A good friend just passed away, and I'm wondering if anyone knows what "appropriate" would be for my kiddo this weekend?

My son is 14 & EXTREMELY difficult to fit for pants, (he wears a 26W/33L) and I'm afraid we haven't found a dress pant or even a nice twill that fits him yet. He's got several pair of jeans, (two are extremely dark-wash & reserved for Sunday & "nice" days) and a tan pair of carpenter pants... but they're that "funky grunge" style with patches all over them. For shirts he's got a black collarless dress shirt, a navy polo... and four different navy & grey pullover sweaters that could be paired with a plain white dress-shirt.

My question is, can he wear a darkwash jean with any of these tops without being seen as disrespectful? We attend a VERY blue-collar/casual church, so nobody will be wearing anything at ALL like a 3-piece suit... but it's still a funeral, and she was a dear friend to absolutely everyone - including my kids.

Sorry to hear about your loss.

For your son, he's a kid, they should cut him some slacks (no pun intended. .

I think with the dark wash jeans, and dress shoes, and dress shirt & tie, with a suit jacket, he should be ok. I really think a tie is important since he's not wearing a suit.

I agree that the rules have relaxed greatly. At my BILs funeral a few months ago, a woman was wearing a pink mini, and a few men were wearing golf shorts. They may have been golf buddies, but still.

I think any dark pant (including a dark wash denim in good condition) with a button shirt would be fine.

I'm sorry for your loss HSM.

HSM22 - The loss of a friend is a difficult experience. Please accept my sincere sympathy.
I have a tall, thin son also and the year he was 14 he grew through 3 pant lengths so I understand your not wanting to invest in a pair of slacks that your child may be out of before he has a need for them again. I think if he wore the navy polo with dark jeans for the visitation/wake/prayer service that would be appropriate. Then he could wear one of the sweaters over the dress shirt, again with dark jeans, for the actual funeral service. It would be helpful if your son has dark dress shoes to wear with both outfits.
The gratitude your children feel for the gifts this friend brought to their lives is where the true respect is shown.

I just saw the pictures of your son in his peacoat. That will look very nice with his jeans, shirts, and sweaters. He will be an appropriate - and handsome - young man.

HSM i'm sorry for your loss.
i think what you're planning for him to wear is appropiate and respectful.

Sorry for your loss - you'll be in my prayers.

I'm trying to get a friend of mine to read this board and I told her to look out for a few posters in particular, and you're one I think she'll really enjoy reading. That has nothing to do with anything here - I just have been meaning to tell you how sweet and wonderful I think you are and how much fun it is to read conversations in which you're involved. SO I thought maybe you could use a kind word now and I'd throw it in here.

I'm sorry for your loss, HSM--but I'm also glad that you had this special person in your life to begin with.

I second everything that has been said, both regarding the clothes and regarding the sentiments.

Thank you all so much.

We're going to try one more time to see if we can find pants before the weekend, but with sizes like that our chances aren't great. (DD is MUCH easier since I recently cut down a black velvet skirt for her to wear to a wedding - bride's choice, not mine) I'm getting everything else pressed & laid out, so we're ready to go. (sigh) She was my coworker with the preschoolers, and I need to tell the littles that she won't be coming back again tonight.

Telling the kids has got to be hard. I know you can do it, though, and do it well. You are a gentle but strong soul.

If you're interested, I have some basic resources on kids and grief--but since you've been working there for a while, you probably have access to them, too. If you want, I can post them, or you can drop me a note: myusername07 at yahoo dot com.

HSM,

So sorry for your loss, this must be very hard.
I know you will tell the little ones in your caring way.

HSM, I too am very sorry to hear about your friend..we are going thru a big loss right now also. DH's best friend of 22 yrs (and mine for the last 8 yrs Ive known him) passed away 2 weeks ago from complications after elective surgery. I cant remember which poster (sorry) said to be thankful you had her in your lives, which I truly believe and I am glad the little ones have you to lean on in these difficult time...take care...

HSM - I'm so sorry about your friend. Count me among those whose days have been brightened by your posts. You are a joy, and I always miss you when you're away for a while. You and your family will be in my thoughts.

Aww, thank you all so much! Your kind words are so sweet.

We managed to find a pair of 28/33 dress pants in charcoal at my favorite secondhand store. I had my son try them on this morning with his good belt & a longer sweater, and it looked good! The waistband was puckered, but the longer sweater kind of kept that hidden. Might be the best we're gonna get with him 'til he gains a little weight... and now we're set for Christmas too!

HSM - I just wanted to tell you that I (and I am sure many others here) am thinking of you and send my support and best wishes as you head into this weekend's events.

Thank you voguette

It's been a strange week. My friend died on Monday, we spent Tuesday night at the church helping to organize our food shelf, I talked with the preschoolers on Wednesday, (emotional overload all evening as they "processed") and immediately after that I went into a meeting to plan a wedding shower for NEXT weekend. Today was actually our only "quiet day" and the kids & I spent it baking next week's bread, since we won't be home enough to do it tomorrow. My son was invited to a concert tomorrow night, and he wrapped his arm around my shoulder & said "Mom, can't we just sit on the sofa & watch movies together instead? I don't feel like parties right now." *sniff*