In another post, someone said, "I can't stand to see another beautiful family get destroyed by TLC". I thought this deserved a new thread--It's not TLC's fault, it's Amy's. Amy has been negative and has criticized just about everything Matt has wanted to do since the show started. Matt is the reason TLC made a show about this family and I'll bet you she complained about this "crazy" idea way back when. I'm surprised that she can't see that now, since her life has been filmed for years, that her nasty, negative attitude is wrong. I see that fans are up in arms about the last 2 shows. We see how sad it is that she is dividing her family--that Zach, who most of us used to love is following in her footsteps. We see Matt try to be the peacemaker over and over again and hear Amy yell at him and use nasty tones of voice and now Zach is doing the same.

Some have criticized Matt for planning the trip without consulting Amy. I agree, it would have been a good idea but maybe he wanted to surprise them with a great family trip and maybe they take a trip every spring break. I can't see how anyone can see this gesture as selfish. The entire family, even Amy, had a great time the last time they went to the Virgin Islands. This is the last spring break before the boys move out and go to college (?!), maybe the last time the whole family will be able to be together for a trip like this. Also, Matt is facing back surgery and is obviously in pain, he is trying to spend quality time with his family while he can.

If Amy weren't so selfish and controlling, she would have encouraged her children to go with Matt. She would not even discuss the possibility of meeting them after her speech and honestly, I wonder if she even told Matt about the speech in advance. She is showing her true colors and this makes me doubt her. It is just a sad situation and I wish she could see how she is presenting herself to the world. The worst thing is the discord she is causing in her family. She is not helping her kids become responsible adults. Have those kids EVER seen their parents discuss an issue in a loving way and see things resolved with love? I really doubt it.

Matt commented that he felt that he needed to take these trips while he could physically handle it and he thinks that Zach feels like he has his whole life to do this. Well, Zach, you can't get that time with your Dad back. (I know, they don't read this) and if Zach doesn't get it together, he will never be able to afford a trip like this on his own. I wish we could see an episode soon where the whole family says that they are going to counseling. They need it if anyone does. Zach is probably going through a hard time after his mentor's death and now he knows he can't continue playing soccer on a team. Amy shouldn't have made soccer such a huge part of his life, maybe it wouldn't be such an issue if he had any other interests. He needs help. That's no excuse for the way he behaves though and if his Mother wasn't so messed up, she would tell him that! And poor Molly, she is having a hard time seeing the fighting. I do wish the best for the whole family. It's hard to watch the show and see such obvious problems. I will keep watching and pray that there are counseling appointments in their futures! Amy has a problem and needs to address it. If she is done with Matt, she needs to be done and stop spreading nastiness. The children should not have to live with such discord. I'm glad Matt followed through with the trip and that he took friends and family with him who appreciated it. jmo.

I agree with you that this family could use some counseling and some help with their communication skills. I guess having a camera in your face to tell your feelings and thoughts to has come to be the way they feel most comfortable communicating. It certainly doesn't seem to be with each other!

I am constantly amazed by how many of these posts have to demonized either Matt or Amy. There certainly is a lot of blame to go around. If my husband planned a vacation forgetting that I had obligations and couldn't go and then did not alter/adjust those plans, I would not feel very valued, loved or respected. Maybe my husband and I are weird but we talk about things like vacations and make decisions together. People seem to make excuses (Matt likes to plan surprises, that is the way he is) that I doubt they would accept in their own marriages. Would I love if my husband planned a trip for us to take, yes but not so much if he didn't take in account my schedule. Given that, Amy's response was very passive aggressive and competetive. High fiving was childish, and totally uncalled for. She should apologize to her husband and to her children.

I suspect (partly based on a comment Zach made in one of the first few shows about their father trying to lately become more involved in their lives) that Matt left much of the childrearing to Amy when the kids were small. When my children were young a wise person once told me, "if you want your children to talk to you when they are older, you have to listen to them when they are young" My guess is that Matt was very busy building his career and considered children's chatter not high on his agenda. As his health problems became more prominent and as he achieved many of his goals he realized that he also wanted to be involved in his kids lives. Some children just don't respond to a parent that wants a relationship now but seemed to ignore them in earlier years. I still think Matt works harder at connecting to Jeremy (easy for him) than he does with the others. Maybe he relates better to older kids. I don't know, but if Amy and Matt don't get together and start parenting together I think they are in for a real time with Jacob. Molly does a pretty good job of helping him, but she is not his parent.

