck with shopping online from the UK. I'm glad that you have advice for the breast-related issues. I have only been able to find clothes at Wal-mart in the men's section. For some reason I seem to have an odd shape that makes it hard to select clothes the way most women do.

I try to eat healthy, but unfortunately I'm not the one in charge of the groceries, so I just eat whatever is edible in the house (usually one of two choices, mostly pizza, mac and cheese, sandwiches, hot dogs, cereal, or burgers. I have been trying to lose weight for more than a year. I have cut out all pop, tried to limit my sugars (not cut out, b/c I've never been successful there). I eat fat free/low fat ice creams instead of regular, eat sherbets or popsicles instead. I eat cereal instead of sweets. I eat Cheerios/Rice Crispies, not sugary cereals. I try to stay away from pizza as much as possible. I do eat hamburgers, but try to get the grease off as much as possible. I also have tried to limit my bread intake. I've started eating fruits instead of desserts. Tea instead of pop, juice for breakfasts, 1-2 cups of coffee a day, water the rest of the time. I've also been lowering my sodium intake. I eat very little ham because I've found that it affects my swelling (even though it IS one of my favorite meats). I try to eat cereal instead of eggs because I like to salt my eggs too much. I'm trying to find alternatives to fries (baked potato with sour cream only, fruits, salads) whenever possible. I've been trying to drink more water. Unfortunately, I stand at my job ALL DAY and my doctor has told me that I may not be able to correct this while working at this job. She suggested I wear support hose, but because my butt has grown so high, the hose wouldn't even stay up. (Yes, I got the "Just My Size" version, which is supposed to be better for larger women-it was even made for women two inches taller than me!)
I haven't actually seen any spanx products. Unfortunately, somehow I've GAINED even more weight!!! I went from 199-222.5 since January! Unfortunately for me... It took me moving from "chubby" or "overweight" to "fat" to start feeling like I needed to act. I did buy new glasses, I believe right after writing this post. Actually, my weight gain was in 6 years. I did go to a doctor. They checked everything. They said I was fine. I do suffer from depression every few years. But every time I kept trying to get help, it didn't. I will check on the website later. LOL who wouldn't be unhappy being overweight, especially if they used to be incredibly thin! Thanks for the good-luck wishes and the hugs

GRRR ok I had to post this in two parts... Because it was too long, I guess. So then when I posted, it decided the first part couldnt' be sent. So now I have the second part here but I can't delete it! How on earth do you delete?

OK: here's the first part.

First of all, let me just say... Sorry it took me so long to reply! I've been trying to buy a house and haven't really been online much other than to check my email.
Well, I won't lie-I've always struggled with self-esteem. BUT I'm just trying to be honest. Yes, everything is fixable... With time and money. I guess I was hoping someone would have advice about what I could do while I wait for BOTH of these things. The reason I'm reaching out on here is because I cannot find anyone to help in my personal life.
OK thank you, first of all, for giving advice on what to do in the meantime. Well, as for dermatologists... I really can't afford to go to the doctor unless I'm sick. How do you find out what colors look good? I just go by my personal preferences. I have more of a yellow undertone to my skin than a pink. (In photos I'm usually yellowish)
I've been to the salon to get my hair cut. I have actually decided to chop all my hair off, so now it is about 2 inches long. It feels great to not have to wear my hair in a hot ponytail all summer Bonus: I donated my hair to Locks Of Love! Those who have NO hair don't care if it is frizzy or not, right? I've found out about one of two lingerie stores in my area that MAY be able to correctly fit me. If those don't work, I have to drive for 2 hours to another one. After that, I'm stuck with shopping online from the UK. I'm glad that you have advice for the chest-related issues. I have only been able to find clothes at Wal-mart in the men's section. For some reason I seem to have an odd shape that makes it hard to select clothes the way most women do.

Janatee, I'm glad you're taking some positive steps--but I would still suggest following the advice of getting a good medical workup, to find out if there's an underlying cause for the weight/skin issues. If there is, then you're halfway there.

Buying a house is going to help, too, surprisingly, because you will be in charge of the groceries, and can follow a healthier eating plan, and that will get you on the right path. Plus, caring for a house (cleaning, gardening, etc) is good exercise--before all of our modern conveniences, people didn't need gyms, they got their exercise by living.

Good for you that you got the hair chopped. Now what you've got is only new growth, and that can be taken care of with simple things like good shampoo and conditioners, which don't have to cost a lot.

