I think because it's Josh's business, it is considered a "family" business and that seems to be OK for them, because she's technically with her husband. I doubt she could work at an outside business like a bank or something. Also, I bet she cuts back on her work at the carlot now that Baby is here.
I have to wonder how they make any $ off the car dealership at all. For starters, none of the Duggar guys strike me as being very knowledgeable about cars in general. You've got to know something about them or have a mechanic on hand who can fix them. Otherwise, word gets around that you sell lemons or don't know what the heck you're doing. I'd say most of the Duggar money is from the TLC show. I have no idea what the other Duggar kids have planned for their future but the car business isn't going to be a good fit for many more of them. Their reluctance to talk about a college education or trade school is troubling in the grand scheme of things. Remember Josh was supposedly going to go to law school? That kind of went out the window when he got hung up on Anna.
I read somewhere that quiverful people try whenever possible to work for themselves, that dosent mean just home based, it means they own the company (usually small and family run) that they work for
Not that they claim to be quiverful, and I myself have said that before. But say "for example" they adopted the same ideal as quiverful people in this instance... just like I adopt similar ideals as some christians without being activly christian )
Or maybe they are, but I do think they can like some of what QF belive without beliving in all of it. Im not convinced they are having all those kids to one day take over the world
Originally posted by cjvoz: I read somewhere that quiverful people try whenever possible to work for themselves, that dosent mean just home based, it means they own the company (usually small and family run) that they work for
Not that they claim to be quiverful, and I myself have said that before. But say "for example" they adopted the same ideal as quiverful people in this instance... just like I adopt similar ideals as some christians without being activly christian )
Or maybe they are, but I do think they can like some of what QF belive without beliving in all of it. Im not convinced they are having all those kids to one day take over the world
I don't know about taking over but I certainly think they are "training" them to be an army of sorts, to counter against they would consider bad influences or somehow dangerous...meaning many of us here.
I also doubt she is getting paid to be there. She is Josh's wife so therefor I bet has to be there to work, no pay it is for him. I don't know really just speculating but who knows. There is nothing wrong with having their own business but some of these businesses with these groups a re under the CHURCH so they become tax exempt. this is where i begin to have problems. i wonder if their busineses are listed as part of their church
Originally posted by cporange: I also doubt she is getting paid to be there. She is Josh's wife so therefor I bet has to be there to work, no pay it is for him. I don't know really just speculating but who knows. There is nothing wrong with having their own business but some of these businesses with these groups a re under the CHURCH so they become tax exempt. this is where i begin to have problems. i wonder if their busineses are listed as part of their church
I wonder if they even make very much money at their car business?
My husband was self employed when we met. When we married, I took over all his office work. At first I would write us both separate paychecks but then the accountant talked us into just the one salary. (his) so here we are 20plus years later and he still gets the paycheck while I still do the office work. BUT, since I "control" the money in our house, it really makes no difference. I sign his checks, make the deposits, pay the bills, etc. So for us whether we draw one check or two, it all goes into the same place. He's never had the attitude that it was HIS money. It's both ours. We can just as easily write out the checks each week to me but we've done it so long like this, why bother to change. (although we did actually switch over to a payroll service company and listed him as an "employee" so there is some differnce now... but I still sign his checks and handle the money!)
As long as Josh doesn't have the attitude that any money made is his and his alone it should be fine. If he gets an attitude about it, then yeah, she's in trouble.
they hedged on the question of the children going to college. saying josh has the car business and the second boy is starting a towing. and then some of the girls wanting to be midwives.
jb said it is very important for them to do something they enjoy doing. If it is so important that they do something they enjoy doing, why isn't josh and working towards politics, and the other one looking into piloting. They would enjoy that. they have said they would enjoy that. Do you really think they enjoy working at a used car lot and starting a towing business? what a waste of talent, if in fact both of them would have talent in politics or piloting.
he also said it is especially important for our sons realizing that its their responsibility to be the breadwinner to support their family with a decent income.
but they could make a better decent income if they went to college and got a degree. studies show that degrees pay for themselves in the long run.
i hope one of the kids actually goes to college and gets a degree despite all of the propaganda that has been forced on them.
if jb says it is so important for them to do something they enjoy doing, why don't they let them pursue what they really want to pursue! and stop encouraging them NOT to go to college.
not having the kids go to college is probably the biggest frustration I have of this family.
but in a way, living with your family that is paying all the bills for you, feeding you, getting paid to be on tv now and then etc, is an easy way of life. who wants to really work if they don't have to.
they don't get kicked out on their own when they turn 18, they aren't encouraged to pursue their dreams, which is sad.they don't pay rent after they are 18. which they should unless they are going to school. having responsibilities helps them become responsible adults.
i am just waiting for the one child to break free. I know there will be one. the odds are in the kids favor with 19 of them.