Matt's drive to complete "his bucket list" is in many ways admirable but the way he goes about it comes off as selfish. If he would address Amy's need for security, I think some of the fear and anger she has could be diminished. Amy wrongly squashes his every idea. These two never (on camera anyway) seem to be able to sit down and honestly listen to what the other person's fears and concerns are. Neither has any idea what it means to work as a team. They both are too wrapped up in what they want. I can not believe all of the people who think that it is always okay for Matt to do what he wants just because his health is declining and he won't be able to do these things forever. Right or wrong, he married her and she needs some of her needs for security addressed by him. If my husband's life looked like it could be short, I would love that he was caring for my future needs without him not continuing taking out mortgages or building new attractions for the farm or risking money on real estate. If he sat down and said, look I have set this money aside to care for you, here is the life insurance etc then I think that she would be more involved in helping him fulfill some of his wish list. For some reason, Amy does not trust Matt to provide a secure future for her. Yes she has a nice home and property, but it seems they are mortgaged. And I wonder how much money they have put aside, she seems very concerned about money. He is always asking her to trust him. Only people who have shown themselves untrustworthy somehow have to plead with people to trust them. They seem incapable, or too hurt at this point to give each other what the other desperately needs. Amy now clings to her children to provide what is missing from her marriage and Matt looks to achievement to get his needs met. I feel sad for both of them.

Three...good post.

You reminded me of something in my life. My husband left me and my two children as they were going into their teen years. He was always working and was not involved in their lives, and after he left it was even worse. He didn't even show up for their high school graduation.

But, when they got to be adults and their father was no longer working, then he had time for them. But guess what. My son has NO time for him. He says, "Remember that song, 'The Cat's in the Cradle'? Well, I'm busy now. It is too late."

I agree, 3callmemom, the don't seem to be on the same page. Matt says that Amy is very protective of her kids and that she gets upset if he takes part in discipline, that she's always been that way. The kids are used to this, it's classic: if a kid sees one parent criticizing the other, especially when it comes to parenting, the kid is going to have little respect for the parent who is being called down. Why shouldn't they argue with dad when mom is always doing it? Why should they have respect for him is they don't see Mom respecting him? It's a problem that happens a lot and creates dysfunctional families.

When Matt proposed the house idea to Amy she was concerned about money. I was surprised to hear her ask, "do we have money for the kid's college?" A valid concern, no doubt, but I was amazed that she didn't know. He said that he had a fund set up for each kid--something a couple should discuss for sure! I'm sure Amy is concerned about financial security but my question is, why doesn't she find out?

I know lots goes on that we don't see. We see so much of Amy complaining about money being spent. I can't imagine a couple not sharing financial issues, not being on the same page about budgets, not being a team. This is a gross example of a couple living separate lives. I'd love to know if Matt tries to fill Amy in or not. I don't think we can assume that he tries to keep her in the dark. I think if Amy wanted to know, with her personality, she'd know!

You are so right Sally8, this couple is not a team so it does not surprise me that finances is one thing they are not on the same page on. My guess, based on the fact that Matt is a businessman and a risktaker and Amy is so not about details and but is concerned about security, is that Matt may try to skirt her concerns by being a little vague about the how much things cost etc. knowing that if he revealed the real truth about costs she would squash his desires. He reasons his past successes justify his fudging and elusiveness. In the Castle episode, Matt's drive to finish it was stronger than anything including Amy's concern about whether the expense was necessary (Molly is past the age where she would have really enjoyed it) and if it had to be done to such an extravagant level. I had the feeling that he just didn't want to itemize the cost for her. Matt wants to do what he wants to do and he uses his past successes as a reason to justify everything. I can think of numerous times where Matt will say something to the effect "Do you want to know what we are doing now (as in the ever changing house renovation plans) as if the decision has already been put in motion and now he is ready to spring it on Amy. Maybe Amy's concerns, real or imagined, have been dismissed so often through the years that now she no longer addresses them in an a direct and mature manner with Matt. Hence we have the disrespect, the comments thrown out as she walks away and her undermining with the children. Her responses are immature and wrong but not surprising if she feels as if what she says will have no impact on what he is or is not going to do. Maybe that is why Amy pours so much of herself into her children and having their approval.