For your skin, check out the Boots Botanics products at Target--Boots is the biggest UK chain pharmacy, and their Botanics line is reasonably priced and full of nice products.

And ALL of us, to a woman, have our 'shape' issues. I am 5'2", a US size 6 on bottom, narrow shouldered, but a G cup bra. I've only found about 2 styles that I can actually wear, even in a country where finding a 32G is fairly easy

Congratulations on cutting the hair and planning the bra fitting. (And Locks of Love - Yay!) When I cut my hair after 25 years of waist length hair, I imagined that I was cutting the cord that was tying me to bad situations and bad judgments, and freeing me to to start over. And it has been that way.

Reading between the lines of your last post, it seems that although you are trying to eat more healthy choices in food, because you're not the shopper, you're stuck with whatever is there. Limiting bread and eating fruit are very positive steps, but based on some of the other things you list, I believe you are ingesting more saturated fat, sugar and sodium than you realize. In the past, I've also tried to lose weight by making what I believed were healthy choices. When I joined Weight Watchers, I learned how off base some of my selections were!

If you're not yet ready to commit to a food plan, I have a few simple suggestions that, if followed religiously, will bring about amazing results. (1) At least double the number of vegetables you eat. The more vegetables I eat, the more weight I lose. It's amazing how satisfying a plate of mixed steamed veggies can be sprinkled with a teaspoon of parmesan cheese. And now you can buy the frozen ones in the bag that steams in the microwave. You may use pepper or an herb mix like Mrs. Dash but not salt; especially since you seem to be very sensitive to sodium. (2) Think of meat as a condiment. In other words, instead of eating a hamburger, take 3 oz of ground beef (no more!) and use it to flavor a tomato/corn/pepper/black bean chili. Eat 3 oz of tuna (the kind sold in a freeze dried packet is fine) on a bed of romaine lettuce, chopped up tomatoes, and steamed green beans drizzled with a little viniagrette. (3) Eat only whole wheat breads and cereals. Start your day with a heaping bowl of oatmeal with fresh fruit. You'll stay fuller longer, and won't be tempted by unhealthy foods. 4) A baked potato is a platform for all kinds of yummy treats: steamed broccoli or spinach with non fat cream cheese, diced chicken out of a freeze dried packet with nonfat sour cream and curry powder - the possibilities are limitless! Dr. Sanjay Gupta (and others) say "eat all the colors of the rainbow every day! Concentrate on foods with vitamins and fiber, which most of the colorful foods have, and you will lose weight and reap health benefits. This is a quality of life issue.

I have yellowish undertones to my skin, and wearing the wrong colors can make me look tired and run down. Red is our friend! I have learned that almost any color with a reddish undertone: red, rose, coral, peach, saturated pink, purple, lilac, plum, violet does wonders to perk up my complexion. The one cosmetic I won't leave the house without is my rosy blush - that does wonders!

You've made the first step on your journey to looking and feeling better - I hope the above will give you some ideas for the next ones.

Sailing is right--adding more veg and fruit to your diet is a great way toward being healthier, whether your goal is weight loss or not. I have a surgeon friend (calls himself a 'butt and gut-cutter', so you get what he deals with). He says that about half the cancers he removes could be avoided with a simple formula of 'eat more plants, drink more water'. So getting on that road now, in your twenties, could have big benefits later in life.

Too much salt is a problem, but cutting it out could lead to food being tasteless, which means you eat more to feel satisfied. Mrs Dash and other no-salt blends are great. Also try fresh lemon or lime juice on salads, various wine or flavoured vinegars, fresh herbs like dill or cilantro, chilies, black pepper.

One of my favourite foods these days is hummus--a Middle-eastern dip pureed chickpeas with sesame paste, olive oil, garlic, lemon juice, and a TINY bit of salt. But all those other ingredients? Super healthy! Fibre and protein from the chickpeas and sesame (and sesame has a fair amount of calcium), good fats from the olive oil, all kinds of other benefits from the garlic and lemon. And the taste is lovely--I use it as a dip (cucumber slices are my favourite, but raw carrots or celery is nice too), and as a spread on crackers (I use wheat-free because of allergies) topped with sliced tomato. Before I discovered my wheat allergy, I had also had it as a sandwich filling with roasted mushrooms. I've had it in spoonfuls on a spinach, cucumber and tomato salad as well.

