I'm reaching out for help. This could be my only chance before i end up doing something terrible. Tomorrow is my 19th birthday and i am afraid my thoughts are spiraling out of control. As a young child i have always ended up hurting living things... sometimes unconsciously. I would kill worms when putting them on my fish hook, and if they didn't die then they would be gone by the time i reeled in a trophy bass. not big mouth billy bass, an actual fish. Many times without even thinking i would kill the many bugs that crawled on me at night while sleeping on a dirty mattress in my uncles basement. On one occasion, i even hit my dog with a baseball bat and it ran away. Yeah sure, i cried, but who wouldn't? Sometimes when i see snails i will pour salt on them and laugh by myself. This is starting to get scary, i need help... anyone?
Originally posted by emmilykrajnik: I'm reaching out for help. This could be my only chance before i end up doing something terrible. Tomorrow is my 19th birthday and i am afraid my thoughts are spiraling out of control. As a young child i have always ended up hurting living things... sometimes unconsciously. I would kill worms when putting them on my fish hook, and if they didn't die then they would be gone by the time i reeled in a trophy bass. not big mouth billy bass, an actual fish. Many times without even thinking i would kill the many bugs that crawled on me at night while sleeping on a dirty mattress in my uncles basement. On one occasion, i even hit my dog with a baseball bat and it ran away. Yeah sure, i cried, but who wouldn't? Sometimes when i see snails i will pour salt on them and laugh by myself. This is starting to get scary, i need help... anyone?
I understand what you are going through to some extent, and while reaching out to this sort of community is helpful, it is also minimal. You need help out in the real world, out where you are, out where you live. Assuming that you can not go to your family for this, I would find a mental health clinic and go through their intake process. If nothing else, you may be able to find professional help that will be of some assistance.