All in all they are just hypocrites. People like that never follow through all the way with what they say. The "bible thumper" type people. I really hope JB knows that vanity is a sin.
Vanity-excessive pride in one's appearance, qualities, abilities, achievements, etc.; character or quality of being vain; conceit: Failure to be elected was a great blow to his vanity.
Yeah, use a little more hairspray next time buddy.
So im just saying that you shouldnt take what these people say seriously. They just dont add up, its whacky.
DeeKay1- I understand that if your kid is over 18 and is not in school they should have a job or be doing something. Although I dont think that you should EVER make your own children pay rent for living with you. That is absolutely obnoxious! They are your kids and you need to help them out if you want them to succeed, and you dont do that by taking what little money they have away from them.
If I ever have kids, I would never do that and I would try to do my best to help them out in whatever way I can and love them to death!
Charging a child over 18 rent is called showing them what life is all about. That way they know that life is not a free ride and they are taught responsiblility. My sister and I both paid rent (not real rent $20 a week) but it taught the principle of paying your way.
mom9900- so your saying the second you turned 18 you had to pay your parents to live at your house??? I can understand you being all for it because thats how you were raised, but I think going to school and having a job is enough and that living with your parents should be free. Its hard enough with minumum wage jobs...and usually by the time you have kids that are 18+ years of age, you should have enough money where you wouldnt need to take away what little your teen has. Its greedy and abnoxious. Kids have the rest of their lives to support themselves so give them a break. It should be gradual. You dont want your kids to grow up to resent you.
If im an old lady some day with middle age kids, i know that they would do their best to help me out. (and prolly more so than a kid who would help out their stingy mother who made them pay rent)
If you have to pay your parents to live at home than it affects your whole relationship. I feel like it would be less loving.
I think that it depends on the situation, making your kids pay rent. If my kids were in college, I wouldn't make them pay (unless they were neglecting their studies.) If my adult kid(s) had fallen on hard times, I wouldn't mind them living with me gratis for a while. But if it turned into a protracted length, then I would start imposing a rent. I'm a firm believer in families taking care of each other as much as possible, but on the other hand, you don't want them to take advantage of you.
Originally posted by arnaras: I think that it depends on the situation, making your kids pay rent. If my kids were in college, I wouldn't make them pay (unless they were neglecting their studies.) If my adult kid(s) had fallen on hard times, I wouldn't mind them living with me gratis for a while. But if it turned into a protracted length, then I would start imposing a rent. I'm a firm believer in families taking care of each other as much as possible, but on the other hand, you don't want them to take advantage of you.
What if they buy their own personal items (shampoo, soap, make up, medicine, etc.) and they are working 45-50 hours a week so they are only at your house to take a shower and sleep before getting up to go to work. What, of yours, are they using that they should pay rent for? There are many adults, especially single women, who simply aren't making enough money to cover all the costs and if they could afford rent, they'd live on their own.
Or what if they are working and helping take care of a sick parent? You want rent on top of them giving up their freedom to live at home to help take care of you in your older years when you have several medical problems? Wow, no one in my family is that selfish.
Originally posted by arnaras: I think that it depends on the situation, making your kids pay rent. If my kids were in college, I wouldn't make them pay (unless they were neglecting their studies.) If my adult kid(s) had fallen on hard times, I wouldn't mind them living with me gratis for a while. But if it turned into a protracted length, then I would start imposing a rent. I'm a firm believer in families taking care of each other as much as possible, but on the other hand, you don't want them to take advantage of you.
What if they buy their own personal items (shampoo, soap, make up, medicine, etc.) and they are working 45-50 hours a week so they are only at your house to take a shower and sleep before getting up to go to work. What, of yours, are they using that they should pay rent for? There are many adults, especially singles women, who simply aren't making enough money to cover all the costs and if they could afford rent, they'd live on their own.
Or what if they are working and helping take care of a sick parent? You want rent on top of them giving up their freedom to live at home to help take care of you in your older years when you have several medical problems? Wow, no one in my family is that selfish.
Wow, did you not read the opening sentence?
What is it with the rude remarks tonight? And so personal? Feeling bad because it's Halloween?
