Its taken me so long to work up to courage to actually post anything on this forum. Perhaps it seems silly to some people, being so terrified of writing down how I feel and giving my condolences to a family, but it isn't to me. It hurts, even as I type this out, an ache deep in my heart, a void that I'm not sure will ever be filled again.
Ever since I first saw Steve on TV, I fell in love. It was the love of a pre-teen girl who had finally found someone who was doing what she'd always wanted to do... save the world one animal, one heart, one piece at a time. I found him exhillerating to watch. I still do, and always will. One episode in particular I remember watching, he was in a little hutch of sorts, and the ground, the shelves, everything was covered in mice. I remember thinking, "Oh, god, they're so cute. But isn't he scared to step on them?" And I think about it now, and I realize that no, he wasn't scared of it. He was fearless, and that wasn't something to be 'scared' of. That was something to 'worry' about.
Thats what made Steve Irwin so awesome, so fantastic, so amazing. He worried so much about things that no one else cared about. Crocodiles are generally feared, and here was this man that had such a passion, such a love for these supposedly evil and horrific creatures. One person at a time, he brought people to see their amazing qualities. Loving mothers and fierce protectors. I've watched this man wrestle crocodiles, get bitten, and then shrug it off with a laugh and a smile, saying merely, "That was my fault, she didn't know better, it was instinct." I can't imagine anyone else doing or saying something like that.

The day I learned Steve had died, I had woken up at about 5:30 or 6 in the morning, ill. I don't know why I was ill, becuase an hour or so later, it was gone. But it was enough. I went down to the family room, curled up on the floor by the couch, and flipped through TV channels, hoping maybe something fun was on TV that early in the morning--or, something that would be fun to a 19 year old girl. I paused on one news station, having seen an image of Steve Irwin and the words "Croc Hunter Dead" on the bottom of the screen. I froze, and my heart was in my throat. I watched, but the interview lasted all of 30 seconds.. I'd missed the story. So I flipped through some more channels for about 10 more minutes 'til I could find another news station, the only words swimming in my head being, "Oh, God, this can't be true. It's not true. it's a joke, it can't be." And then I saw the story, the full story. And I went numb.
I can't tell you why I went numb over this man I'd never met, seen, spoken to, or touched in person. This man who lived half a world away. I can't tell you, because I haven't come to terms with it yet. I haven't realized yet how much he means to me, how much I care for him. But I can tell you, the following days were hard to get through, thinking of poor little Bindi and Bob, who lost their father, poor Terri, who lost her husband, Bob, who lost his son and best mate, as he says. Thinking of all the things left unfinished.. conservation projects, documentaries, animals left unresearched and in the shadows.
I begged God to make it all not true. But now I realize he couldn't. I still don't see how he could take Steve from the world when he still had so much to offer, but it's not meant to bes een by me. It's meant to be, whether I like it or not, whether the world agrees or not. This is life, the ending and beginning of days, the neverending cycle of births and deaths.
And it cuts to the quick. I want Steve back. I want him back for his family, for his animals, for the world. But most of all, I want the world to feel safe again, like it did when I was positive someone out there cared about everyone and everything.
BUt everything has changed now, the world is different, and me as well.
Steve's death, for a few moments, terrified me almost as much as it pained me. It terrified me because in one sudden, crashing moment, I'd realized that every dream I'd had revolved around him, and Australia Zoo, and Australia itself. On my 22nd birthday, after I got myself enough money, I'd planned on moving out to Australia, right near the zoo, and trying to get a job, or an internship, or something there, and finishing my schooling out there (I want to be a veterinarian). Anything that would let me meet Steve and work with him and the AMAZING staff. And then all of a sudden, I realized it was gone. But it wasn't. I can still do it. I can still go out there and get my job, even if not at the zoo, I can still meet Steve Irwin... simply by meeting his wife, his father, his daughter, his son. He lives on in all of them. His family, Wes, his friends, they all bear a piece of Steve somewhere inside them. He touched them someplace deep that no one else could have, and he left an imprint. He left an imprint on people around the world. Me, as well. He's here, with all of us. He knows our pain, and I'm sure he wishes it wasn't so bad.
But it is bad, for now. And it always will be bad.
But we'll heal. The world will heal.

We'll carry on your work, Steve. We'll do what you were trying to do, fulfil the goals you were striving for. We will love and cherish and protect and share this world we have.

And we, I, thank you for letting us join you.

I'd also like to say one more thing.. it's always been on the edge of my mind, the possibility of doing exactly what Steve was doing. But now, I feel like there's no other thing I'd ever want to do. Being a conservationist, a wildlife warrior, as he was, is my goal in life now. When I die, I want to go knowing I was finishing, or at the very least continuing, my one, true hero's life's work. And there's no better comfort than that.