Fruit is my dessert these days--because of wheat and dairy allergies, most luxurious desserts are out. But a dish of perfectly ripe berries, perhaps with a bit of lemon or chocolate sorbet, can come in at well under 200 calories for a very large portion. Satisfying and healthy.

Don't look on healthier eating as a deprivation! Yes, you may have to cut way back on stuff like burgers, pizza, fries, hot dogs--but those aren't great food to begin with, and certainly not on an everyday basis. But this gives you a great chance to explore all kinds of dishes. Look to the beautiful foods of the whole Mediterranean area, and to Asia--and learn to do most of your cooking from fresh (it ends up cheaper and healthier than a lot of packaged stuff). You'll find lots of inspiration for low animal/high plant foods. You'll also be able to invite friends in for feasts of beautiful food that is delicious and healthy at the same time.

Good luck!

Janattee, it's good to hear back from you. I'm proud of you for getting a new hair style and donating to locks of love , and new glasses (can we see a pic?, just the glasses if you're shy). And for researching where to get a bra fitting, and working to buy a house(!) and get more independence. And for your efforts to improve your diet. You have been busy and accomplished a lot!! Congrats to you

You might want to start keeping a record of what you eat. I know this has helped people loosing weight. Check out the free online program at fitday. I also suggest you measure yourself with a tape measure once a month, in the same places and keep a record. Loosing inches and pounds are both positive changes and some months you may see more progress with measurements than with the scale. You should probably weigh yourself at least monthly, probably weekly. Some people do it daily first thing in the morning, but then you will see natural daily fluctuations from water retention, what you ate, your time of month etc.

If you're thinking of following a specific diet program, weight watchers has good structure and if there is a group in your area the meetings can provide a support group. The drawback is that there is a membership fee and that it's possible to still eat unhealthy processed food on WW. As far as nutrition goes, I think the South Beach Diet (the name sounds gimmicky but was written by a cardiologist from So Beach) is a very healthy plan; there's a book for this.

Will you be walking for exercise, or what are your intentions? Exercise is so important for your health in so many aspects. Just start with what you can and work your way up as you get fitter.

i second stealthmarts issue about WW and other diet centers allowing processed foods (which are neither healthy not friendly diet wise, and very small portions). the more you choose fresh food over processed the better you'll feel and the faster weight will come off, the better your skin, your hair, your nails, really, the health and beauty benefits are many. switch to water, leave soda behind, drink a little less every day. there are foods and drinks (like unsweetened 100% pure cranberry juice) that help flush out the liver from years of either bad food or medicines that clog it and makes losing weight harder. a good book i suggest is the Fat Flush plan. even if you find the diet strict (that's how i lost weight) at least you understand the power of the right and wrong foods in your body. trust me, there is something about knowing the adverse effects of a certain kind of food (like junk food!) that makes you think twice or walk away from them after you know what it's doing internally. congratulations on the wonderful changes you've begun to do. above all, enjoy the journey to self discovery and finding out what works best for you. it truly is a gift finding health, balance and good results after thinking "my case is hopeless", which is how i felt when i couldn't lose the weight my with "regular plan" i had always done.
keep us posted! i wish you the best~

ili

Jeanette,
As a woman who is about the same size as you, and has similar problems, I have some recommendations! I have oily prone skin as well and I use a mineral powder foundation from Avon, it works wonders, and as long as I wash it off when I get home, I don't have break out issues. I'd also like to recommend a medicated foundation that is designed specifically for those that have oily prone skin.
As for finding more professional looking clothes that fit you, we are the same size bottoms and I purchased a pair of "Chelsea" wide leg trousers from Lane Bryant, they fit like a dream, are SO comfy and are slimming for gals like us! I am also a big fan of Old Navy. I have stretch marks all over my belly from being terribly sick a few years ago and I never go without a cami under my shirt, it really helps smooth out those little rolls I have too. As for the swelling of your feet, I have the same issue once in a while, I suggest flats or flipflops I have a great pair of gladiator sandals that I got at Payless, the straps are expandable so you may be able to expand them to fit your feet.
I highly suggest checking out lanebryant.com if you don't have store in your area, and also Old Navy has some cute styles for ladies like us.
Also, I agree with everyone else on the health aspect, just stay away from the yucky processed foods, make sure you are eating enough calories (eating too little sets your body into starvation mode and you will gain weight). Also see a doctor to rule out thyroid or any other health issues.
Good luck, and let us know how you are doing!
Amy