I said it depended on the situation, and that's what I meant. If I were sick and they were taking care of me, no, of course not. If they were working, buying their own things, then I don't know. You ask what they're using. Well, utilities for one. Gas, electricity, internet, phone... it adds up. Yes, I know, because for a while, we had an in-law living at home. Free. My hubby and I paid for everything, and the guy was working. But there does come a time that people need to get on their own feet. After 2 years, we gave him a deadline, and we and he all agreed that was fair.
You make it sound as though no one should have any motivation though to be independent. If you can make ends meet with your current job, you get another one. In the meanwhile, you do what you have to. But perpetually being unable to support yourself isn't good.
Originally posted by arnaras: I think that it depends on the situation, making your kids pay rent. If my kids were in college, I wouldn't make them pay (unless they were neglecting their studies.) If my adult kid(s) had fallen on hard times, I wouldn't mind them living with me gratis for a while. But if it turned into a protracted length, then I would start imposing a rent. I'm a firm believer in families taking care of each other as much as possible, but on the other hand, you don't want them to take advantage of you.
What if they buy their own personal items (shampoo, soap, make up, medicine, etc.) and they are working 45-50 hours a week so they are only at your house to take a shower and sleep before getting up to go to work. What, of yours, are they using that they should pay rent for? There are many adults, especially singles women, who simply aren't making enough money to cover all the costs and if they could afford rent, they'd live on their own.
Or what if they are working and helping take care of a sick parent? You want rent on top of them giving up their freedom to live at home to help take care of you in your older years when you have several medical problems? Wow, no one in my family is that selfish.
Wow, did you not read the opening sentence?
What is it with the rude remarks tonight? And so personal? Feeling bad because it's Halloween?
I said it depended on the situation, and that's what I meant. If I were sick and they were taking care of me, no, of course not. If they were working, buying their own things, then I don't know. You ask what they're using. Well, utilities for one. Gas, electricity, internet, phone... it adds up. Yes, I know, because for a while, we had an in-law living at home. Free. My hubby and I paid for everything, and the guy was working. But there does come a time that people need to get on their own feet. After 2 years, we gave him a deadline, and we and he all agreed that was fair.
You make it sound as though no one should have any motivation though to be independent. If you can make ends meet with your current job, you get another one. In the meanwhile, you do what you have to. But perpetually being unable to support yourself isn't good.
Yes, I read the opening sentence. But I was asking about specific situations. Like I said, if they are working 50 hours a week, I doubt there would be time for them to come home and get on the internet and most people have their own cell phone now so there would be no use for them to have their friends/potential job interviewers calling your phone number.
By the way, if the economy were a little better, part-time jobs would be easier to come by but the competition for every job is so extreme right now, you can't just go out and fill out an application and come home with a part-time job. It's very easy for those who have not felt the crunch of the economic disaster to sit and say "go out and get another job," it's easier said than done. And as I mentioned, if you are already working 50 hours a week, when do you do this part-time job? Some work jobs where they never know when they are going to be expected to work overtime on any given evening. Part-time jobs don't really work well when you have to keep calling them to say, "I have to stay late at my 'real' job."
Not trying to be rude, just trying to bring up that not all people are freeloaders like your brother-in-law seems to have been.
Originally posted by ppatten: Yes, I read the opening sentence. But I was asking about specific situations. Like I said, if they are working 50 hours a week, I doubt there would be time for them to come home and get on the internet and most people have their own cell phone now so there would be no use for them to have their friends/potential job interviewers calling your phone number.
LOL. You need to meet my husband. He works 60-70 hours a week, and still manages to find time to use our cable TV, the internet, and use his cell phone. I certainly am able to do all of that working, and more. I'm able to take Tae Kwon Do classes as well. A fifty hour work week still leaves plenty of time for other things.
quote:
By the way, if the economy were a little better, part-time jobs would be easier to come by but the competition for every job is so extreme right now, you can't just go out and fill out an application and come home with a part-time job. It's very easy for those who have not felt the crunch of the economic disaster to sit and say "go out and get another job," it's easier said than done. And as I mentioned, if you are already working 50 hours a week, when do you do this part-time job? Some work jobs where they never know when they are going to be expected to work overtime on any given evening. Part-time jobs don't really work well when you have to keep calling them to say, "I have to stay late at my 'real' job."