As for personal notes..
Bindi, sweetheart, stay strong. You dad will always be with you. Mind your mum. She loves you. Take care of your baby brother.
Baby Bob, it breaks my heart to know you'll never truly know the man your father was. It hurts deep down thinking that you'll never hear his laugh or see his smile, or feel his embrace. But bear in mind your dad loved you, and he was so proud of you. He shared his pride with the world. We all know it.. I hope you will, too, someday.
Terri.. I can't express how horrific it must be for you. You and Steve were together for so long.. I can't tell you it'll be better, because I don't know. But you should know I am praying for you, hoping with all my heart and soul all works out for you and yours in the end. You're beautiful, and Steve saw that in you. Don't ever forget it. I won't, and neither will the rest of the world.
Bob... a parent was never meant to bury their child. It's not the way of life. But I suppose sometimes, its simply beyond our power to understand why or how something like this happens. To comprehend the meaning behind it would be unnatural, and because of it.. it's impossible. But I'm praying for you, truely. (That coming from someone who stopped praying years ago.. I hope it eases your pain, if only in the most minute way.)
Wes, you lost your best friend, your partner in crime. I can't say I know how it feels because, I don't. I've lost friends.. but that's all. They were lost to me, but not to the world in general. Steve was stolen from you. I hope, and pray, and wish that you'll get through this. He's with you, he always will be. He knows you're missing him. Don't break because of this, please, don't break. You can make it through... not unscathed, but you can make it through. You're strong. Stay strong.

i know how you feel. it all seems so like a bad dream. i still dont feel like its really happening..... i had planned on joining the marines(which i still am), and taking the money i had saved, and the survival experience that i had gained, and moving to Australia, and meeting steve, my idol. i dont have enough to move there now, cause im 16. i have been lately(before this happened) planning on living there for a few years, then moving back to Austin, Tx(hometown) and becoming a police officer...... but at this point, i dont know. i dont know if i can..... it was my dream when i was younger, to be like Steve, but since now, im a drop-out, i wasnt sure if i could.... but i dont know how to fill the void.... this came at a bad time for me. my aunt just died, last week. she lived in Wisconsin, and i was gonna go see her this Christmas. her death was sudden too. and since i planned on going to australia zoo in the near future to meet him(even thou i wouldnt be moving there), the deaths related in a scary way . i never had the chance to meet Steve, and i think thats whats hitting me worst..... Godbless you Steve, ill miss you buddy.....

I am as sad as all the other people around the world, and I share your griefe. I am in deep, deep sorrow for Steve reminds me of my father, Charles A. Jones. The may not share the same passion for animals, but i see so much of Steve in my dad, and much of my dad in Steve. They both are very inthusiasic about what they believe in and care deeply for it. I am crying as I type this. I wake up in the morning somtimes and think that Steve is still alive when in reality he is not. It is so hard for me to believe what has happend and I feel as if I have had the same horrible dream over and over again, each time getting worse as I think of our beloved crocodile hunter. What gets to me most is the fact that the people at my school do not care. All they do is make fun of the way he died. This guy at my school, David Fowels, is from australia is th eone who said that Steve's death was stupid, and that a man who can ressle a crocodile should have died in a rougher or more heroic way, insted of being stung in the heart by sting ray. I think David is wrong. Steve died doing what he loved, and we should all be proud. Steve died at the age of 44. He died so young and full of pride and energy. I was shocked to see on the internet that he had died. I couldnt believe it, nor could my mom untill 5minutes later it was on the news. I have been crying ever scince because I felt as if I new him some how. Like I said, I see so much of my father in him, and him in my father. They even look kind of the same. Steve, was my wild life hero. He tought me so many things about animals from the age of 3 to the age I am now (13). I have been an animal lover scince I was born, and every time I see and animal I go crazy and show everybody what it is an dtell them all of the things I knwo about it, and my knowledge of animals is all thanks to Steve. Well, good bye Steve, we'll ,iss ya mate.

~Tara~

P.S.- Best of wishes to Bindi, Bob, and Teri. Ihope you all live out your lives in peace and happiness. I will never forget Steve, the worlds greatest conservationist. (The crocodiles realy are crying).

i know how you feel blackie77.... i hope to wake up TOMORROW, and see that it was all one big bad dream..... and none of the kids that are around the house care either. my kid brother is 13, and he doesnt care. he just walked up the other day and asid... "that crocodile guy died".... like ie was nothing...... it wont stop hurting... even thou i have held back the tears for an hour or so.... it just hurts worse..... and dont know if i can ever make it stop... cause i can never fill that hole..... and no, Jeff Corwin cant fill it(had to add a joke, he'd want us to)i feel you, all of you, all of us.....

