he married when he was 21 and it lasted for 5 years, they reunited temporarily about 10 yrs later and had a child who is now 6, they continue a "relationship" and live a block apart...I moved in as a room mate with him and he started a frinds w/benefits relationship when he was drunk one nite, said he was "unavailable" he went on the wagon and the our relationship got rocky but then it got better and now I feel like there is even some emotion on his part, but heis still at the beck and call of the ex-wife who only lives a block away, they share custody 50/50...the problem is I never really know what's going to happen next (do we ever?) but he has done some things lately that show caring more than just sex...I am falling in love...I could go on and on but this should be enough to get some feedback on what direction I should take..Sunday

Hey Sunday,

Not sure what you are really asking in your note. From what I can gather is you started this "friends with benefits" deal with your roommate with no intentions of anything other than sex. As things progressed it seems like you certainly have developed feelings for him and now he is showing signs of romantic feelings for you. So my first question is - is that a problem? I am assuming he is divorced as all you have stated is marriage only lasted 5 yrs. So if he is still married to her then you better restrain yourself from taking this relationship any further since he is a married man. If he is divorced and he is showing signs of interest in a long term relationship with you then I must ask what's the big deal? Is tha not a good thing?

hi nunnzie, i am on a library computer and it is hard to reply because i haveto install some program everytime and i am not real computer literate, anyway thank you for replying...no, he is divorced but i think he is still in love with her and is in turmoil because the relationship doesn't work (apparently) but i have found notes, for example he asked her to fax something for him and signed it Love...(his name) and I found a card from her (I don't know how old it is but he has only been in this house for 2 years and its a love card...I Love how you understand me, I love how you help etc, they went out on Valentines and spent a lot of time at Christmas together, even overnight, but he says they don't have sex, well he said they had had sex 3-4 times a year but he didn't think that was going to continue anymore, and one of the reasons they broke up in the first place was her lack of sex drive and she's very condescending, which he still puts up with, he says she is his best friend but our relationship is a secret because, when he dated once before, she got all bent out of shape and won't allow women in the house because of the daughter, even when it's her weekend to have the daughter, so I am convenient, I am the roommate and that is all...but recently when his daughter was sick and he stayed at ex-wifes house for 3 days he apologized that he wasn't at home, he has called me from her house recently to say that he won't be home and didn't want me to worry...he's never called from her house before...but we don't do anything together except for the sex, then it's just roommate talk, no stolen kissses or winks or any sign that there is anything going on at all, our sex is great but I hold back somewhat because I don't want to show any emotion and I don't dare say i love you...recenly i went out of town and there were signs he had had sex while I was gone (I won't go into detail why I thought so, but there were signs and woman's intuition) but he said he just masterbated, I didn't believe him and he seemed upset and came home after doing an errand and passionately grabbed me, kissed me and we had great sex, and thinking about it more I don't think he did have sex with anyone he has a very high sex drive and I do know that he masterbates a lot. The daughter is 6 and he has told me he spends so much time with her because he doesn't trust his ex-wife's mother skills and if he didn't do it it wouldn't get done, but I wish we could do things togetherdid rent a movie the other nite and after she went to bed we watched a movie together...I'm 57 and he's 43, I feel a love that i heve never felt before, like it's developing, my previous relationships of which there are many were lust and want, but i don't think I have accepted someone before for who they are, faults and all, and love them anyway, but is it my age and this is the last chance? am I clinging to something that i hope is there but isn't how do i know, just wait and see???

oh nunnzie, they have to review my reply because of some language I used I don't know it I can give you my e-mail address on here but here goes...sundelinaila@Yahoo.com

Hey Sunday - sorry for the slow reply. I am on the road in Europe this week so hard to get on the comupter.

Your repsonce helped clear things up with your situation. It seems as if the guy and his ex are really in love with each other but just cannot stand to live with each other for whatever reason. I have seen this before (with a guy I work with) as he divorced and moved out but still they would manage to get together every couple of weeks and have sex. But it was clear from him that she would irritate the heck out of him when they were living together. But I could tell he still had an enormous love for her even though he couldn't stand the thought of living with her.

From what you wrote he probably doesn't have any desire for anything to change. He has the best of both worlds - a women he loves nearby, his daughter nearby and a woman he lives with to meet his sexual needs. He may even have some feelings for you but I doubt he will ever act on them. First he is either making the stuff up about his ex won't allow other women in her home or if it is true she is still in love with him and is jelous about him being with other women. Think about it - if he really was interested in you or another woman do you really think he wouldn't stand up to his ex and force the issue of having another woman in his life? No way. Also - the age difference is probably a barrier for him. Being 14 years his elder would be a problem for most people to begin with - add on top of that his situation with his ex then you can see that this is a problem.

So my advice to you is you should stop thinking you have much of a chance turning your relationship with him into something bigger. He isn't motivated to do so and all you will do is get more frustrated as you continue to try. If you are ok with the status quo of this "friends with benefits" thing then go for it as he won't turn down any freebies anytime soon.

If you are interested in finding mr right for yourself then you need to shut him down and focus your attention elsewhere. Yes you probably are changing in your ability to be less selective as you age. When single people get closer to retirement they do start worrying that they will be all alone when they retire and age. So it is common for people to desire a marriage late in their years because of fear of dying lonely. That's why a lot of widows and widowers keep on getting re-married late in their lives.

And yes this forum is a pain since it is super sensative to certain words. I often get the review reply so it is common. You can send me an email anytime at nunnzie@hotmail.com if you want to talk offline.

hey nunnzie, i wrote to your personal email and one thing i forgot to say is the age difference doesn't matter to him, he says older women are more open to discussing what turns them on and therefor better partners in bed...waiting for your response to my "novel" and i hope you're having fun in europe even if it is a business trip!!! Sunday