You can easily job hunt while you're still employed. I've done it before. It's going to take longer these days, I completely agree. But I think that it's an excuse to say that it can't be done. I know people who *do* work two jobs, and are still able to do things like study. It just depends on how motivated you are.
quote:
Not trying to be rude, just trying to bring up that not all people are freeloaders like your brother-in-law seems to have been.
It had sounded as though you thought I was some sort of evil person, especially with your family comment. I know that not everyone is a freeloader. I'm pretty patient, even when they are. But I also think that in many circumstance, I think that people can get complacent, and lose motivation to pick themselves up.
Originally posted by ppatten: Yes, I read the opening sentence. But I was asking about specific situations. Like I said, if they are working 50 hours a week, I doubt there would be time for them to come home and get on the internet and most people have their own cell phone now so there would be no use for them to have their friends/potential job interviewers calling your phone number.
LOL. You need to meet my husband. He works 60-70 hours a week, and still manages to find time to use our cable TV, the internet, and use his cell phone. I certainly am able to do all of that working, and more. I'm able to take Tae Kwon Do classes as well. A fifty hour work week still leaves plenty of time for other things.
quote:
By the way, if the economy were a little better, part-time jobs would be easier to come by but the competition for every job is so extreme right now, you can't just go out and fill out an application and come home with a part-time job. It's very easy for those who have not felt the crunch of the economic disaster to sit and say "go out and get another job," it's easier said than done. And as I mentioned, if you are already working 50 hours a week, when do you do this part-time job? Some work jobs where they never know when they are going to be expected to work overtime on any given evening. Part-time jobs don't really work well when you have to keep calling them to say, "I have to stay late at my 'real' job."
You can easily job hunt while you're still employed. I've done it before. It's going to take longer these days, I completely agree. But I think that it's an excuse to say that it can't be done. I know people who *do* work two jobs, and are still able to do things like study. It just depends on how motivated you are.
quote:
Not trying to be rude, just trying to bring up that not all people are freeloaders like your brother-in-law seems to have been.
It had sounded as though you thought I was some sort of evil person, especially with your family comment. I know that not everyone is a freeloader. I'm pretty patient, even when they are. But I also think that in many circumstance, I think that people can get complacent, and lose motivation to pick themselves up.
I know alot of people work 2 and 3 jobs, when they can get them. And I didn't say it couldn't be done, just that its not as easy. I have a couple of friends and a cousin who have had a terrible time finding a job, and it's not because they are not motivated to take care of themselves. It's just been hard times.
I myself work 60 hours a week some weeks (in addition to taking some work home), and I'm going through an alternative teacher certification program to get a teaching job.
I could use the extra income of a part-time or contract job, but quite frankly with my full-time job and the teacher training class and studying for the certification test, I really need the 6 hours of sleep I manage to get. I used to be very involved in my amateur astronmer's club, but I simply don't have the time to devote to it right now, and that was my relaxation time where I could be with others who enjoy sitting outside in cold weather studying the stars.
I'm on this board right now only because I'm taking a break from studying and getting ready to sit and watch a good Halloween movie.
Interesting topic. Things are definately harder these days as far as working/school/etc. for teens/young adults. WHen I was in high school our family policy was that if we wanted a car Dad would give us some money to buy one (if we wanted one that was more than his budget we'd have to pay the rest) Then we had to get a job/have a job in order to pay for our gas and maintanance. We were also supposed to pay for our insurance as well. When I was a teen, these things were pretty do-able. I worked about 20 hours a week (and got high school credit with early release) My intention was to use that same policy with my kids. However, it seems much more difficult. My oldest daughter went to a private school that had classes scheduled like collage classes so she had class monday, wednesday, and friday. She was able to get a job working on her off day, evenings, and weekends. We allowed her to use a car my parents gave us but we didn't enforce her paying the insurance. She is in college now and we do make her pay her own gas and insurance (and clothes and whatever else she wants) but she can't work enough/earn enough to support herself enough to have an apartment. This seems to be a good compromise. She does work and pays for enough of her responsibilies to feel like she's doing her part while at the same time recognizing that we're helping her by providing all the other necessities she can't at her age and place in life (college student). I think this is good trainging and when she is ready to move out she will do fine. Our son is 16 but runs cross country so doesn't get home until after 5:30 each night. He was able to work over the summer to save money (for the things he wants to buy/spending money) but so far has been unable to work during the week. (he'd worked for an electrical contracting company and they don't have night or weekend hours). He just this past week put in an application at a grocery store to try and at least get some hours on the weekend. He drives an older truck his grandad left him when he passed away 2 years ago. We agreed to pay his insurance until he's out of high school but then he is responsible. We also give him a "gas allowance" enough to cover his trips to and from school but if he uses that up he has to pay for his gas out of his pocket. Again, it seems a good compromise in that it is teaching him responsibility and money management. Neither of my kids act like they are entitled or expect us to pay for everything like we did when they were younger. THey understand that with grown up priviledges (like driving a vehicle) come responsibilites. If they don't want to drive a car then they don't have to work but they can't have it both ways. (however, like I said it is harder for them to have a job with their school work load than it was for me so we are cutting them more slack than what we had as kids and don't make them pay for everything!)