I hope you don't think I'm a weirdo for this. But your message said everything I've wanted to say. Down to the fact of wanting to move to Australia and work with the people and be a conservationalist and work with Steve. It seems that you took my heart, cut it open and wrote down exactlly what I wanted to say. When I first heard of his death I couln't believe it. It took a few days for it to really sink in. I kep thinking he would pop back up and be ok. I've been absolutely devistated by his death and have not stopped crying since. The void you were talking about is huge.

It's always good to have a friend to mourn with. That feels the level of pain you do. If you ever need someone to talk too about this PLEASE email me. I would also like to talk to you. Since we have the same interests and goals. I need someone to grieve with as well: eternal.valkyrie@yahoo.com.

Thank you for saying everything I never had toe courage to say. He will be alive in us all and he did a wonderful thing for the world.

RIP Steve. Your mission will go on forever.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: mystic_cypress,

Im going to miss steve very much like the others i thought maybe if i wake up tomorrow everything would be back to normal..watching all his shows over and over again includin the reruns. Then i wake up and remember nope no such luck. I know what the family is going thru..i had lost my father aug. 19. and then to come and find out a couples of weeks later that steve had died too..it broke my heart even more. I love animals like he did and to see someone who loves them and protects them even thou some of the animals are feared and hated, he loved em to. I told myself someday i would like to go to austalia and visit his zoo.


steve we all will miss u

It'll be one of those events we talk about years to come. "Where were you when you found out?"
It still seems unreal to me. I was in disbelief when I found out. We all though he'd live forever.
As I watched the memorial, I couldn't help but think, this isn't right. Steve should be there to see it. Where is he?
I wonder if he ever knew how much he meant to the world.

For all of you thinking there is something wrong with you for feeling so much pain and grief for someone you never met, this link might comfort you somewhat to know that you are not alone in feeling this way.

http://community.discovery.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/3211993295/m/3871938148/p/1

And for those of you saying you want to move to Australia or just looking to follow in Steve's footsteps by being a wildlife conservationist, stay focused and pursue those dreams and make them a reality. I made the mistake of putting that dream off myself for the last 20 years, but it took the tragic loss of Steve Irwin to wake me up and realize I need to make my dream happen now. The world needs more people like him now more than ever.

hey mystic-cypress, its good to know theres someone i can talk to ive been trying to email you, but theres something wrong with the address you gave me. mine is
bansheeman6100@hotmail.com
id really like to talk to you. nad im still having trouble... especially when people tell me to just get over it... its still hard to see a picture of him, and not cry.... let alone.... think that ill never meet him....

I have just now been able to post onto this site, and I am overwhelmed by the number of people who are feeling the same odd emptiness that I am. The first post startled me, as it so exactly expressed the thoughts of somebody so like me. It was hard for me to understand my feelings because there was nobody else who felt so much grief from the passing of somebody they had never met, but now I see just how many people have been impacted.

As a child, I had always loved animals and wildlife and dreamed of working with them, but not knowing how to get into the field became a major discouragement. Then, when I was in high school, Steve's shows started airing in the US. It was an instant obsession, he was my idol, adorned my locker and notebooks, his shows determined my schedule. His passion for animals reignited mine. I started wildlife rehabilitation; with each release of a bird or possum, I would think "Steve would be proud". I went to college for zookeeping, and today I take care of animals everyday. When I heard the news that morning, I wasn't phased because my logic told me that Steve Irwin can't die. It didn't hit me until I saw footage of Terri, Bindi, and Bob boarding a plane. I broke down. I'll never get to thank him for making a difference in my life.

All of us that are in this position can thank him by carrying on his work. Go to Australia, become a vet, help wildlife. That is the thanks and respect we can pay to the man who touched the world. I thinnk that is the way we can heal ourselves too.

I am so glad that there are more people who feel the way I do. I am inspired by the impact that Steve had on the world.

Thank you for such a beautifully written posting, it comforts me to know that others are grieving as much as I am. I feel like I have lost a member of the family and cry every time I see him or his family, I was bawling while watching the memorial service. The thing about Steve that is so inviting is that he was so passionate about his work and really had a big heart, he was just a good guy. I hope his family knows how much he has impacted our lives and we'll never forget him!

