My husband and I will be married 9 years this year after being together 11 years. We had our 4th baby 8 months ago and I feel that we have fallen out of love. I quit my job (at his request) to stay home full time with the kids. He works evening hours and sleeps when he is home. I have found that I sleep on the couch 6 out of 7 days a week and it does not seem to bother him. I know he is tired both physically and mentally but what will it take for him to notice me again? Forget about time away with our finances.

First - congratulations on the new arrival to your family.

With your current situation it is very easy to stuggle keeping the fire burning bright in your marriage. You have 4 young kids that need lots of attention, he is working nights, money is tight which always causes a strain on even the best of marriages, etc. So you have plenty of things going on around you that will put strain on the relationship so don't feel too bad.

The thing all good healthy marriages must have is a heavy dose of good old fashioned open and honest communication. Obviously there are some issues between the two of you if you are sleeping on the couch 6 nights per week and he isn't complaining. So the both of you need to sit down and have some open chats on what's bothering each of you about the status quo. Maybe you are doing some things that make him feel ingnored, you made mention that he "made" you quit your job which makes me believe you were not exactly on board with that decision? The bottom line here is you will never know the root of the problem unless you are able to talk and get it out in the open.

One way to look at things is to look at the perfect world scenario. In a perfect work my marriage would look like………… Of couse you don't live in a perfect world but you will find that there are many things in life you cannot control (money, kids needing you all the time, etc). But the one thing you both can control is the attention and affection you show towards each other. Believe me just because you are strapped for cash and have a large family it doesn't mean you still can't have a solid marriage and passion for each other.