We know many people who paid for everything for their children while they were in school/living at home/in college and many of those "kids" have a difficult time in the real world after they have to stand on their own feet. I am hoping to teach my kids while they are at home so that the transition into adulthood is smoother. My parents know many, many people whose grown children (and their families) have come back home and expect their parents to support them. I'm not talking about a family running into financial hardship because of a job loss or divorce or death, but those that still expect the parents to financially take care of them and the grandchildren. They seem to have a sence of entitlement.
Bringing this discussion back to the Duggars, we really don't know alot about their personal finances or what's going on with the adult children living at home. It appears that JB plans to support the girls until they are out of the house since so far none seem to be taking outside jobs. It also appears he is actively helping the older boys get started in a business so they can be finanically independant from JB and Michelle. While I agree with helping them to become finanically independant, I wish the same options were made available to the girls. EVERYONE needs to have skills with which they can earn money if the situation requires it. JB may be able to support everyone now, but if some of them decide to "come back home" after they've married and had families of their own (like the stories I hear from my parents) then that would be a real challange.
Registered: 12-23-08 Posts: 864 Posted 10-31-09 07:09 PM quote: Originally posted by ppatten:
quote: Originally posted by arnaras: I think that it depends on the situation, making your kids pay rent. If my kids were in college, I wouldn't make them pay (unless they were neglecting their studies.) If my adult kid(s) had fallen on hard times, I wouldn't mind them living with me gratis for a while. But if it turned into a protracted length, then I would start imposing a rent. I'm a firm believer in families taking care of each other as much as possible, but on the other hand, you don't want them to take advantage of you.
What if they buy their own personal items (shampoo, soap, make up, medicine, etc.) and they are working 45-50 hours a week so they are only at your house to take a shower and sleep before getting up to go to work. What, of yours, are they using that they should pay rent for? There are many adults, especially singles women, who simply aren't making enough money to cover all the costs and if they could afford rent, they'd live on their own.
Or what if they are working and helping take care of a sick parent? You want rent on top of them giving up their freedom to live at home to help take care of you in your older years when you have several medical problems? Wow, no one in my family is that selfish.
Wow, did you not read the opening sentence?
What is it with the rude remarks tonight? And so personal? Feeling bad because it's Halloween?
I said it depended on the situation, and that's what I meant. If I were sick and they were taking care of me, no, of course not. If they were working, buying their own things, then I don't know. You ask what they're using. Well, utilities for one. Gas, electricity, internet, phone... it adds up. Yes, I know, because for a while, we had an in-law living at home. Free. My hubby and I paid for everything, and the guy was working. But there does come a time that people need to get on their own feet. After 2 years, we gave him a deadline, and we and he all agreed that was fair.
You make it sound as though no one should have any motivation though to be independent. If you can make ends meet with your current job, you get another one. In the meanwhile, you do what you have to. But perpetually being unable to support yourself isn't good.
quote:
arnaras Senior Member
Registered: 12-23-08 Posts: 864 Posted 10-31-09 07:09 PM quote: Originally posted by ppatten:
quote: Originally posted by arnaras: I think that it depends on the situation, making your kids pay rent. If my kids were in college, I wouldn't make them pay (unless they were neglecting their studies.) If my adult kid(s) had fallen on hard times, I wouldn't mind them living with me gratis for a while. But if it turned into a protracted length, then I would start imposing a rent. I'm a firm believer in families taking care of each other as much as possible, but on the other hand, you don't want them to take advantage of you.
What if they buy their own personal items (shampoo, soap, make up, medicine, etc.) and they are working 45-50 hours a week so they are only at your house to take a shower and sleep before getting up to go to work. What, of yours, are they using that they should pay rent for? There are many adults, especially singles women, who simply aren't making enough money to cover all the costs and if they could afford rent, they'd live on their own.
