Can someone explain the difference between dating and courting? I guess, if we use Joah and Anna as an example, they were courting because they had gotten to know each other via group activities, and had just about decided on each other as a spouse. Right? But, why do JB and Michelle go on "date nights" if they don't want their children to "date"? Shouldn't they go on a "courting night"? Or, would that still involve a chaperone?

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Originally posted by th77046:
Can someone explain the difference between dating and courting? I guess, if we use Joah and Anna as an example, they were courting because they had gotten to know each other via group activities, and had just about decided on each other as a spouse. Right? But, why do JB and Michelle go on "date nights" if they don't want their children to "date"? Shouldn't they go on a "courting night"? Or, would that still involve a chaperone?

That's a good point. Since dating is supposedly practicing for divorce, as Mr. Keller explained it, then why is it okay for married folks to go on dates? Seems a little hypocritical to me.

The concept is a bit screwed up because it puts way too much pressure on people to marry. You aren't always going to hit it off with someone & you don't know someone well until you've dated for a while and that would include without parents or chaperons around. I don't think Anna could have backed out of getting married if she'd wanted to. She was obligated from the very beginning. Not a good way to start out in my opinion.

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Originally posted by ppatten:

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Originally posted by th77046:
Can someone explain the difference between dating and courting? I guess, if we use Joah and Anna as an example, they were courting because they had gotten to know each other via group activities, and had just about decided on each other as a spouse. Right? But, why do JB and Michelle go on "date nights" if they don't want their children to "date"? Shouldn't they go on a "courting night"? Or, would that still involve a chaperone?

That's a good point. Since dating is supposedly practicing for divorce, as Mr. Keller explained it, then why is it okay for married folks to go on dates? Seems a little hypocritical to me.

I guess in the Duggar world courting is what you do before marriage, and dating is what you do after you're married. Thus, courting = no s*x and dating = s*x.

I don't think dating equals having sex. To say that is not giving much credit to people who date in order to get to know someone. How the heck are you going to know who you want to marry if you don't get to know someone? Personally, I thought the "no kissing" thing was just plain strange when Josh/Anna were dating. To my knowledge, neither one of these people had ever spent much time with the opposite sex before (other than family) and I think they were not fully developed emotionally before tying the knot. Now, to see Josh' web site, you'd think he wrote the book on marriage. Just part of his pompous persona now that he's famous I guess.

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Originally posted by CalicoCat:

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Originally posted by ppatten:

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Originally posted by th77046:
Can someone explain the difference between dating and courting? I guess, if we use Joah and Anna as an example, they were courting because they had gotten to know each other via group activities, and had just about decided on each other as a spouse. Right? But, why do JB and Michelle go on "date nights" if they don't want their children to "date"? Shouldn't they go on a "courting night"? Or, would that still involve a chaperone?

That's a good point. Since dating is supposedly practicing for divorce, as Mr. Keller explained it, then why is it okay for married folks to go on dates? Seems a little hypocritical to me.

I guess in the Duggar world courting is what you do before marriage, and dating is what you do after you're married. Thus, courting = no s*x and dating = s*x.

I don't get the courting thing either. I guess in their world, dating means you are having sex?
I also think it is ridiculous to have to have a chaperon once you are engaged. The daughter that was their chaperon said they need a chaperon because if they didn't, bad things could happen. I take it hugging and kissing are bad, but holding hands is ok? I also think the parents tell the kids it's a sin to have any "impure" thoughts until they are married. Sounds strange to me, but to each his own.

So, if a courtship doesn't work out, can you court again? Or, do you have to make it work out no matter what?

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Originally posted by linda218:

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Originally posted by CalicoCat:

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Originally posted by ppatten:

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Originally posted by th77046:
Can someone explain the difference between dating and courting? I guess, if we use Joah and Anna as an example, they were courting because they had gotten to know each other via group activities, and had just about decided on each other as a spouse. Right? But, why do JB and Michelle go on "date nights" if they don't want their children to "date"? Shouldn't they go on a "courting night"? Or, would that still involve a chaperone?

That's a good point. Since dating is supposedly practicing for divorce, as Mr. Keller explained it, then why is it okay for married folks to go on dates? Seems a little hypocritical to me.

I guess in the Duggar world courting is what you do before marriage, and dating is what you do after you're married. Thus, courting = no s*x and dating = s*x.

I don't get the courting thing either. I guess in their world, dating means you are having sex?
I also think it is ridiculous to have to have a chaperon once you are engaged. The daughter that was their chaperon said they need a chaperon because if they didn't, bad things could happen. I take it hugging and kissing are bad, but holding hands is ok? I also think the parents tell the kids it's a sin to have any "impure" thoughts until they are married. Sounds strange to me, but to each his own.

It's all about extremes. Dating equals sex. Birth control and sex education equals sex. Dancing equals sex. Crazy, isn't it? There are so many good, honest people out there who date and dance, who are educated, and aren't sleeping around. Perhaps these people need to mingle with the Duggars and people like them. Might open their eyes some.

Does it strike anyone that the chaperon policy speaks to the lack of trust the parents and others have towards the young adults? Or do the people who are courting not have a modicum of self control? It seems very odd that people who aren't that far away from marriage aren't trusted and don't have any self control.

Since I dont' know alot about courtship I was wondering if someone else here might be able to answer a question.
From what I understand about courtship the two young people (I assume it is mostly young people) have met and learned enough about each other that they feel they might be prospective mates. At that point the parents are brought into the equation and permission is sought to "court" meaning that they will continue to get to know each other for the purpose of seeing if this is who they are to marry. If they determine they want to marry then a short engagement takes place and then the two are married.

My question is this. The Duggars standards for courtship includes "no alone time" or constant chaparons. Is this the norm or just a particular standard they are following? I would think that there would still be variations within the "courtship community" as to what is allowed but I really don't know.

I guess if one family is more "strict" than another then the standards of more strict of the two would be followed?

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Originally posted by mitsy12:
I don't think dating equals having sex. To say that is not giving much credit to people who date in order to get to know someone. How the heck are you going to know who you want to marry if you don't get to know someone? Personally, I thought the "no kissing" thing was just plain strange when Josh/Anna were dating. To my knowledge, neither one of these people had ever spent much time with the opposite sex before (other than family) and I think they were not fully developed emotionally before tying the knot. Now, to see Josh' web site, you'd think he wrote the book on marriage. Just part of his pompous persona now that he's famous I guess.

I think you may have misunderstood my point. With tongue in cheek, I was trying to show that in the black/white Duggar world courting involves nothing more than hand holding, but that since married couples are permitted to "date", then sex is allowed in dating.

I got what you meant, but this play on words as far as "courting" vs. "dating" is kind of insulting to begin with. Most people who date or court don't need a chaperone. People who want to have sex will do it regardless. If you are old enough to date, then you are old enough to not need to be babysat by your parents. I can't think of anything anymore uninviting or uncomfortable than having third wheel parents on a date. Anna's parents being at the table when he proposed was extremely strange. I felt bad for Anna but the no kissing thing is something that Jim Bob & Michelle didn't sign up for. Maybe Josh was encouraged by his parents though. I don't know..I just know that someone needs to get to know someone BEFORE they tie the knot and I think both Anna & Josh were too immature for marriage to begin with. Now, they are spouting out babies and my guess is that she'll have a truck load just like Michelle. Sad...very sad.