I can see many good points to both of Amy and Matt's very different personality and relational styles and it is easy for me to see why many would prefer one over the other. But the fact is that they choose to marry each other and inherent in that is a concern and respect for the other's needs. Someday the cameras and the children will be gone and they will only have each other (assuming Matt's continued good health), right now they are in no position to be successful in that stage of life. But I hope they will seek some counseling and work through some of their struggles - The way things are looking TLC better start making counseling mandatory for their families.

Good post..and very evenhanded as well.

Hasn't Amy said in interviews that they are the way they are and that's it? I doubt that she or Matt sees a need for change of attitude. And they are still together. Their dynamic is pretty well set, with both feeling they are right. It's the editing that needs an attitude adjustment.

I do enjoy good posts and the above are examples of such; thank you.

By the way, I agree.

Just watched the two shows back to back.
Was Matt wrong booking a trip without Amy by his side?
No, she has chosen not to be by his side, or even in the same room.
As I see it the two are living separate lives but dragging the kids emotions thru the dust of their divided marriage. So Matt plans and pays for a trip with the family but Amy cannot go due to other obligations. Ok. Stuff happens in life and sometimes we are disappointed. Amy, take the high road and send your kids off on a trip of a lifetime with their Dad! Give them the courage and wings they need to be independent thinkers. It's not about you or your inability to connect with your husband. Your kids are not your pawns to move about on a board-game where only you come out the winner.

Dear Amy and Matt;
Take a weekend together, reconnect and be the loving family you are meant to be!
You have raised 4 wonderful kids and they will need 2 wonderful parents to guide them
thru life's ups and downs, and yes even life's disappointments!

Actually Kid, he didn't schedule the trip without Amy at his side...he disputed that she'd told him long before when her speaking date was to be, and scheduled it for then..or TLC did.

If you saw the trip, it was filmed by TLC.
So much of the cost of it would have been comped; not paid for by Matt.

I don't really see how Amy giving the kids courage and wings they need to be independent thinkers by SENDING them.

They've had so many trips that a 'trip of a lifetime' is no longer an issue, I spect.

I thought it would have to be during spring break? Not that the twins get anything out of school.

TLC or no TLC, the point being;
Matt booked the trip, Amy had other obligations, (unfortunately)
Bottom line, the kids paid the price! Did you happen to read their facial expressions? I saw sadness and confusion at being given an ultimatum. "It's me, or him, you decide". Giving them the courage and independence with simple words, "it's ok to go without me", you will be ok and so will I. Whether they've been on one trip or 20, each trip is a new experience,
and adds to their growth. Being with Dad and grandpa...is a trip of a lifetime.

Truth be told, it seems Amy may have been the one that made the scheduling mistake. Matt scheduled the trip for Spring Break which was the obvious time and the ONLY time to shedule the trip so the kids could go. Amy scheduled a speaking engagement for that week. So, either Amy goofed and didn't realize the kids would be off that week, or she knew and wasn't concerned.

Regardless, the trip was planned and Amy had prior plans, so why punish Matt? I wonder why Zach didn't yell at his mother for scheduling a speaking engagement during their Spring Break? I mean if he's going to yell at Matt for scheduling a trip, then why not yell at his mother? The kid doesn't make much sense.

TLC pays the Roloff's to do the show, so any money they receive, including trips, is compensation for doing the show. I don't know why the topic of who paid for what is becoming such an issue. It could basically be said that TLC pays for everything.

right!! and what does TLC have to do with Amy's immature ability to 'let her kids go on a trip, without guilt'!?

They need to get off Tv so they can fix their family.