Or what if they are working and helping take care of a sick parent? You want rent on top of them giving up their freedom to live at home to help take care of you in your older years when you have several medical problems? Wow, no one in my family is that selfish.
Wow, did you not read the opening sentence?
What is it with the rude remarks tonight? And so personal? Feeling bad because it's Halloween?
I said it depended on the situation, and that's what I meant. If I were sick and they were taking care of me, no, of course not. If they were working, buying their own things, then I don't know. You ask what they're using. Well, utilities for one. Gas, electricity, internet, phone... it adds up. Yes, I know, because for a while, we had an in-law living at home. Free. My hubby and I paid for everything, and the guy was working. But there does come a time that people need to get on their own feet. After 2 years, we gave him a deadline, and we and he all agreed that was fair.
You make it sound as though no one should have any motivation though to be independent. If you can make ends meet with your current job, you get another one. In the meanwhile, you do what you have to. But perpetually being unable to support yourself isn't good.
So arnaras, your pretty much saying that unless your kid is taking care of you in your time of need, they should pay.
Oh thats not cold at all...unless they are helping out YOU they should be paying you. Whatever happened to the loving mother chiled relationship. Thats so cheap.
CDT - I am not sure you are reading the entire post before calling names, etc.
A "failure to launch" child is going to pay me rent. A child making their lives better (be it college or after a problem in their lives, etc) would be different.
As Arnaras said, it just depends on the situation.
If you are happy supporting your children forever then that is your choice and I hope you can do it. I think you are doing them a disservice just as you think charging them rent is wrong.
Back on topic - Anna works there because it is a family business and there just isn't enough women's work yet to keep her busy 24/7. She would not be allowed to work for anyone else. It is odd to me that she works there as she doesn't know the difference between a manual and an automatic even. I doubt there is even enough paper work to keep her busy but I can see her wanting to be there right now. She gets to spend all her time with Joshy (ick) and her baby. At home, what would keep her busy? Different story when they are on baby 10.
My kids are all too young for me to collect rent from (my oldest is only 6 ) but here is what I hope to do when they are adults. If my child lives at home as an adult, he will pay monthly rent. We will collect the rent and put it into a savings account for him. When he moves out, he will receive this savings account ! I think this is a nice way to teach savings and responsibility.
Originally posted by chicagochris3: My kids are all too young for me to collect rent from (my oldest is only 6 ) but here is what I hope to do when they are adults. If my child lives at home as an adult, he will pay monthly rent. We will collect the rent and put it into a savings account for him. When he moves out, he will receive this savings account ! I think this is a nice way to teach savings and responsibility.
I agree on that. My son is in college so we haven't charged him. We want him to focus on school. If he stops going to school then we would collect some type of rent that he would get when he moved out. As far as this topic goes I would agree that since it's a family business it's probably acceptable for Anna to work there.
I hadn't thought of that (charging rent but giving it back when they moved out). Interesting idea. Right now my oldest lives at home and attends community college but plans to transfer next fall. She's working but doesn't earn enough to live independantly but we do ask her to pay for all her vehicle expenses. Perhaps we can use this idea if she needs to move back home for a short time after college while she's looking for a full time position.
Oh, and I had to laugh when a posted was mentioning that there's not enough "woman's work" yet with just the one baby. I was a stay at home mom when my first was born. I did not manage my time well at all. My husband was frustrated with my and my lack of housekeeping. I sat down and wrote out how I spent my day. 30 minutes to nurse, 20 minutes to burp, 30 minutes getting baby to sleep, etc.... I filled up my whole day - but like I said I didn't really use my time efficiently and I'm sure I played with the baby when I could have been doing laundry or whatever. I slept when she did so didn't get work done during nap time either. When I look back on those days I have to laugh at myself. I truely was more overwhelmed with the work involved with my first two kids then when my others came along. It is true that having 2 young children close together is alot harder than , well, lets just say more than 3!
I do hope you know I was being sarcastic when I said that. I believe that is what the Duggars think though. If I were Anna, I am not sure I could stand that total isolation. She doesn't have friends or relatives close to her that aren't "Duggar" related. I can't imagine having on my in-laws around.
I knew. But it was funny. I also totally agree with Anna being isolated. It doesn't appear she has any means of getting to know other people in her community so she is limited to the friendships she's made with the Duggars. If she gets along with them and enjoys thier company that at least she has that. If not, then it would be a very hard way to live.
Originally posted by CDT121777: So arnaras, your pretty much saying that unless your kid is taking care of you in your time of need, they should pay.