You have put into words, what I have wanted to.
I was also very scared to do so. Steve has changed my life and for that I am eternally grateful! I have just enrolled in a local college and am going to get my degrees in enviormental science and wildlife and fisheries.
Steve opened my eye's and touched my heart. I want to help save those beautiful animals and help preserve our plant for the many generations to come.
I pray for Steve and his family and friends everyday. May God Bless them all.

that was beautiful,and everything i wanted to say ,but couldnt.steve will be missed,but will live forever in our hearts

Hi Honey,

Your note was beautiful! (trust me when i tell you that you can leave your fear of writing your feelings for all to see behind - you can do it articulately and elegantly)You expressed my sentiments exactly. I have not stopped crying and grieving since i got the bad news. Go to YOU TUBE and watch some of the moving slideshow tributes to Steve. Thanks for sharing - i have no one else in my life who understands why I am so grief stricken about this - so it was heartening to read your words.
Robin Siemer e-mail address - rtbebe@msn.com

I feel the same way all of you do. I can't stop crying either. I would even cry myself to sleep just thinking about Steve. I keep telling myself that this is just a bad dream and he's really not gone. I cried through the whole memorial service especially when they showed Terri and the kids and the pictures at the end of the service. My heart breaks for her. There are times where I would be sitting in class and the first thing that comes to my mind is Terri and her children. They are on my mind all the time and I wish there was something I could do for them. I know what they are going through because I lost my father just last year and a big part of me died with him. My father was a very special person too me and to tell you the truth, I haven't gotten over the fact that he is gone.

Steve was an amazing person. He was my role model and I wanted so bad to meet him, but I know I won't get that chance now. I just want Terri and her children to know that Steve was loved all over the world and we (the fans) are here for them. My thoughts and prayers go out to them as well.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: coolgirlinms,

I know how you feel. When I got up that morning, my husband told me to sit down and then he told me that my CrocHunter had been killed. I didn't believe him. I smiled, and said "very funny. What lame website did you get that from?" He was looking right at me, and told me it was real and that it was all over the internet and all over the news. I turned the tv on and there it was. I still did not believe it. It had to be a joke, I kept telling myself it was all just a joke. I coudn't believe the man that had no fear was gone. I guess I refused to believe it. I never thought Steve would be taken from us. Not like that, and not so soon. My thoughts immediatley went to Terri and the kids. I grieved for them, for his mates, for his family, and for all of us fans. I always dreamed of meeting him, but never got the funds to go half way across the world to do it. People at my work keep asking me why I'm taking it so hard. I don't know. It's like a piece of me left with him too. He was a family member in a way, someone I could always count on to cheer me up. I am an animal lover and I loved watching him. He had so much passion for life and for his work. He was such a unique soul. Every year, we dressed up as Steve and Terri for Halloween. My kids are devastated that he isn't with us anymore. They loved him just as much as I did. They hate watching "learning programs" but they loved watching anything Steve did. He was a hero to them. I find them popping in his dvds and watching the reruns, laughing and talking about the program afterwards. Learning without even realizing it. His memorial was beautiful and heartwrenching at the same time. It really finalized his death to me. It made me sad, but Bindi touched my heart. I know that she will be ok and that she will continue her Daddy's dream with the help of her mom, brother, and Grandfather. Thank you for posting your feelings. I know what you mean and I hope you get to follow your dreams and move to Australia and help the animals. Best wishes to you!!

i still feel this emptyness, all the time, no matter what im doing. i find it ahrd to even play xbox for some reason. its like a part of me is gone. i think the reason for all of are serious greif is that, well..... Steve was a part of us.... all of us.... ive felt like someone litterally took a knife and cut off a part of my heart.... no.... my soul.... he lived in all of us, he was part of all of us here, in this very forum. he was our brother, father, best mate, idol, hero.... but most of all.... he was one of gods miracles. no ordinary human being could bring SOO much joy.... yet, soo much greif, and despair. he truely was a miacle. and his death has brought out that best in all of us. ive seen 13 year-olds, acting, talking far past their maturity. im no adult myself, im 16. but, ive never felt soo much pain, or depression in my life, and dont think i ever will again. he was, and always will be, the most loved human being to ever live. ive seen more people destrot about his death, then the tragedy of 9/11. its no comparrison, but its still amazing. i just cant fill this hole in my soul. he represented ALL of us.... there's this thing here in Austin called the wildlife expo. its our 15th year, and i encourage you all to come, and see all the exhibits and organizations that come. there all wildlife consercvationists, and i plan on volunteering ALOT of time in the near future. but the expo is the 7-8 of Oct. its free, and worth your while. theres everykind of wildlife you can imagine. if you want more info, email me.
bansheeman6100@hotmail.com
and as always, godbless Steve Irwin.