Oh thats not cold at all...unless they are helping out YOU they should be paying you. Whatever happened to the loving mother chiled relationship. Thats so cheap.
I guess you missed the part where I mentioned that my brother-in-la lived with us for over two years, for free. And no, he wasn't taking care of us. I guess you also missed the part where I said, twice now, that it depends on the situation.
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Originally posted by lllovell: CDT - I am not sure you are reading the entire post before calling names, etc.
A "failure to launch" child is going to pay me rent. A child making their lives better (be it college or after a problem in their lives, etc) would be different.
As Arnaras said, it just depends on the situation.
If you are happy supporting your children forever then that is your choice and I hope you can do it. I think you are doing them a disservice just as you think charging them rent is wrong.
Back on topic - Anna works there because it is a family business and there just isn't enough women's work yet to keep her busy 24/7. She would not be allowed to work for anyone else. It is odd to me that she works there as she doesn't know the difference between a manual and an automatic even. I doubt there is even enough paper work to keep her busy but I can see her wanting to be there right now. She gets to spend all her time with Joshy (ick) and her baby. At home, what would keep her busy? Different story when they are on baby 10.
LLL
Thank you.
Not to be insulting to Anna, but how does one grow up and never even learn the difference between an automatic and a standard? I understand not knowing how to drive both, but not even knowing of them? I think Josh should spend some time with his wife and help her learn about cars.
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lllovell- How am i calling names? I just said that it sounds like a cold relationship. Also FYT I dont even have kids.
I do believe in responsibility and I understand that your kids should help you out...but I dont think that at such a young age should your teen/young adalt be paying you. I was just commenting on how cold I thought it was. Also, there is a big diffrence between a brother in law, and your own chiled.
Thanks.
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Originally posted by CDT121777: lllovell- How am i calling names? I just said that it sounds like a cold relationship. Also FYT I dont even have kids.
I do believe in responsibility and I understand that your kids should help you out...but I dont think that at such a young age should your teen/young adalt be paying you.
I was just commenting on how cold I thought it was. Also, there is a big diffrence between a brother in law, and your own chiled.
Thanks.
Hmm... let's look over what you said. "Oh thats not cold at all...unless they are helping out YOU they should be paying you. Whatever happened to the loving mother chiled relationship. Thats so cheap." You're stating - falsely - that I believe that kids only stay free with their parents if they're helping out. You then called that attitude "so cheap." Your comments were made directly to me, in response to a post I made. When you say that someone is cheap with a cold relationship, that is a personal attack. How do you not see that?
As for saying you can't read, well, I said in two post "It depends on the situation." You missed that, twice. You then apparently glazed over my entire explanation (both of them), and came to a completely erroneous summary of my stated thoughts. So while you may be able to read, you didn't show it very well at all.
By the by, calling my post "BS" *is* insulting, and far from anything that I've ever done. Congratulate yourself for being a mature adult.
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Arnaras - I completely agree with you on the rent thing. If an adult child is living at home, working and not going to school they are going to be paying rent. I supported my kids while they were in school (actually my youngest is still in college, heaven help us ) but she has her own apartment. We still pay for school and help sometimes with her bills.
CDT - You say you don't even have kids. I think your inexperience in these matters definitely shows. No one knows how they will raise children until they have their own. I had a lot of ideas about child raising myself until I had kids.
Please exercise tolerance and patience when replying to each other. While you are the owner of your opinion - please convey it respectfully with regard to others.
Any other comments relevant to Anna working in the car lot...? Now that they have a child... are those days over? And if she does continue... is it really any type of "liberation"?
Originally posted by mod_kelly: Any other comments relevant to Anna working in the car lot...? Now that they have a child... are those days over? And if she does continue... is it really any type of "liberation"?
I think that depending on what Josh wants, Anna may take the baby to the dealership and keep her in a playpen or something during the day while she helps Joshy Boy. Or she'll now be tied to their little house to anxiously await the next time she gets pregnant. I think it can become very isolating, even if you have four or five sisters-in-law to hang around with -- they are younger and aren't married.
Whoah Theres no reason to call someone out for not having kids. I dotn have kids either but understand perfectly. I lived with my parents as a young adult and seldom paid expenses. I ddint work very long and min wage then was like $5.45 or something. I think it does depend on the situation like if one of the parents is widow/widower, disabled, or sick for while. Then you dont take for granted. Making them take care of too many expenses is showing lack of self control on the parents part. My bil is an example. The older daughter our niece has to help out with expenses because of their past frivolity. The younger sister needed cash for academic trips and guess who paid? Same thing with food. It is not her job nor ours to pick up the tab and she isnt living with them. I even told my hubby . Actually its no ones responsibilty but theirs. they should be taking care of their own.I often debated with late mil on this but thats another topic. Just b/c a child is working is no reason to take advantage. Yes they help out but only if needed. Of course it dont look as if any of the Duggar girls have this option of independence.
Back OT I think the working outside the home ends with the kids . Why doesnt it start from the beginning? I have no kids so this means I should work or htose with kids should quit their jobs? It makes no sense.
If women can't work out of the home, why does Anna work at the carlot?
Originally posted by chengdu: It is not a home-based business, after all.
Do they consider Anna actually "working" or just "helping out"?
I say this because if my husband owned his own business and I "stepped in" to help when he was unavailable, I don't know that I would consider myself "working".
It's clear, from the show, that Anna often is at the car lot with Josh. But is she there every day, in a 9-5 position? Or is it more of a "I don't have much going on today, the house is clean and the groceries are bought, so I might as well go to the carlot with you" kind of situation?
I missed a few epidodes, but the Bradley class episode gave me the impression she was there a lot. The instuctor asked her about practicing her exercises and she joked she went in the back room and "locked the door." I would assume if she was just dropping by when she was bored or lonely, she'd have done the exercises in the comfort of her own home before her arrival.
I think this topic needs to close because we all come from different backgrounds and we are raised to believe differently. We can agree to disagree.
Some of us are part of families who were taught that you help out whoever is in need because that is the right thing to do. My grandfather and grandmother used to leave the day's left overs on their front porch for the hobos getting off the train across the road from their house. For some on here, I'm sure that is something you'd never think of doing. But my grandfather felt it was everyone's responsibility to help others whether they were "lazy bums" or if they are just having a hard time in a crashing economy (10% unemployement folks). And my grandfather had to use a wheelchair himself, by the way, but he worked full time and taught all of his children to help others without expecting something in return.
I know that other families were not raised this way. It just depends on your background and experience, not whether you have kids and are "qualified" to say you would or wouldn't charge rent. So let's get back on the topic of why Anna can work at the car lot, shall we?
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Originally posted by ppatten: I think this topic needs to close because we all come from different backgrounds and we are raised to believe differently. We can agree to disagree.
Some of us are part of families who were taught that you help out whoever is in need because that is the right thing to do. My grandfather and grandmother used to leave the day's left overs on their front porch for the hobos getting off the train across the road from their house. For some on here, I'm sure that is something you'd never think of doing. But my grandfather felt it was everyone's responsibility to help others whether they were "lazy bums" or if they are just having a hard time in a crashing economy (10% unemployement folks). And my grandfather had to use a wheelchair himself, by the way, but he worked full time and taught all of his children to help others without expecting something in return.
I know that other families were not raised this way. It just depends on your background and experience, not whether you have kids and are "qualified" to say you would or wouldn't charge rent. So let's get back on the topic of why Anna can work at the car lot, shall we?
If we go on that logic, then we should just shut down the board here, as every thread has people with differing opinions on it. Just because we can't agree doesn't mean a thread should be closed.
Originally posted by ppatten: I think this topic needs to close because we all come from different backgrounds and we are raised to believe differently. We can agree to disagree.
Some of us are part of families who were taught that you help out whoever is in need because that is the right thing to do. My grandfather and grandmother used to leave the day's left overs on their front porch for the hobos getting off the train across the road from their house. For some on here, I'm sure that is something you'd never think of doing. But my grandfather felt it was everyone's responsibility to help others whether they were "lazy bums" or if they are just having a hard time in a crashing economy (10% unemployement folks). And my grandfather had to use a wheelchair himself, by the way, but he worked full time and taught all of his children to help others without expecting something in return.
I know that other families were not raised this way. It just depends on your background and experience, not whether you have kids and are "qualified" to say you would or wouldn't charge rent. So let's get back on the topic of why Anna can work at the car lot, shall we?
If we go on that logic, then we should just shut down the board here, as every thread has people with differing opinions on it. Just because we can't agree doesn't mean a thread should be closed.
I meant since this topic seems to be one that brought out alot of personal attacks as opposed to others.
Forums 
He works 60-70 hours a week, and still manages to find time to use our cable TV, the internet, and use his cell phone.
) but she has her own apartment. We still pay for school and help sometimes with her bills. 